hopeful4someday Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 My friends really don't want to hear about it anymore, and really, there's not a lot left to be said. It was depressing, but there's no way we'll ever be together forever, and so there's no point in dwelling. We were going to break up sooner or later, and sooner may have been better but at least it could have been even later and even worse. We parted as amicably as can be expected when one person feels that the other has stabbed them in the back. We technically aren't NC, but I can't really imagine ever wanting to contact him again. And at the same time, I want to contact him ALL THE TIME but I just... can't. I want who I thought he was, not who he turned out to be and it just feels like the person I was in love with doesn't exist anymore. I can't even want him back because it's like there never was him and we can't unsay the things that came out and made me know that. I thought about deleting his number but I've done that so many times before that I've accidentally memorized it, and he's been in and out of my phone so many times I've decided just to spare myself the decision of ever having to try to decide if I should add him again. I thought I was going to go and take the dating scene by storm but instead I'm just at home moping with some tea, watching crappy movies from Amazon and trying to find out how many large appliances I can run at the same time. I can't do my homework, though, and I can't do my job, and my dark circles are threatening to take over my entire face. I can't sleep at night but I can't seem to get out of bed in the morning, and although I'm learning to eat and exercise again, mostly I feel like some large piece of me has been cut out and I'm wandering kind of aimlessly through life. I'm too burned out to cry, I've been snappish at everyone I've come in contact with, and I spend my free minutes cataloging my flaws and failings and whining and sulking and feeling generally miserable. In short, I'm being pathetic but I can't seem to muster the the energy to overcome it. That's really all. I'm sad, it all sucks, and I hate this.
mizundastud Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I feel like your my emotional twin.....I feel the exact same.
wmrjw82 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Wish my girl felt this way about me.... sadly.... she doesn't feel anything.
ljpaterson Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 This is exactly how I feel. How long has it been for you? It's been over a month for me and I am still sad all of the time. I know what it's like to be snappy with people. There are days where everyone who talks to me upsets me and I will even ignore my friends for whole days at a time and just lay in bed missing him. It's hard... and I haven't managed to stay NC either. We were texting all of the time a couple days ago and yesterday he just.... stopped. I would have said it broke my heart... but he already did that so he just broke it into more pieces. I wish there were an easy way out but I'm sorry. There isn't. It just seems like we are doomed to feel like this forever, and I am really starting to hate it... I question my existence and I cry so much that it isn't even funny. I too question if I would even want him back anymore after all of this, because I thought that he was a different person then I know that he is now. He is still the center of my universe!!! I really wish that I could get into another relationship or start dating again, but I know that if I were to do that, I want just want HIM...
mizundastud Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 This is exactly how I feel. How long has it been for you? It's been over a month for me and I am still sad all of the time. I know what it's like to be snappy with people. There are days where everyone who talks to me upsets me and I will even ignore my friends for whole days at a time and just lay in bed missing him. It's hard... and I haven't managed to stay NC either. We were texting all of the time a couple days ago and yesterday he just.... stopped. I would have said it broke my heart... but he already did that so he just broke it into more pieces. I wish there were an easy way out but I'm sorry. There isn't. It just seems like we are doomed to feel like this forever, and I am really starting to hate it... I question my existence and I cry so much that it isn't even funny. I too question if I would even want him back anymore after all of this, because I thought that he was a different person then I know that he is now. He is still the center of my universe!!! I really wish that I could get into another relationship or start dating again, but I know that if I were to do that, I want just want HIM... dido!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author hopeful4someday Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 This is exactly how I feel. How long has it been for you? It's been over a month for me and I am still sad all of the time. I know what it's like to be snappy with people. There are days where everyone who talks to me upsets me and I will even ignore my friends for whole days at a time and just lay in bed missing him. It's hard... and I haven't managed to stay NC either. We were texting all of the time a couple days ago and yesterday he just.... stopped. I would have said it broke my heart... but he already did that so he just broke it into more pieces. I wish there were an easy way out but I'm sorry. There isn't. It just seems like we are doomed to feel like this forever, and I am really starting to hate it... I question my existence and I cry so much that it isn't even funny. I too question if I would even want him back anymore after all of this, because I thought that he was a different person then I know that he is now. He is still the center of my universe!!! I really wish that I could get into another relationship or start dating again, but I know that if I were to do that, I want just want HIM... It's only been about a week for me. I'm hoping it gets better faster. I had a little laugh a little while ago when I realized that we were both sort of living parallel but different lives in our relationship. I wanted to believe that he loved me and I just took it to be true until he said otherwise. I think he wanted to believe that I was into him sexually, and that's one bubble I hope I have the opportunity to burst for him someday. So I at least take comfort in the fact that we were both apparently lying about the things most important to one another.
LexiArcher Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 OP, I registered just now, just to tell you that I feel EXACTLY the same way. I still have many painfully memorable days of longing and revisiting the past, and it's been nearly two years since he cut me off, like I meant nothing. I haven't seen him since, and it still pierces me at times, because i chose to love so deeply. Some days are harder than others and he is frequently on my mind, but what I realize is that it takes a long time to heal from betrayal (as in someone masquerading as someone other than what you'd thought. this was my situation, as well). I still think of the one I loved, and cry at times; it can hit like a sledgehammer. But, tears heal the wounded heart. Take comfort in knowing that you have a beautiful and enduring heart, that God knows someone worthy deserves, and that is why this person was removed from your life. They simply were unappreciative and undeserving of the beautiful gift you have to offer the right one. My spiritual belief and trust in Him has helped me pull through some really low moments. But, yes; it's so painful, and for some of us who love deeply and fiercely, it can take an agonizingly long time to let go. Unfortunately, I am one of those. I, also, fell in love with a "created' entity; one that never actually existed, but in my mind/heart. It's so sad to discover how heartless the person you adored as your beloved, actually is. I guess I just wanted to comfort you, in that you are indubitably NOT ALONE, and you suffer because you have a sentient, caring heart. Take comfort in that. you will shine forth, once again. I can relate, and you are in prayer and thought. God bless you, friend.
Cassandra92 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I'll just join the club and say HELL YES, I am experiencing this right now and it's awful. I was moving to a different city to go to university and he couldn't handle a long distance relationship, that's the short version of why we broke up. That was almost 3 months ago but we didn't stop contact, we continued to see each other believing we could be 'friends'. I wanted him to realise he couldn't live without me. Anyway, those months until I left were tumultuous and probably the worst of my life so far. Sadly the weird half-relationship we were in where he didn't treat me very nicely most of the time just seemed to make me love him more! We had a nice goodbye though, and I left thinking that I had a good friend in him, and feeling like we had a chance in the future. Then about a week later I get an email from him basically saying he can't do this anymore, it's too hard not having me in his life yet being constantly reminded of me and that we need to take a serious break from each other. So now we are NC, and I feel horrible. I torture myself by looking at old pictures of us, reading old emails, and they just make me cry. I feel completely empty and alone. I'm doing something positive for myself though, I've booked myself in to see a counsellor at the uni. I have fantastic friends who do their best to cheer me up, but I know they will tire of hearing my moping before too long. The other day I was feeling particularly low and I knew I had to do something for myself, it was worth a shot. So hopefully talking to a professional will give me a new perspective, and it sounds like it could be helpful for you too. Most of the time we are really hard on ourselves in times like this, and you have to get back into the habit of looking after yourself. Talking to somebody with professional advice is a good way to get back on that track, and many community-based organisations offer inexpensive counselling services, or if you are studying at university they often have free services. I hope you can consider that, and sorry for rambling on about myself haha. Just remember we are definately not the first nor the last people to feel this way, and there is a way out.
Author hopeful4someday Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 OP, I registered just now, just to tell you that I feel EXACTLY the same way. I still have many painfully memorable days of longing and revisiting the past, and it's been nearly two years since he cut me off, like I meant nothing. I haven't seen him since, and it still pierces me at times, because i chose to love so deeply. Some days are harder than others and he is frequently on my mind, but what I realize is that it takes a long time to heal from betrayal (as in someone masquerading as someone other than what you'd thought. this was my situation, as well). I still think of the one I loved, and cry at times; it can hit like a sledgehammer. But, tears heal the wounded heart. Take comfort in knowing that you have a beautiful and enduring heart, that God knows someone worthy deserves, and that is why this person was removed from your life. They simply were unappreciative and undeserving of the beautiful gift you have to offer the right one. My spiritual belief and trust in Him has helped me pull through some really low moments. But, yes; it's so painful, and for some of us who love deeply and fiercely, it can take an agonizingly long time to let go. Unfortunately, I am one of those. I, also, fell in love with a "created' entity; one that never actually existed, but in my mind/heart. It's so sad to discover how heartless the person you adored as your beloved, actually is. I guess I just wanted to comfort you, in that you are indubitably NOT ALONE, and you suffer because you have a sentient, caring heart. Take comfort in that. you will shine forth, once again. I can relate, and you are in prayer and thought. God bless you, friend. Wow, thanks -- that was a really nice post. You're right, everything happens for reasons. I'm hoping to come out of this stronger and better than I was before, and I hope the same for you too.
LexiArcher Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Wow, thanks -- that was a really nice post. You're right, everything happens for reasons. I'm hoping to come out of this stronger and better than I was before, and I hope the same for you too. No, Thank YOU. I'm here for you, if you ever need an ear. The least we all can do on this forum, is try to help each other through the devastations of these situations and the grief that we suffer. Not everyone is cruel and heartless in this world, and I intend to overcome the wrongdoings of so many, by at least trying to give back, no matter how tiny my contribution may be. Hang in there. I pray for us all.
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