lenny Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I don't know why. It could be I'm sick of winter and depressed because of it (I'm in western canada and it's been cold forever now and isn't letting up), maybe I'm PMSing this last week, maybe I have commitment issues I wasn't aware of and we've past that six month mark ... I just don't know. I do over-analyze everything and lately that over analysis has seemed to dwell on why I shouldn't be with him. It's not even like the reasons I have stuck in my mind are big deals at all. It's like I'm trying to talk myself out of what so far is really looking like the most amazing thing for me. It's not like I'm nit-picking him or being verbal about this but in my mind it's like I am not focusing on the wonderful things about him which is the usual way I look at everything but instead am honed in on all the less than perfect traits he has. It's not even like these things bother me. It's like I'm trying to convince myself that they should bother me. I have been unsuccessful in this endeavor, I just can't talk myself into being significantly bothered by anything he does ... and this just makes me feel frustrated so I try harder. Has anyone gone through anything like this before? The way my thoughts have been this last couple weeks, I'm quite unhappy so want to snap out of this already.
Nexus One Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Every second you unjustly worry about it, is a second you come closer to death. If you keep doing it you will deprive yourself of the chance of enjoying the beautiful moments. Let it go and think: "For as long as it lasts." If you fill the time you have together with worrying, then you're going to miss the point of it, which is enjoying it. Hence accept that it might end one day, but until that day you enjoy it without thinking about tomorrow, hence: "For as long as it lasts."
Eddie Edirol Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Write out the pros and cons that you are trying to hold against him here. You will get alot of opinions on it here.
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I flirted with sabotaging the relationship I am currently involved in. It's been the first truly serious relationship I've been involved with since my divorce over 8 years ago. I searched for red flags, where there wasn't any. Sometimes you just have to let yourself go and accept the really good thing that's in front of you.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 GIGS.... and when its a GIGS feeling you have to kill it till it dies from it!
SarcasticBlonde Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I flirted with sabotaging the relationship I am currently involved in. It's been the first truly serious relationship I've been involved with since my divorce over 8 years ago. I searched for red flags, where there wasn't any. Sometimes you just have to let yourself go and accept the really good thing that's in front of you. I have also done this with my current relationship. He is wonderful in more ways than I can count. But I would than find myself obsessing over something that wasn't a big deal. I came to realize that I was doing that because I was afraid of getting close. So anytime I find myself having an issue I post here and get told what I need to hear.
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I have also done this with my current relationship. He is wonderful in more ways than I can count. But I would than find myself obsessing over something that wasn't a big deal. I came to realize that I was doing that because I was afraid of getting close. So anytime I find myself having an issue I post here and get told what I need to hear. I just police myself and take notice of the triggers that would normally catapult me into sabotage mode. I've always been prone to pushing someone away as soon as I feel vulnerable. The guy I am with really does inspire me to want to be a better person, and I've never felt like that before- ever. I feel safe being vulnerable with him- but I had such an internal struggle initially to get to the point where I accepted that being vulnerable isn't a bad place to be.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I just police myself and take notice of the triggers that would normally catapult me into sabotage mode. I've always been prone to pushing someone away as soon as I feel vulnerable. The guy I am with really does inspire me to want to be a better person, and I've never felt like that before- ever. I feel safe being vulnerable with him- but I had such an internal struggle initially to get to the point where I accepted that being vulnerable isn't a bad place to be. What kind of trigger would catapult you into sabotage mode? And what situation did you feel vunerable?
Author lenny Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 D-Lish and Sarcastic, I am so happy to see I'm not alone here. I think it may be the scared to get close thing. I've been going with the flow for a while but it's time to actually jump into this whole heartedly. We have started to save up for a trip together next winter, we are changing our future plans and goals to accomodate the inclusion of another person, etc. This is pretty scary stuff! And when I mean these reasons are not big deals, some are really wimpy reasons and some are a little more substantial (probably would turn off most people but it works for me). For an example of just how retarded some of this can get, he's not into trying new foods whereas I really am. I'll think really, can I spend the rest of my life with a guy that won't try new foods with me - the horrors. Honestly though, who cares. This is by far not a deal breaker issue yet I find myself thinking about it. I think the sabatoging idea is hitting this on the head. Now I just need to move past this.
Eeyore79 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Nobody is ever going to be perfect; it's a case of finding someone whose imperfections you can live with. It's important to me that a man has never been married and has no kids, but I'm willing to make allowances for his looks and weight. Other women might prefer a handsome man with kids to a less handsome, overweight man without kids; we all prioritize our criteria differently. I do think it's a bit too picky to focus on whether a guy likes new foods though - so what if he doesn't, there are many more important compatibility criteria! If him not liking new foods is your biggest incompatibility, you're actually doing amazingly well!
Author lenny Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 It's not like that's a big or even biggest issue. It's more the fact that in my mind it's like I'm exagerating all these things and trying to make me like him less because of them. I am the type of person that focuses on the good things in people so this is a pretty weird place for me to go. I'm also extremely tolerant so you could really be a very rotten person and I'd still be able to find something good about you and would wish only the best things to come. I am thinking this is a scared thing. I'm trying to find reasons not to continue with this relationship which is phasing into long term right now. It could be an exercise I needed to go through as well to explore within myself if in time there was anything that would really bother me if I stopped thinking it was cute.
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