2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Hi All Just a few words on if you have broken up and are maybe a few weeks out from the BU and you happen to talk to your ex again, even if in NC but you get caught out, here's few things not too do, say if you go on chat and she is there: (Ok if you are in proper NC you should have deleted all her chat by now lol) Do not keep the convo going for more than a couple of minutes (this is key and a big big mistake I made (try an hour lol))Do not mention anything about the RL/Breaking up/Anything at all that will remind her of it or the time you were going out, even something external and not relationship orientated that reminds her of the past at all.Do not respond to hostility or any type of communication known as "bait" in other words something that is going to get an emotive response out of youBe aloof do not give much awayStay positive and end on a high note and say ok talk to you some other time, this leave it open and non-committalDO NOT ask her out (very key and a big mistake)The reason I am doing this is I blew it with my reconcilliation attempt when I had spoke to her online and too stop you doing it. Ok it might not have been a 2nd chance but I could have worked it in way much more in my favour so that it could potentially have been. We spoke for over an hour and she was getting more and more annoyed and I was sounding more and more wussy and asked her out as my emotions took over and subsequently blew it - just a warning. Take it slow slow slow IF you ever speak to them again. 2011
Byren Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Couldn't agree more. I've blown up whatever chances I had left over the past week through spouting too much of this stuff. She actually talked about how much she missed me and I did the same, but then I tried to push for a second chance. Didn't work. Met up again a few days later for logistical stuff, had a great time until we brought up the past which killed everything. Fail. Time to properly move on I guess. It hurts more since the reasons we had broken up over have all mended, but she refuses to believe that I really have changed. Double fail.
Author 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Stubborn ex syndrome - can last a lifetime!
Rose T Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Take it slow slow slow IF you ever speak to them again. Hi 2011. I think you make some good points... I've been in "wussy" exchanges with my ex as well as "cool and strong" ones recently. You're right, they much prefer it when you're relaxed and laid back, but... and this is a big but... if you're keeping up a pretence that you're really ok, what is the point at the end of the day? I know you're talking about a transition phase in which you're trying to get them back, but sooner or later you're going to have a bad day and need them to be understanding of your needs and weaknesses. The great thing about being in a good relationship is feeling safe but being allowed to be vulnerable when you need to be. I just think some of our exes bailed when they should have shown us more support but love is about accepting both sides of your personality - the moments of doubt as much as those times when we're relaxed and strong. IMHO second chances often fail not because we "blow" it, but because the reasons for which we broke up, or the fact that they gave up, still remain. Couldn't agree more. I've blown up whatever chances I had left over the past week through spouting too much of this stuff. Hey Byren! You know I'm going to say that you can do much better, don't you? You gave it your all trying to win her back - her loss now. Have you started your new job yet? I think you're going to have a fun spring.
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