Crazy Magnet Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I think that's the key--to be ok if things don't work out your way. I told my BF he had until this weekend to decide if he wanted to be in this forever or not and I'm ready to move on if he doesn't want the same thing. Of course I want him to pick me, I love him, and I think he has some great qualities, but I'm ready for it if he doesn't. ~braces self~ It's really going to hurt but I feel it's best for both of us if we truly are in such different places. I think for me the hurt of the broken promise is what has driven me away. He promised this commitment 8 months ago and still hasn't followed through and for me it has done too much damage to my heart to continue on with him the way things are. When he took himself out of my grandmother's obituary (all my cousins had spouses listed, I put him in and he deleted himself) it really put me over the edge and made me wake up to what I was living in: A lie. He's not really my partner and not really there for me. He can't publicly say he's in this all the way. I don't want that. I don't think I deserve that, I deserve better. I hate heart break. It sucks. Now how do I go about getting him out of the house as quickly as possible since I think there's a 99% chance he's going to come to me (again) with yet another reason why I should stick around without him going public with the commitment. I'm not doing it this time. He's never followed through before he's probably not going to start now.
Stung Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I'm sorry, CM. I do wish you the best of luck, but deleting himself from your last relative's obituary--ouch. I can't help but think that sends a really powerful message (and a rather heartless one considering the timing). Do you own the house or rent? Who is actually on the mortgage/lease?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I'm not against ultamatums but when you need to make one to convince a person to commit to a relationship, the relationship was already doomed to begin with. Sorry, CM, but your boyfriend is a coward. If he can't commit emotionally, I think the best thing for you is to let him go. Start packing his stuff for him and if need be, give him until the end of the week to move out.
runner Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 i'm sorry about what you're going through. my roommate was in a similar situation last year with her bf of 2yrs. basically tried to keep up the facade that he was the real deal and wanted to get married while on the other hand keeping distance and acting like a single, independent party-goer. that whole schizophrenic attitude isn't healthy; i told her it wasn't good for her sanity. she left him and i think she's better of without thim.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 I'm not against ultamatums but when you need to make one to convince a person to commit to a relationship, the relationship was already doomed to begin with. Sorry, CM, but your boyfriend is a coward. If he can't commit emotionally, I think the best thing for you is to let him go. Start packing his stuff for him and if need be, give him until the end of the week to move out. I totally agree. The final nail in the coffin was when he parents told me they had been on him lately about it too. They told him if he wasn't ready then he needed to be a man and let me go (he, of course, never told me any of this). They also said I was the best thing that ever happened to him, they loved me, and they wanted me to get right back out there and start dating b/c I was an awesome girl who was going places and any man would be so lucky as to snag me! That at least made me feel better. We rent together, but he owns a house. He can move back in as soon as the tenant's lease is up, but that's still several months away. I plan to stay here and advertise for a roommate. It shouldn't be hard to get one for my area. I had planned to give him one week from the talk, which will be Sunday. Got to head home and take care of more dead grandma stuff. Death takes so much work!!
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