angie16 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Ok so really quick - I've been single awhile - 31, female, live in a big city. I have tons of friends but haven't found any good apples worth really being into. In any case, i have been down in the dumps about being single, and out of the blue - on valentines day - my good friend's brother calls me up and asks me out on a date. I was shocked. I have never even thought of him in that way, and i said yes. We ended up having an amazing date. He had roses, took me do dinner, wine bar, etc. We hit it off to say the least. I think we were both equally shocked. So its been a bit over 2 weeks since then. He calls or texts every day and we've had 4 more dates. He always brings flowers and we just vibe. He is 33, never married, no kids, has a job, is cute, funny - a real catch. I am meeting a few of his friends I dont know tomorrow (friday) night - so that makes me encouraged. here's my question to you guys - do I assume he's dating other women? I say yes, but my girlfriends say no because if he was he would have taken one of them out on valentines. I'm really happy but i have never been swept off my feet like this and I dont want to get hurt. I really like him but am also scared to death of looking like an idiot. (I'm not dating anyone else). any info would be great!
tigressA Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I always assume they are dating others. It's foolish and even dangerous (if there's physical intimacy involved) to not think otherwise these days. When the time comes that I want to be exclusive with someone, I ask for it. If they say no, it's on to the next. I will say that the chances of him dating anyone else, from your described situation, seem slim. But you never, ever know for certain until you ask. You want exclusivity, ask for it. Confirm it. Never assume it's there.
oaks Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 here's my question to you guys - do I assume he's dating other women? I say yes, but my girlfriends say no because if he was he would have taken one of them out on valentines. I think that after 5 dates you should be able to ask him if he's seeing other women.
Author angie16 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 yes and i went against my usual - we are already intimate physically - and it's great - and he hasn't backed off at all - but that does make my mind wander as to whom he's with when we're not together. I'm gonna play it cool for another few weeks to a month - i dont want to rush things and scare him away - especially since he told me he asked me out because he had a crush on me for awhile and would observe other guys hitting on me - so i'm sure he THINKS I'm dating others as well.
tigressA Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 yes and i went against my usual - we are already intimate physically - and it's great - and he hasn't backed off at all - but that does make my mind wander as to whom he's with when we're not together. I'm gonna play it cool for another few weeks to a month - i dont want to rush things and scare him away - especially since he told me he asked me out because he had a crush on me for awhile and would observe other guys hitting on me - so i'm sure he THINKS I'm dating others as well. You've already had sex with him; you really shouldn't put off the exclusivity talk now, and especially not for as long as you're suggesting. I sure as hell would want to know if a guy I liked and was intimate with was dating/being intimate with other women too. Playing it cool is only going to wreak havoc on your emotions. Concentrate on what YOU want, not how you think this guy will react. If you're playing this game to control the outcome, to keep him around, you're just going to end up getting screwed. All you can control is yourself.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 yes and i went against my usual - we are already intimate physically - and it's great - and he hasn't backed off at all - but that does make my mind wander as to whom he's with when we're not together. I'm gonna play it cool for another few weeks to a month - i dont want to rush things and scare him away - especially since he told me he asked me out because he had a crush on me for awhile and would observe other guys hitting on me - so i'm sure he THINKS I'm dating others as well. Just my opinion... but I think that was too fast. If you are sleeping together you really really need to have the exclusivity talk. It's a bad sign he hasn't initiated that already. 33 never married...? What is his dating history like? Potential commitment phobe? Long term player? Just never met the right girl? Extra shy guy? ... ect
Star_Bright Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Do you assume they are dating others? Yes, always. I never assume exclusivity unless it has been agreed upon. And I totally agree with everything Tigress has written. She's given you some great advice. Good luck.
Author angie16 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Just my opinion... but I think that was too fast. If you are sleeping together you really really need to have the exclusivity talk. It's a bad sign he hasn't initiated that already. 33 never married...? What is his dating history like? Potential commitment phobe? Long term player? Just never met the right girl? Extra shy guy? ... ect i live in NYC. 33 never married is not uncommon - i have half a dozen male friends that are older than that. I don't disagree that I jumped into it quickly - i admit that. Honestly I thought it would just be a fling since i never looked at this guy in that light. That fact that since then it's progressed nicely is what I' have been reacting to. It's only been positive so far. He also asked me away for memorial day weekend so that's another good sign. I just wanted to get your opinions on what you would assume - i personally believe bringing up "the talk" prematurely can sometimes backfire in a woman's face - I am keeping myself busy with my friends and other activities going on like i did before I hung out with him - honestly i want to be sure on my end as well that I want HIM for a realtionship before jumping into anything exclusive as well. I was dating a guy that had to leave for europe for work for 2 months days before i got the call on valentines from him. So for all he knows I'm still seeing this guy.
callingyouuu Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 To answer your question, yes, I think one should always assume they might be dating someone else until you're exclusive. That said, I wouldn't mind your pacing too much, especially in the NYC dating scene. I think it's really good that you're making sure that he's good for you before you bite the bullet and have the talk, and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Best of luck, and enjoy the ride!
Author angie16 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 just as an update - we're still seeing each other. We are still not official but see each other at least 3 times a week and text/talk every day. I'm really happy where things are going - we solidified our memorial day trip last week so that's all set. Another good sign i guess - he's throwing his birthday party next week at my own event (it's a huge bar so it's not a space issue) - and i'm guessing if he were seeing anyone else he wouldn't invite all his friends to my night right? Should i take it as a compliment that he want's his friends to meet me? Also should i bring up the talk? or keep waiting it out? It's been 6 weeks now. THANKS!
tigressA Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 just as an update - we're still seeing each other. We are still not official but see each other at least 3 times a week and text/talk every day. I'm really happy where things are going - we solidified our memorial day trip last week so that's all set. Another good sign i guess - he's throwing his birthday party next week at my own event (it's a huge bar so it's not a space issue) - and i'm guessing if he were seeing anyone else he wouldn't invite all his friends to my night right? Should i take it as a compliment that he want's his friends to meet me? Also should i bring up the talk? or keep waiting it out? It's been 6 weeks now. THANKS! Sounds like things are going well. If you want to know where you stand, TALK TO HIM.
BobSacamento Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Do you really want to know? You are focusing on signs that he has complete control. I would begin making your presence known to those that he might be dating as well. Basically, cramp his single style. This will involve some game playing which can result in paranoia and rage. Do you stay over at his place ever? If so, do a leave behind. If you go back within a week and your crap is hidden that is probably a bad sign. When dating two women, generally you try to keep the place as neutral as possible.
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