Cluelessaboutthis Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 a lil background: Me and my girl were together for 8 months. The first 6 were fantastic. Calling on both ends all the time talking about nothing, great sex the whole deal. There was a period of 3 weeks we were apart for family reasons but still kept in constant contact. I had personal tragedy in my life right at the end of that time and that stress with the stress of other factors caused her to fall into almost a depression and begin to resent my need of her at that time. (I don't want to give to much away in fear she may find this). I have gone over it and I wish she could have been there more for me but at the same time with her outside pressures I can understand while she felt smothered. Where I Stand now: She came to me one day and was not herself so I pushed her as to why. She broke down told me she's not feeling me right now. But it wasn't just me she didn't want to do anything at all. Go out with friends nothing. She said it was because she felt I was smothering her the last month even though she knew that was not my intention. I asked her if she still loved me she said she didn't know but that she would in a way always love me. I asked her if she wanted to break up she said she didn't know so I offered a break. I asked for some rules she said no calling at night but every once and a while to see how the person is doing is ok. I asked how long and because of school pressures she wasn't sure how long she would need. She said could be two days, could be a week, could be a month. She asked for a hug and kissed me saying have a nice weekend. Now: The truth is I love her and its been a week of NC through the phone but I see her briefly in school (as it is unavoidable) almost daily during the week. I say Hi and try to make small/brief conversation just how is everything nice day blah blah blah to keep it from being completely awkward because I do miss talking to her but don't want to pressure her. I don't think there is anyone else because of her crazy busy schedule but how can I really know. by accident in the wonderful world of text messaging a text I had sent her a few days before about driving in snow that joked about making it home alive made it through to her phone during the period of NC and she immediately responded asking what that meant and when I explained she said oh ok and thats it (I took it as she was worried I was doing something stupid). Because I didn't have a timetable I emailed her saying that my intentions were the same and she said she still also didn't know and that we would talk when we saw each other again. I have seen her in passing at school or am required to sit next to her in one class but I definitely don't want to bring up a serious discussion so soon. I'm hoping she will bring the conversation to me as we really left it open. What I'm asking: Has anyone had a situation like this or comparable. I know the right thing is to give her what she wants, space but I'm afraid running into her at school will keep reminding her about the break and not give her the time to reflect on when we were good and she enjoyed being with me. Its unavoidable and she says she wants me in her life but I'm just trying not to bring up anything relationship wise and acting like the break is not bothering me and trying to focus. But I'd be lying if I said my heart doesn't skip a beat every time I see her. There is also an age difference of 5 years so she may just be at a different point in her life. She said she doesn't hate me and wanted me to know that as I have had nothing but good intentions for her but she doesn't feel it for me anymore. Sorry this was so long but I wanted to lay it all out for the best advice. Thanks for your support, Talking and reading answers is what I find is helping me most. I still don't sleep through the night because when I wake up she is the first thought on my mind and I can't help it. The other problem is I am surrounded by weddings, very few single friends. Its tough. I really believed she was the one and I'm hoping by giving her the space she wanted she will come back although I don't want to count on it. Truth is she became my best friend and losing that hurts the most.
Author Cluelessaboutthis Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 I have to see her in an hour in class
Author Cluelessaboutthis Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 we talked a little I just tried to keep it comfortable nothing about the R but just make a joke keep it light asked about a couple problems then she said have a good break when we were leaving (Spring Break started today) I said the same and then stupidly asked her if we were ok. When she asked what I meant I told her I didn't want her to feel weird talking to me and she said she didn't....all the emotions came back so I left after saying ok good have a nice break. All I want to do is call her......help!
Call Me Al Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I was in a somewhat similar situation. Ultimately, I held on because I cared....but eventually she saw that her emotional unavailability was hurting me and she felt bad enough to end it. She wanted us to work, but she became withdrawn from her life. Her life is beyond my control, as is your girlfriends. All you can do is give her space.
Author Cluelessaboutthis Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 but when is enough enough....I know every case is different but when do you think is a good time to draw the line in the sand. I mean I plan on not talking during break which will be 15 days and then if I haven't heard anything and its still a daily pain...asking for "the talk." First texting to see how her break was and see if she responds and then asking if she would like to meet. Is this wrong..or am I being impatient. I'm bad at giving space as all I want to do is fix this. Should I wait a month, two months. When is enough enough. I know its only been a week so now is not the time.
Call Me Al Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 That was my issue. I couldnt 'go on break' because it meant assigning a timeline. All you can do is walk away for now and let it progress as it should. Mind you, I understand the feeling SUCKS...but there is nothing you can do now and stringing it along and saying a week/month from now it has to be fixed will be far harder than just saying 'call me when you figure things out'.
Author Cluelessaboutthis Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 is my limited contact in school hurting my chances. I mean there is really nothing I can do about it and I don't want to ignore her. the one class we have together she sits right next to me. the other times I pass her in the hallway and I know she sees me she looks right at me. I'm a generally nice guy anyway so I don't want her to think that I'm purposely ignoring her. I don't seek her out and I could if I wanted to.
depplover_1980 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I really feel for you here, it must be so hard seeing her at school. In terms of texting her, or contacting her after her break etc, I strongly advise you to leave her be and give her the opportunity to come to you. Let's face it, you only want her back if she also wants you. If you never give her any room to do that, she cannot make her mind up. You need to have some blind faith in the great moments you shared and be confident. When you see her act upbeat, like you're happy and doing well - it won't do you any harm to fake happiness for a while if you're feeling rubbish and she may well be reminded of what she's missing...
Author Cluelessaboutthis Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 thanks for the help I mean I'm thinking about writing down her contact info and deleting it from my phone as it is hard to say what may happen if I'm out for the night and get the urge to call/text. I didn't think this would work but the support of these boards and reading others stories is definitely helping.
Author Cluelessaboutthis Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 This is what's going on...went through spring break (10 days) with NC or so I thought...apparently I texted her an inside joke when I was out one night. No I love yous or I miss yous or anything. Got back to school and I got a text back 2 days later on the inside joke with her joking back. Then a couple texts just asking me questions. I ran into her in the hall we spoke for 15 minutes asked about each others break and she made sure to tell me she didn't really do anything but hung out with her girlfriends a couple times. I then ended the conversation to go to class and she said see you tomorrow. The next day we have to sit next to each other as seating is set for the semester. We spoke she asked if I had pictures from my break. Which I showed her she saw a picture of my nephews and commented how cute they are. Then instead of just leaving as she had done previously she walked outside with me where I was my funny self and she laughed...again nothing serious. Then I split off to go to my car she asked if I would be in class on Thursday which I will not. All good interactions. Still no calling/texting since the one by accident. Then today in school I was sitting in a lounge and she just walked by and waved...nothing else. This has been more confusing than anything else. So I thought I was ok with NC but since we never set parameters for our break I'm thinking of texting/calling or emailing basically saying that we should meet outside of school to discuss what is going on. I mean are we on a break or are we done. I am planning to emphasis that there will be no emotions on my part I just want to know. I mean to be honest I think that's all I'm hanging onto is the indefiniteness of the break. It would hurt but I think to know it was over would help me finally cut the cord and be able to go through my school days without thinking about it as much.
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