huskers11 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 So my group of friends I hang out with I met through my now ex boyfriend(we broke up 5 weeks ago) but I became really close with them and I don't want to lose any of them. One of the couples in the group is actually my ex's brother and sister in-law. One of the guys in the group started dating this girl about two months ago and we all made fun of her at first and didn't really accept her. I was talking to him about this about a week ago and he mentioned that he was offended by a few comments various people have made to him and he takes it personally because he really likes her and he feels like we disapprove of her. I felt bad about this because I knew int he beginning we hadn't given her a fair chance and I thought the attitude kind of carried over. There are four girls in our group and we get along great, so I know we haven't fully included her into our little circle. Well I decided to text the girls telling them kind of what he told me and that we need to be more careful about our comments and try to accept her more. Well my ex's sister in-law is so angry at me saying I was butting into a friendship that was there long before I came along and it's causing problems! I know I went about it the wrong way, through texting and I'm sure I came off wrong, but this wasn't my intention at all. My intentions were good and I do realize now I overstepped. I've apologized to everyone and tried to explain I wasn't trying to step into their friendship, I was looking at it us as a group not individually. How can I make it better?
Tayla Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 okay I plum got confused, which person specifically is made at you? The paragraph and sentences seemed non specific as to who is not getting your fair intentions...... On a side note, I often take phone to hand and speak with the persons or talk in person. Text ( as so often the case) lacks the sincerity or "tone" in which someone is conveying a concern. Anyways if you can clarify then maybe I can understand the matter ...
Author huskers11 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 Sorry, I was trying to make it so I didn't have to say names! The person who is angry at me is my ex boyfriends sister in-law! Before the breakup, we became really close and have stayed close until this drama started happening!
Tayla Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 No need to apologize , was seeking clarification so as to figure out the relations and importance. So she is mad at you for being unbias and willing to extend a desire to be kind to another? SOrry but I dont quite get the purpose of this persons discontent. You are by no means accountable for anyones feelings other then they own them and expressed them. Beyond that its a natural regard to differ in an adult manner. One must ask which person is the adult when discord transpires to this level.....WHat do you think her reasoning was ?
Author huskers11 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 I'm not really sure! I kind of talked to her on Wednesday and she told me she was mad because she felt like I was butting in on a friendship that was there long before they knew any of me and it was causing problems. Which I understand that, it wasn't my intention to get involved in that friendship but I do see that that is what happened. So I apologized for that and for the misunderstanding/drama. I talked to the guy whose's confidence I betrayed in this situation and he made it seem like he was fine with them now and everything was good! So I don't understand what problems I caused, when it seems like the only problem I caused has been resolved. I find it rather ridiculous that she still won't talk to me after a week tho! She has one of my books I need for a class and she won't even meet up with me to give it to me. She is going to give it to her husband to give to a mutual friend to give to me. We are 22 years old and I feel like she's acting like a child. I've apologized, offered to meet in person, so I don't know what else to do!
Tayla Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Then you have done all you can on the emotional level with her, by apologizing and acknowledging her view point. She in turn needs to also acknowledge your good intent. That is where being adults comes into play. Completely miffed that she can't or chooses not to return the book in question directly to you. That portion seems quite childlike.... I would follow up with a second direct request and then move on with other important people in your true circle of friends. This person is on the outskirts of that circle....
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