Fern Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 woke up today feeling more determined to get him out of my life then yesterday, re blocked him from computer communication. I am not changing my number but am looking into options to get his number blocked on my phone so he cant text or call me. Therapy today. so tired though. I can do this I know I can. Of course you can do it. You're going to be okay. You're just coming off a very toxic drug - you'll not know yourself in a few months.
Author angelboots Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 thank you Fern, your message came through as I was typing mine. I took steps this morning to put a stop to this game. i have had enough too. Waiting and hoping that things will go back to how they were is futile... i think in part my ego has been damaged too in all honesty. I cant forgive the cheating and the abuse and there really is nothing i can expected him to say or do to take the hurt away. I think I have been hoping there would be something from him that would fix the pain, but i have realised there truly isnt anything coming my way from him except prolonged pain and probably future abuse.
Lemontang Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Fern I love your opinions, even the little bits of tough love. And lets face it we could all use a little bit of that sometimes to shake us awake from the haze. Angelboots if your serious about blocking him out (which I'm sure you are) and you've blocked him via the web. Don't waste time teetering about blocking him on the phone too. If you've got an Iphone or an Android they have plenty of free apps. I myself use one on my Android to block someone. It lets them ring once then auto hangs up so it doesn't even go to voice mail, even the txt messages get auto deleted and it's all silent so you never even know they tried to contact you. Which in turn gives you no reason to care. You could also go to your phone provider and get it blocked, but from memory I think you need 3 instances within a short time frame for them to block the number here in OZ via the exchange. Anyway I'd wish you luck, but I think your well on your way now to being your own person.
Denillad Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 AB, I feel ur pain. My ex used me for two years post break up, let me correct that I allowed myself to be used. I'm taking 100% responsibility for what I allowed. He played with my emotion cause I wasn't strong enough to break free n in the end he said to stop harassing him. This is the man who said I meant the world to him and he loved mote than anything but I accepted crumbs. He has had a girlfriend since we have been apart n he says he is happy in that relationship but want to meet up for sex. Our exes have done us wrong but we have to break free. I too accepted the crumbs cause it was the only thing I could get from from him. I initiated nc after we had a nasty argument, I apologized and I decided to break free. I initiated nc 5 weeks ago, changed my number n try my best. That all u can do now. Block him from your life! I cried today harder thatn I have in along time but I thing its apart of the process. I know I chose to stand by what we had, n he didn't. I have accept it n that I allowed him to treat me less than I deserve. You won't forget this experience but if u try hard enough you will move on from it and be able to get pass the hurt. No contact n forgiveness are key to moving forward. Forgiveness is not for him, it's for ur heart. Hate, anger n resentment will follow us and surface in the future. We will make it through if we make the necessary steps.
Author angelboots Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 todays therapy was good for me. we discussed why i keep letting him come back into my life and at what times i have been letting him come back, its always at times when i am feeling vulnerable because of other pressures in my life, she pointed out that abusers almost have a sixth sense for knowing exactly how to go about keeping things under their control and know exactly how to trigger sympathy and compliance from their victims. I too do acknowledge that every time i do allow contact to be re-establised i know its going to end bad, that i am waiting for the impossible and trying to allow a pigs ear to magically transform into a silk purse, but she said being the type of woman I am I am too sympathetic, too forgiving and need to learn how to give myself boundries and to hell if i hurt him, he is hurting me. she pointed out each time its longer before i cave to he's crumbs and each time i do cave in to it i stay shorter then the previous time, my therapist told me to accept that as a sign of improvement I found it interesting too then when I got home my friend had emailed me this link about why people stay to keep being burned. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/relationship-insanity-understanding-why-you-feel-tempted-to-go-back-and-repeat-your-pattern-with-your-pain-source/ any way i am feeling a lot stronger about maintaining NC this time around.
Author angelboots Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 I feel so stupid sitting here crying tonight. I feel stupid for crying over someone who was such a jerk. He is still blocked from everything and his number is now blocked on my cell too. I am feeling the reality that it really truly is over even though i have "known" it was over for a long time. I am so mad and hurt by everything he did. I am so mad at me for allowing it and encouraging it by not leaving sooner. Why is it so hard this time? to say good bye to someone?
Fern Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I feel so stupid sitting here crying tonight. I feel stupid for crying over someone who was such a jerk. He is still blocked from everything and his number is now blocked on my cell too. I am feeling the reality that it really truly is over even though i have "known" it was over for a long time. I am so mad and hurt by everything he did. I am so mad at me for allowing it and encouraging it by not leaving sooner. Why is it so hard this time? to say good bye to someone? Stop beating yourself up over it - I cried EVERY DAY for at least 8 weeks, maybe even 12 weeks after my relationship ended. And my ex was just as big an ass as yours - just in a different way. You just have to get through it. Feel the pain, you're not stupid for caring, you just have to allow yourself to feel bad and move on to someone who's capable of appreciating your love and care. The only way out is through. That's the sad fact. We're all here for you to vent to. Just don't allow this guy to keep you hanging any longer. You KNOW this is for the best in the long run. It's better than letting him torture you for years to come. You're going to be okay. I promise. xx
Lemontang Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 One thing I'll say is one day you'll wake up and go "WTF? Did I just waste all that time pining over this person?". That you can bank on. It happened to me after a torturous breakup. I eventually woke up after spending weeks...ok months on end feeling numb to pretty much go "F this I've got better things to waste my time on" and proceeded to go about living my life the way I wanted to live it and not through the shadow of someone else. You could say I decided to play catch up with myself to where I should be as a person. And I think when people do wake up to themselves this is what they basically try to do. Sure I had some stumbling blocks along the way, but each time it hurt less and less. And yeah I still think about this ex once in awhile, but I also look at it and realise the bullet I dodged in the process and shudder to think not just where my life would be now but the emancipated person I was becoming. For me I came away with a lesson learned never to compromise myself again, and I take that as the one positive from that relationship.
Author angelboots Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 One thing I'll say is one day you'll wake up and go "WTF? Did I just waste all that time pining over this person?". LOL lemontang I can not wait to wake up and feel like that Today marks the end of day three no contact and i feel good, I dont have to fear he will pop up and ruin my healing with any crumbs or "need for sympathy" the way he used to as he is still blocked from absolutely EVERYTHING and I haven't folded or contacted him either I am still sad but not all the time, in fact he only popped into my head a few times today and didn't stay there very long at all I focused on work at work and spent the night messing around in the music studio with a great bunch of youths at risk which is always soul enriching I managed to complete my second assignment for the term three weeks early. I organised some extra shifts at work and was asked to help with a youth project that I cant wait to get into, I agreed to go out and have a drink with friends on Sat night and see some live music.. I guess it seems like I am trying to keep busy and I guess to some extent I am but in actual fact I stopped "living" my normal life of being on the go 20 hours a day in order to be at his beck and call so i could avoid his tantrums and accusations that I was "never there for him" So bring on day 4 of NC
Author angelboots Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 so i survived day 4 going into day 5, i still feel strong but got more confirmation that my ex is a nut job. had two friends contact me today, two male friends, saying he threatened to hurt them. they think its because he has realised i have blocked him every where. It makes me feel safe to know he is working away until june and then when he is done he is contracted in another state though...welcome day 4 and i am NOT going to cave. I can see he is a psycho now. no more rose tinted glasses for me
Author angelboots Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 survived day 5 i feel ok.. I am a bit worried about this weekend though but i am hoping to be ok... the fact he cant contact me really makes all the difference Had a great shift at work but had one period where he entered my mind and i got a little bit down. i cant wait to just "not" think of him any more.
Author angelboots Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 I am officially at one week NC and I feel ok still a bit sad.. a hell of a lot of "wow i was so naive" but mostly i feel ok. I do get sad when I think about him on a work level and I miss having someone to talk to who is as passionate as me about the career path we were both on but now i have hope that, with time, I might meet someone else to share my hopes and dreams with that isn't so nasty and who hopefully knows how to spell
Lemontang Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I am officially at one week NC and I feel ok still a bit sad.. a hell of a lot of "wow i was so naive".... It feels great to reach that point doesn't it? A lot of us do at some stage or another. Good work, keep at it. Sure you'll still have your moments. But now your also starting to see what he's like when "he's" not in control of you.
KennyD Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Congrats, hope it goes good for you. I cant get this....its going to keep happening again and again. I am contemplating quitting my job (my part time one, the meaningless one) just so i can make a clean break and never see her again and begin to heal
Frank13 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 It has been a few days since Angleboot's last message. I hope she didn't have a relapse.
Author angelboots Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 I most definitely haven't relapsed just have been allowing myself to keep busy with work and studies so much so I haven't really felt the need to comment recently lol my feelings and decision are the same as a few days ago Kenny, NC really is the only way to go during a break up. I feel I have come so far since going NC. I still think of him often but it doesn't cause the anguish it used to. Obviously for me I had to really own the fact he was going to never give me closure and that some things, no matter how much you dont understand it just "are how they are" I know that any contact from him would sent me back (maybe), which is why he is blocked from trying to contact me any where. I feel that I have taken my power back. I feel that I have remained true to myself this whole journey and i feel.... at peace with it all at this point. I tried, I loved, I trusted, I got burnt, i am still alive. therefore I am ok
Frank13 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks for the update Angelboots. I am so glad to hear you haven't relapsed and are doing better.
cerridwen Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I know that any contact from him would sent me back (maybe), which is why he is blocked from trying to contact me any where. This seems to have made a HUGE difference. Contact from him ALWAYS seem to trigger an ugly, painful episode for you. Keep truckin' Angelboots. You're in a rhythm now
Author angelboots Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 (edited) Almost at the two week mark and the ex has contacted me... through of all places my private work email which he shouldn't even know exists. I get the feeling he has a mutual friend on the inside giving him info. I deleted the email and blocked him there but it made me mad to think someone is "helping" him after everything that has happened. It was just him asking him why i have blocked him every where, then two more with just question marks.... so not even crumbs of crumbs but i dont care about that so much. actually i felt pretty numb. which is a good sign My trust is already pretty low in people but the idea that even my friends might be people i need to watch makes me sad. Edited March 26, 2011 by angelboots spelling spasm..
cerridwen Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Love has he has zero respect for your wishes to be left alone. He's a poop.
Author angelboots Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 He never showed anyone any respect, so I cant say I am too surprised lol guess it should have been a red flag at the start too He's a poop. That is putting it so nicely lol I need NC from him to get through this, i think he just likes to know I am thinking of him, no matter what he has to do to get that attention. Its pretty sad (read: pathetic) really.
Frank13 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Hang in there Angelboots. You are doing well. Pretty sad if someone on the inside is passing him info. I am just wondering if it is possible that he guessed your wok email address from knowing the format. If he ever received email from someone else at joy company, might have been able to guess yours, for example, you last name and first initial of your first name @company.
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