shelley123 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Hi everyone im new and i need some answers fast. I have been marred for 13 years and have a girl aged 7,the marrage had its ups and downs ,but as a rule we were happy. In may last year my husband told me he had feelings for a nother woman(shes 19 hes 40.)He said nothing had happened and hee new it was wrong to have deveolped feelings.i Thew him out(we should of talked but i was angry )He moved in with his parents but 3 weeks later he told me he was getting a flat with this woman.My world fell apart my daughter and i were devestated.He then asked for acsess 2 days a weeks for my daughter ,i let her go .4 WEEKS later he told me that the girl was pregnent with his child ,he was happy.Iwas devastated in 8 weeks he had moved out moved in to a flat ,wanted acsees to his daughter and now the girl was pregnent.Iwas deeply depressed,annoyed,angery,bitter, For the last 6 months my life as been horrible ,until out of the blue in november he turned up saying that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and he begged me to take him back.What would i do?Iloved him deeply,but i hated him for what he had done....and theres a baby on the way .A babyhe wants...................Ihad him back in december just before christmas and he left the girl.The babys due in 2 weeks and im finding it all to much,hes still in constant contact with the girl,its making me ill.Should i just let go and throw him out?will i ever trust him?or might this just work? HELP
woinlove Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Hi everyone im new and i need some answers fast. I have been marred for 13 years and have a girl aged 7,the marrage had its ups and downs ,but as a rule we were happy. In may last year my husband told me he had feelings for a nother woman(shes 19 hes 40.)He said nothing had happened and hee new it was wrong to have deveolped feelings.i Thew him out(we should of talked but i was angry )He moved in with his parents but 3 weeks later he told me he was getting a flat with this woman.My world fell apart my daughter and i were devestated.He then asked for acsess 2 days a weeks for my daughter ,i let her go .4 WEEKS later he told me that the girl was pregnent with his child ,he was happy.Iwas devastated in 8 weeks he had moved out moved in to a flat ,wanted acsees to his daughter and now the girl was pregnent.Iwas deeply depressed,annoyed,angery,bitter, For the last 6 months my life as been horrible ,until out of the blue in november he turned up saying that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and he begged me to take him back.What would i do?Iloved him deeply,but i hated him for what he had done....and theres a baby on the way .A babyhe wants...................Ihad him back in december just before christmas and he left the girl.The babys due in 2 weeks and im finding it all to much,hes still in constant contact with the girl,its making me ill.Should i just let go and throw him out?will i ever trust him?or might this just work? HELP People can change and trust can be rebuilt, but given the circumstances here, I think it will take years. If you try to work things out with your H a lot of your time and energy will need to go into that, and it may not work, and meanwhile, your daughter will be missing at least some of what she so much deserves from her parents. I don't know anything more than you write - I don't know how good a father, husband, friend, and lover that your H is capable of being. But from what you write, I lean toward throwing him out and focussing on helping both yourself and your daughter heal from the turmoil your H has caused. You only have control over yourself and, frankly, counting on your H sounds like it could cause you and your daughter a lot of grief for quite a long time. Even one sane and loving parent is worth so much to a child - and that is something you do have control over. In any case, you likely should find out your options by consulting a lawyer. Child support can be complex in such cases, and you want to make sure your daughter will be provided for in any case. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
bentnotbroken Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I think you need to get into counseling and figure out what it is you want. Any ill feelings can be transferred to the new child if not deal with properly. It is up to you to look out for yourself and your daughter. A new child and what he did isn't something I would be willing to deal with, but you need to figure these things out for your own mental health and the emotional well being of your daughter.
East7 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Wow...that's terrible A man who leaves his wife for an almost teenager that he barely knows and makes a baby with her, is either immature or doesn't want to do anything with you anymore (or both). You say he was happy with having OW pregnant, so it wasn't unwanted. When the new baby will arrive he will be naturally more protective and he will be forced to contact the OW to ask about the baby. He will be probably going back and forth between you and the OW. I hate to say this, but if you stay with him, OW and her baby will haunt your relationship forever.
findingnemo Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Hi everyone im new and i need some answers fast. I have been marred for 13 years and have a girl aged 7,the marrage had its ups and downs ,but as a rule we were happy. In may last year my husband told me he had feelings for a nother woman(shes 19 hes 40.)He said nothing had happened and hee new it was wrong to have deveolped feelings.i Thew him out(we should of talked but i was angry )He moved in with his parents but 3 weeks later he told me he was getting a flat with this woman.My world fell apart my daughter and i were devestated.He then asked for acsess 2 days a weeks for my daughter ,i let her go .4 WEEKS later he told me that the girl was pregnent with his child ,he was happy.Iwas devastated in 8 weeks he had moved out moved in to a flat ,wanted acsees to his daughter and now the girl was pregnent.Iwas deeply depressed,annoyed,angery,bitter, For the last 6 months my life as been horrible ,until out of the blue in november he turned up saying that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and he begged me to take him back.What would i do?Iloved him deeply,but i hated him for what he had done....and theres a baby on the way .A babyhe wants...................Ihad him back in december just before christmas and he left the girl.The babys due in 2 weeks and im finding it all to much,hes still in constant contact with the girl,its making me ill.Should i just let go and throw him out?will i ever trust him?or might this just work? HELP Hi Shelley, Things seem to have happened for you at lightening speed. Any decisions would have been made while still in shock. Now you are beginning to think about what you want and what you deserve. Why did you take him back and what terms did you give him, if any?
Flabbergaster Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Option 1: tell him to go to hell. Get counseling to recover. Post here to help recover. Option 2: try to patch it up. Get counseling to recover. He has to go to counseling, he also has to go to group counseling with you (these are deal breakers; make it clear this is non-negotiable). Post here to help recover This is a huge shock and huge amount of pain. I would suggest you get some strength from everyone here that cares about your situation, and then get some counseling to help you understand which of those options you want. Ask him to stay in a hotel / with friends for a bit, while you take time to think about these two options. Maybe have coffee with him (not in your house or his new 'room'; neutral environment like a coffee shop or hotel lobby) every day or two.
Emme Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) If you love your husband. Truly love him, don't let him go. That is the best advice I can give you. When the vows you took say in good times and in bad... It's no joke. This is your bad time and It's up to you to see it through to the good time. I'm not sure what your future holds but if you want him in your life after all that's happened you have to choose to see it through. I know that divorce is hard to come by in the UK so he will still be your husband for a long time. If you have any demands of him you will have to make them now. Please don't loose your head and make demands that are not realistic. He has to have contact with her. You can request that if it has anything to do with the baby he can have contact. He will be there for the birth and you can be there as well. Yes you can. You will request a DNA test at birth at the hospital. If he wants to see his child he can... question is are you ok with the two of them being alone. You have to work through that. It's not ok to have a baby do the commuting so that you can be comfortable to watch his every move. You are going to have to trust and have faith he will do the right thing. If you are not prepared to fight for your marriage then it's already over. If you love him, you will fight for him. If you don't let it go. Edited March 3, 2011 by Emme
Author shelley123 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 I would like to thank everyone for there replys it as helped me understand a bit more.The next few weeks waiting forr the birth of the baby are so difficult,and knowing that he so wants to be part of this childs life.I have come to terms with this fact its just the woman(girl)who will always be a part of our lifes that i am finding difficult to deal with.going of my own experanice when we had our daughter the love bewteen us when our daughter came into the world was electric.What happens if he feels the same again with her ?i cant put myself thew it all again.
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