gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I was with my girlfriend for 3 years and engaged also I know it was stupid but im 27 and shes 20 now we argued over silly things since xmas but I wanted to work on it and to be honest still had amazing times but about a month ago she didnt seem interested anymore then 3 weeks ago finished me, she left crying her eyes out saying she loves me so much more than anyone else etc etc but had to go off and be single for a while i had a horrible feeling she wanted to go with other people. Anyway ive contacted her a few times since even went up to her house (no its a stupid thing to do and should have just ignored her) and to be honest she seemed so fine i couldnt believe it that after 3 years and so many memories she just seems fine, 3 weeks on im struggling to eat, work, sleep, and constantly feel cold and have a terrible pain in my stomach. to make things worse my sister is friends with her on facebook so i can see her updates even though she thinks im blocked and honestly while im sat at home upset she is constantly out and guess she meeting guys and her updates for example last night at 3am she just put 'wow' i mean wtf does this mean i no i shouldnt check i no when i do check it kills me and like an idiot i text her to ask her if shes met anyone else or anything. Ive never been like this with any1 i can normally just switch them off but with her i cant throughout our relationship she tried to make me jelous and to be fair to her she was really nice with me but ever so often it felt like i had to tell her what was right and wrong but the past year has been brilliant but that may just be because i never checked, i honestly think she has left me to go find other people the day she left she added she missed flirting i said you can flirst while with me just dont like kiss or anything its not hard but i know she wants other people but if that is the case seriously 3 weeks later shes doing it and i cant eat i dont get it everything i did and she doesnt seem to care 1 bit about me anymore not even as friends its horrible. Just how can someone you shared all them memories with suddenly switch you off and make you feel so worthless
Author gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Anyone got any advice on how to just get over this?
carhill Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 People change a lot from 17 to 20. Like you said, you had some wonderful times with her. You have a lifetime of wonderful times ahead of you. She's only a small part of that journey. Just how can someone you shared all them memories with suddenly switch you off and make you feel so worthless They just do. I've found the best treatment, besides NC, is to proactively do it yourself. Put yourself first and care less about other's feelings. This is not to say 'do not care', but put less emphasis outside yourself. Accept that a young lady's feelings for you can change 'like a light switch'. If/when they do, they do. You can't control it, so accept it. Welcome to LS
Author gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 People change a lot from 17 to 20. Like you said, you had some wonderful times with her. You have a lifetime of wonderful times ahead of you. She's only a small part of that journey. They just do. I've found the best treatment, besides NC, is to proactively do it yourself. Put yourself first and care less about other's feelings. This is not to say 'do not care', but put less emphasis outside yourself. Accept that a young lady's feelings for you can change 'like a light switch'. If/when they do, they do. You can't control it, so accept it. Welcome to LS thank you for the welcome Just find it so crazy that the one girl the one person i told all my darkest and deepest things to will never contact me again, does it really happen can a girl who left you for no reason other than wanting to be single never contact you again? when she left she was crying her eyes out but its so upsetting thinking and knowing i wont hear her voice ever again
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 As Carhill has already stated, people change a lot from 17 to 2O. In fact, I would say that whole window between 17 and 25 means a lot of changes and a lot of growing up to do. I know some people do get married very young but I know a lot of people who went that route and ended up feeling resentful by the time they reached their late 2Os because they always wondered if they were missing out on something. Teenage girls are very fickle and I am telling you, 22 is the new 18. There is the romanticized part of marriage that is very much possible, but there is also the part of marriage where it is an actual responsibility and I know I was not ready for marriage at 24 much less 2O. What I wanted at 2O is TOTALLY different from what I have and cherish now at 26. My view in relationships and what I want in a partner changed quite a bit, as did where I wanted to go in my life, what my ambitions were, etc. Listen to all the advice about NC for your OWN well being so you do not drive yourself crazy analyzing every facebook message she posts and thing she does.
carhill Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 How long were you engaged? Did she give you the ring back? Oh, also, women 'cry their eyes out' for a lot of reasons, and many have nothing to do with you.
Author gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 We where engaged for nearly a year she offered to give it me back and like an idiot i said keep it as a memory cost me a fortune too so bit silly really but just didnt want to accept it at the time. Its just horrible though just wish my appetite for food and life would come back i physically cannot be bothered to move anymore nothing seems worth it im at work now and what am i looking forward to? going home alone sitting in the house alone its horrible
carhill Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Your appetite will return, eventually. Myself, after my decade long M ended and my ex took our cat, I adopted a new one. He's sleeping next to me as I type this. Now is a good time to reach out to friends. Friends are a great asset.
timchambo Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Get that ring back. Some how some way. Maybe wait till you feel she is done 100%. Also go hang with your friends. Don't be home alone. It's such a miserable feeling. Trust me man. My fiancé did the same thing after 7 years. She had my replacement lined up and everything.
Author gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Just dont get how it happens maybe its my anger but in my experience men will normally talk about issues and try to iron them out and work on it but all girls ive been with that have problems bottle them up until the day they explode and go nope its over and you never even noticed there was a problem, i no she was young and im an idiot but at 24 and her 17 it was fine we both still went out etc now im 27 shes 20 it just felt so strange that she just completly switched off ive tried contacting her since and its like she hates me yet ive contacted her id say 3 times in 3 weeks yet she still thinks im a loser it doesnt make sense its not a small date we where together 3 years she knows me why has it turned to hate yet ive done nothing wrong. 1 day shes crying her eyes out then literally a day later she texts me no kisses and it just read 'sort your phone bill out im gettin emails saying its overdue' im like ok MATE :S
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 thank you for the welcome Just find it so crazy that the one girl the one person i told all my darkest and deepest things to will never contact me again, does it really happen can a girl who left you for no reason other than wanting to be single never contact you again? when she left she was crying her eyes out but its so upsetting thinking and knowing i wont hear her voice ever again It does seem weird I know, but yes it can and really does happen like that. The people we were once so closely bonded with, who we shared inside jokes and pet names, life stories and sentimental moments with become strangers to us when we break up and go our seperate ways. It sounds sad but I look back on all of my ended relationships and feel greatful for the good times I did have, as dysfunctional as the majority of my past RS were they were not without their positive qualities. Also, the lovely man I am with now and will spend my life with is more right for me by a landslide than anyone else in my past. I know it hurts but heartache will not live with you forever unless you refuse to eventually let go and move on with your life. I would have taken every heartbreak with a big, fat, smile had I known the amazing and wonderful man I would end up with at the end of it all. That can be you too.
Author gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 It does seem weird I know, but yes it can and really does happen like that. The people we were once so closely bonded with, who we shared inside jokes and pet names, life stories and sentimental moments with become strangers to us when we break up and go our seperate ways. It sounds sad but I look back on all of my ended relationships and feel greatful for the good times I did have, as dysfunctional as the majority of my past RS were they were not without their positive qualities. Also, the lovely man I am with now and will spend my life with is more right for me by a landslide than anyone else in my past. I know it hurts but heartache will not live with you forever unless you refuse to eventually let go and move on with your life. I would have taken every heartbreak with a big, fat, smile had I known the amazing and wonderful man I would end up with at the end of it all. That can be you too. Thank you thats really positive, at the moment i struggle to see a future for me it just shattered my confidence and i had loads before her but she was my first love knew it would end but its so hard to even think about replacing her
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Just dont get how it happens maybe its my anger but in my experience men will normally talk about issues and try to iron them out and work on it but all girls ive been with that have problems bottle them up until the day they explode and go nope its over and you never even noticed there was a problem, i no she was young and im an idiot but at 24 and her 17 it was fine we both still went out etc now im 27 shes 20 it just felt so strange that she just completly switched off ive tried contacting her since and its like she hates me yet ive contacted her id say 3 times in 3 weeks yet she still thinks im a loser it doesnt make sense its not a small date we where together 3 years she knows me why has it turned to hate yet ive done nothing wrong. 1 day shes crying her eyes out then literally a day later she texts me no kisses and it just read 'sort your phone bill out im gettin emails saying its overdue' im like ok MATE :S It sounds like she did her leaving while she was still in the RS. That does not mean it was for another man, but it seems pretty probable she began emotionally detaching herself from you while still having the comfort of the RS to land on if she fell. So, even though to you this is coming quite suddenly for her it could have been over for awhile. Both men and women can have the negative habit of holding things inside instead of talking about them. However, when you start to mature you realise that not every day in your RS is a carnival and you are okay with that. Not every day you get along great, some days you want to strangle them, Some days you think they are being a pain in the ass, Some days you think they are King Jerk, yep that is all normal but you still love them to pieces despite that and you do not consider walking out on the RS just because of it.
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Thank you thats really positive, at the moment i struggle to see a future for me it just shattered my confidence and i had loads before her but she was my first love knew it would end but its so hard to even think about replacing her I understand. The last time someone broke my heart I swore I would never love anyone again and hell, that was not even my first love..lol. I really believed I would never feel love or happiness again. I went through all the stages just as they say you will..feeling angry, feeling depressed, bargaining, yada yada yada. I went through the stages of grief a few times and in jumbled up order. I tortured myself by doing dumb things like checking to see his status updates online and of course I would be crushed to see some pretty girl leaving flirty comments or what have you. He even got a chance to play with my head pretty good for a time there but about four months after the break up, I just could not take being in so much pain anymore. One day, I blocked myself from everything so I could not know what he was doing or have any clue. I let my friends know I did not want to hear about him or what he was doing, nothing. After about 4 weeks I finally started to let go and eventually moved on and sometime later after that met the wonderful man who has brought so much joy and warmth to my life for almost 3 years now. I love him so much and our RS is ten hundred times what any past RS has been, really.
Author gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Looking back I already knew, we used to talk about everything yet looking back everytime since xmas i put anything nice on her facebook for example she'd just ignore it for example she'd put a picture on and people would say things her mates and she'd say thanks then i'd say something like 'still as beautfiul as ever' and she didnt even reply yet she used to love that sort of thing just breaks my heart knowing I was there with her and she was probably looking at me thinking get me out of this. Im such an idiot i should have seen all this before i dont know where it went wrong just a combination of things pushed her over the edge i still blame myself. EDIT: she even said when she left that she blamed me for letting her go in the first place as when we argued i asked her to leave i didnt mean for good i just didnt want to argue so asked her to leave for a day not forever.
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Looking back I already knew, we used to talk about everything yet looking back everytime since xmas i put anything nice on her facebook for example she'd just ignore it for example she'd put a picture on and people would say things her mates and she'd say thanks then i'd say something like 'still as beautfiul as ever' and she didnt even reply yet she used to love that sort of thing just breaks my heart knowing I was there with her and she was probably looking at me thinking get me out of this. Im such an idiot i should have seen all this before i dont know where it went wrong just a combination of things pushed her over the edge i still blame myself. EDIT: she even said when she left that she blamed me for letting her go in the first place as when we argued i asked her to leave i didnt mean for good i just didnt want to argue so asked her to leave for a day not forever. You were just being yourself. We all have flaws and faults, habits, and quirks. The kind of RS that can withstand the challenge of a marriage is a RS where you are loved and cherished for being you. Where your partner wants you flaws and all. Where you can be accepted. She was young and may have just grown in another direction which is exactly the kind of thing most go through during those ages in life, it is really no ones fault that she grew up. No need to beat yourself up over it. That is a bit like being down on yourself every day for not being a certain shoe size, or being born with a certain eye color. Would you rag on yourself for those things..well you should not blame yourself for being who you are either, and that your partner grew in another direction that just did align with you.
Author gatecrasher7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Thank you honestly that does really help, ill post my updates on how im doing but thanks again
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Thank you honestly that does really help, ill post my updates on how im doing but thanks again You are welcome. I know it is hard to see the forest through the trees right now because you are hurt and grieving, but be kind to yourself. Also, consider blocking her and letting others know not to bring her up right now. It really eases the hurt to not have her new life flaunted in your face. You will work through this and be okay. Heartbreak is not your last chance for love and happiness.
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