blackwidow290 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months a few days ago because I cheated on him. The relationship had its difficulties, but mainly it was a good one. He was really in love with me and I felt that I could stay with him forever. Now, I have been friends with lets call him John for five years. We used to live on opposing coasts of this country and once I was there with friends, I visited him also... and we had an amazing, inspiring connection. That was two years ago and shortly after he moved close to the city that I live in. Provided stressful life circumstances (both figuring out what to do in life..), past relationships we were in, we never rekindled the connection, but we continued to speak regularly as friends, coming to each other when we've needed emotional support. he has said that he still wishes he had a connection like that and that it made him really happy. During past few months, John had been asking me out constantly, talking against my boyfriend or trying to trash talk him. I always told him that he was wrong. February was a rocky month for the relationship I was in.. my boyfriend didnt put an effort into doing something for feb14. but had purchased something and was waiting for it to be delivered. stupid.. John paid for my ticket to go visit him, we talked for a couple of hours.. I could tell that he was interested but also disturbed by the fact that I was in a relationship. We went to his place.. hung out, had amazing sex. But the entire time he felt distrustful.. asking questions such as "you dont do this with your boyfriend, hang out at home?".. and he kept on inquiring more. At some point during the night, he made a vague comment about feeling used. Anyway, the next day.. I felt bad about the entire situation, ended the relationship with my boyfriend and told John about it and also said that I need a few weeks to myself. I was tempted to ask him if we would be getting together again.. and he responded that like i said before he needs some time to think about it. he also said that it all occurred very fast. I agreed with that.. and explained why I came to see him, where i stood emotionally etc and I said that no matter what he decides we will always be friends. and he said that of course, we'll always be friends. Why is he being vague abotu getting together again? Why the time? Is he letting me down easy? Edited March 3, 2011 by blackwidow290
Author blackwidow290 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 ah also I should add that the deciding factor was that .. I am more interested in John.. and since I feel that, theres no point in staying in a relationship with someone who is not my number 1. Dont judge please.
heartshaped Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Do you really think guys trash talk your boyfriend because they want to be with you? No, they do it because they want to sleep with you, you slept with him, and now, there's nothing else he wants from you. He's not going to make you his girlfriend after you cheated on your boyfriend with him.
Author blackwidow290 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) Do you really think guys trash talk your boyfriend because they want to be with you? No, they do it because they want to sleep with you, you slept with him, and now, there's nothing else he wants from you. He's not going to make you his girlfriend after you cheated on your boyfriend with him. yea, why not? we had already slept together a few years ago when i went to visit him.. and i know that hes not a manwhore. hes been celibate for many months because he doesnt want to let himself get involved with the wrong person. people have more substance Edited March 3, 2011 by blackwidow290
Mrlonelyone Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 There is no reason to think that he's not into you after having been real friends with you all this time. It sounds like the two of you have harbored some deeper feelings for a very long time. Lets be honest your BF of 8 months .... most of those months were spent in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. You saw the reality of what living with him forever would be like and perhaps did not really like it. I think he's taking his time. You have been friends for years. So he thinks he has time. One more thing. In general men are up front about rejection and don't let a woman down easy. Otherwise they just go poof.
TaraMaiden Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 yea, why not? we had already slept together a few years ago when i went to visit him.. and i know that hes not a manwhore. hes been celibate for many months because he doesnt want to let himself get involved with the wrong person. people have more substance That, in his mind, may be his thinking on this, too.... Maybe he loves you, but is not IN love with you. Sex with someone you like a couple of times, doesn't create a relationship. He likes you, he likes the sex, but I don't think he was bargaining for a long-term thing. perhaps he sees you as a really good FWB....
SingVoice Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 He might be freaked out because...let's be honest....you cheated on your boyfriend. And even though it was WITH him...he might be thinking..."well she did it to him so she could do it to me."
Author blackwidow290 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Thank you for the reponses and the valid points of view. After some consideration, I think that since I initially asked for time apart to think, he is making me stick to that. I think that his intentions were towards long-term because he talked about him and I in a serious, future oriented way. However, who knows.. there's many possibilities. Time will tell. Like MrLonelyOne, after the honeymoon phase I realized that the relationship I was in wasnt right for me. I've learned the lesson about cheating here.. quite hurtful to everyone involved. I don't want to make the same mistake again, so yea.. I will slow down and figure out what I want rather than JUMP into the relationship. and always keep optimistic.. whether its with John or another lucky man
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