mixedEmoTion Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 ill make this quick Me and my GF broke up 2 months ago because she couldn't deal with the fact that when she was upset she couldn't get a hug from me or see me more than every 2 weeks....she said she wanted me as her best friend tho. i do go to college 2 hours away so it makes it difficult (i don't have a car). I was at her college 2 weekends ago and she told me she did still love me but didn't want to lead me on. then a week later txts me goodnight, we have been talking a little here and there since. I miss her more than anything and it hurts so much each and everyday but now this has given me hope...is this false hope, is she just being friendly or does she actually miss me???
Author mixedEmoTion Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 I'm scared to tell her i love and miss her...i don't want her get scared ...i was thinking of sending her a letter expressing how i feel about the situation? good or bad?
Graceful Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 ill make this quick Me and my GF broke up 2 months ago because she couldn't deal with the fact that when she was upset she couldn't get a hug from me or see me more than every 2 weeks....she said she wanted me as her best friend tho. i do go to college 2 hours away so it makes it difficult (i don't have a car). I was at her college 2 weekends ago and she told me she did still love me but didn't want to lead me on. then a week later txts me goodnight, we have been talking a little here and there since. I miss her more than anything and it hurts so much each and everyday but now this has given me hope...is this false hope, is she just being friendly or does she actually miss me??? If she broke up with you, then how can you scare her away? It was her decision. The words "I love you" don't mean much, in my estimation, without backing them up with actions. If all she wants is your friendship, then she doesn't love you romantically. And she is leading you on, yes, if she speaks to you that way and doesn't back it up. You should not be talking to her at all. She can't have it both ways unless you let her. "Best friends" don't break up with you because they can't see you when they want to. Best friends don't desert you. Best friends don't jerk you around. So no, she's not your best friend, because that's what she is doing. And you're not her best friend, either. You're her ex. She seems to have made it clear that she doesn't want a relationship with you, you live 2 hours away without a car, you're in college, so why knock yourself out trying to put things back together? Does not seem worth it. If you feel strongly enough to write a letter, then it can't hurt, but don't have any expectations from it. It won't change anything, but if it makes you feel better, it won't do any harm. Otherwise, stop making yourself a doormat, okay?
carhill Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Holiday break-up.... was it in person? How old are you and she? Have you considered getting a car and dating locally, as options? If you're typical 18-22 age group, this is normal. It's a time of personal growth and dating and girlfriends are part of that. Sometimes a LTR will come out of that period but don't expect it. As life goes by, it will be that personal growth which will define you. Other potentials will present themselves. Perhaps, in time, you and she can be friends in the same sense of the word that describes your male friends. Doubtful, but possible. Once you've healed from the breakup, see how it goes. Right now, she's healing (women heal by different processes than men IME) and your attention, response and validation are part of that healing. Up to you what you want to do about that. Good test of 'love' is telling her about some important stuff in your life, including new young ladies you've met and observing her response. If she's interested in details and shows care, there's friendship potential there. If not, you're getting Hoovered, which mean she's sucking the emotions out of you but returning nothing. Unhealthy. I wouldn't send a letter, but certainly would write one and store it away. They make for interesting reading decades later. BTDT, done both and there was certainly more regret attached to letters sent during moments of emotional unhealthiness. Hope it works out.
Author mixedEmoTion Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) I was going to keep in contact with her just so it wont be awkward when we see each other this summer. Im hoping we can talk things out at some point face to face to see exactly what each other is feeling if there isnt any interest then ill let her go. im gonna send the letter because i want her to know how i feel, maybe she will reciprocate and give me a call or txt if not at least she knows. Yeah the break up was in person she was really upset by having to do so, that's another reason I'm a little confused...i understand she broke up with me but it seemed like she broke her own heart in the process... Edited March 3, 2011 by mixedEmoTion
Graceful Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I was going to keep in contact with her just so it wont be awkward when we see each other this summer. Im hoping we can talk things out at some point face to face to see exactly what each other is feeling if there isnt any interest then ill let her go. im gonna send the letter because i want her to know how i feel, maybe she will reciprocate and give me a call or txt if not at least she knows. Yeah the break up was in person she was really upset by having to do so, that's another reason I'm a little confused...i understand she broke up with me but it seemed like she broke her own heart in the process... I don't doubt she feels badly. But you see, there were ways you two could have worked things out, if she had the maturity to do so. Lots of couples work out a successful LDR if the commitment is there, and the love is strong enough. So she just doesn't have that depth of emotion. It's not her fault, and not your fault, it's just a symptom of being young and in transition. You sound very sincere in your efforts to send the letter and again, I don't see any harm in it. If you can keep your expectations very realistic in terms of hearing from her (as in, you may not hear from her) and you feel that you can handle that, then go with your gut. We can't tell you one way or the other, and with the situation being what it is, the gentle act of sending a letter can hardly be something you'd regret. Hope you feel better soon, and take care.
Author mixedEmoTion Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 thank you for the insight, i just needed to hear something from someone else so i knew my decisions weren't irrational. I am going to send the letter today and when she gets it see if she says anything, i'm hoping it will spark the conversation that leads us to talking about something emotional because i don't think either of us want to start it.
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