yes Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 often, you guys say - if the person acted a certain way before, they'll do it again; don't expect anyone to change their ways. well - i'm wondering if you think exceptions are possible. in particular, if the guy is young - could he have matured? is it possible that he'll be good to a girl that he hurt before, because he wasn't able to committ? also, what can the girl do to ensure she doesn't get hurt again - just take it slow?... thanks, -yes
Darkangelism Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 It is possible to change, justnot likly, unless years have past.
Girlie Posted March 29, 2004 Posted March 29, 2004 Change is always possible. However, it seems to be often unlikely, unfortunately. It's definitely possible that a young man who hurt someone because he couldn't committ would change with age and want to committ later in life. On the flip side, there's really no way to know for sure if the change has taken place and so there's no way for the girl to ensure that there will be no heartbreak. It's all a matter of whether or not the risk is worth it. Taking it slow might help. At the very least, it gives the girl the option of being cautious and taking things slowly and watching carefully to see if this man actually has changed.
Wolvesbaned Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Here's a site on a behavioral change: Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change http://www.cba.uri.edu/Scholl/Notes/Change_TTM.htm Change isn't easy but it's definitely possible.
Tony T Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Great site, Wolvesbaned. You may be in line to dethrone moimeme as the LoveShack Link Lady if you continue!
moimeme Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Hah! Duelling URL's LOL. That is a great synopsis, W! I like Psychological Self-Help, myself. Here are chapters on behaviour and behaviour change. http://www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap4/ http://www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap11/ Yes, yes, people can change and many do. It happens for many reasons, but crises can be particularly good stimulants for change.
Arabess Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Do you think it is better if someone changes on their own without the people they hurt having to be present?? Or does the ones they hurt seem to help in speeding up the process?
moimeme Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 I think usually the hurt people are long gone. It's the people who come later who benefit from the changes.
ONE2SLY Posted April 4, 2004 Posted April 4, 2004 Change is only possible when you choose to make change for yourself. I am the "dumpee" of a 10.5 year relationship and quite devastated, but I cannot ignore my faults that caused the separation. Now I can only focus on making the changes I need in my heart and soul and heal the past hurts that have devastated my life and family. I'm sure it will take time, but now I have all the time in the world to deal with myself. I get out of bed when I manage to only because of the hope that someday I can make it right and reconcile my relationship
Sundaymorning Posted April 4, 2004 Posted April 4, 2004 No. I honestly do not think people can change completely. I have met a few people in my days...and witnessed their extreme behavior. As years passed, they said they changed but they did not completely. Sure some of the big things will change but never completely will it all disappear.
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