Movingthrough Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Hey everyone, I have been post break up for a little while now and have been seeing a therapist for issues related more for anxiety, but def. my last breakup is a huge topic in these sessions. One thing that has come up a lot is the fact that i seem to relate a lot of what i do to someone else. When im in a relationship i live my life and do not stop my hobbies or things i enjoy for them, but mentally i include them in what i do. If i had a good day at work, i would think of them, a bad day, i would think of them. I could get a promotion and i would want to share that with them...in other words, i make them very much part of me. Now i dont think that is a bad quality but now that im single i find myself feeling like there is a void there, and if i do a simple task around the house even, i find my brain "searching" for the person, companion, someone to share my thoughts and time with. My therapist said he wants me to explore this more, explore why i cant just be me in my time, be content and not "need" that figure or companion there in everything i do. Figure i would post and see if anyone has dealt with this or has any insight.....thanks!
SmileFace Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 BUMP! hopefully someone finds this thread and have some insight. I don't have much to add right now. However I will say I think you therapist is wrong. I mean why shouldn't you relate your day to your S.O. I mean as long as your life doesn't evolve around their existence I see no problem.If this isn't something you must have when it doesn't happen - I see no problem.
Author Movingthrough Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 BUMP! hopefully someone finds this thread and have some insight. I don't have much to add right now. However I will say I think you therapist is wrong. I mean why shouldn't you relate your day to your S.O. I mean as long as your life doesn't evolve around their existence I see no problem.If this isn't something you must have when it doesn't happen - I see no problem. No he meant more or less the fact that my everyday doings or hobbies etc should not have to do with someone else, i should be able to enjoy and do things without the thoughts of another, in other words being content where i am at with just me. I know overall this is pretty common when you are with someone, but i feel for me personally that i do it too much, while you should always have that connection, not everything should be based off of the thought of another....if that makes sense....?
Cee Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I don't know how long you've been single, but for me it took years to get over that feeling of a void. When I was first single, I would have imaginary conversations with platonic friends. I know, it's weird, but I felt like I needed someone to accompany me in my life. I felt like I hadn't done anything unless I told someone about it. And I wasn't going to call my friends for every single little thing. The feeling passed, but it took a long time. Eventually, things I did and thought had meaning even if I was the only one who knew about it. Being single and complete takes a lot of alone time, something singlehood inevitably offers. My personality has changed from being single so long. I have become much more private and actually enjoy the fact that people don't know my comings and goings. Decisions were a little scary, but I changed jobs twice and moved twice being completely single. I even tried to buy a house, although I had a platonic friend give moral support. That was a big undertaking. You sound alright to me in that you are doing things and living life. But it's an adjustment period to get the brain to understand the single life.
Author Movingthrough Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 I don't know how long you've been single, but for me it took years to get over that feeling of a void. When I was first single, I would have imaginary conversations with platonic friends. I know, it's weird, but I felt like I needed someone to accompany me in my life. I felt like I hadn't done anything unless I told someone about it. And I wasn't going to call my friends for every single little thing. The feeling passed, but it took a long time. Eventually, things I did and thought had meaning even if I was the only one who knew about it. Being single and complete takes a lot of alone time, something singlehood inevitably offers. My personality has changed from being single so long. I have become much more private and actually enjoy the fact that people don't know my comings and goings. Decisions were a little scary, but I changed jobs twice and moved twice being completely single. I even tried to buy a house, although I had a platonic friend give moral support. That was a big undertaking. You sound alright to me in that you are doing things and living life. But it's an adjustment period to get the brain to understand the single life. Yeah im def. still living life and not letting it really hold me back from what i do, but since being in therapy it has made me look to the past, and one thing that i see is i "keep" my SO with me mentally in a lot of what i do. When you are in a relationship that is great, who wouldnt want someone like that. But i find myself doing small things that dont have anything to do with a SO but i still "search" for one in my mind. I dont know if its some sort of dependency thing or what, but i guess its just like if you have a bad day its good to have that person to call and relate too, my issues is i could take out the trash and trying to think of someone, its almost too much part of me...
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