Cee Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 It's best to drop him now because I promise you, he's going to pull a fade really fast. Even if you manage a 3rd "date," he will supply the alcohol and hope your roommate is scarce. He's showing classic behavior of setting you up as a booty call. His comment about sex with his ex GF was a test. A woman who wants a monogamous LTR would run screaming into the hills after his comment. A woman looking for something casual would accept a future "date" with him. Talk to your roomie about this. I bet she gets tough and says you deserve better. Because you do. You deserve much better. Hang in there. Online dating can be tough.
Author EricaH329 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 If you really don't want to hook up, like I said--make your actions as well as your words reflect that. Make sure you don't put yourself in situations early on which would make it easy to fall into bed, like not taking a guy back to your place/going to his place, drinking alcohol, etc. Your actions have made your words ("not looking for just a hook-up") pretty much irrelevant. As for this guy claiming to not have enough time to see you more than once a week...from what you've said about his schedule, unless there's a fairly significant distance between the two of you, I call BS. My BF and I consistently saw each other more than once a week after our first date (still do) and it's a 30-40 minute drive one-way. I don't think this guy's sufficiently interested. I think you know it, too. Time to throw in the towel. It is about a 30 minute drive one way, but during the week (which is when he wants to see me) is worse because of traffic. It'll take him about an hour and a half to get here. I think you guys are right. I do need to throw in the towel. Should I just disappear? Or tell him I don't think it's going to work? I don't have much experience with this, if you can't tell. It's best to drop him now because I promise you, he's going to pull a fade really fast. Even if you manage a 3rd "date," he will supply the alcohol and hope your roommate is scarce. He's showing classic behavior of setting you up as a booty call. His comment about sex with his ex GF was a test. A woman who wants a monogamous LTR would run screaming into the hills after his comment. A woman looking for something casual would accept a future "date" with him. Talk to your roomie about this. I bet she gets tough and says you deserve better. Because you do. You deserve much better. Hang in there. Online dating can be tough. Oh, I know once I tell my roomie about it she's going to tell me not to talk to him again. Online dating is really tough. I have yet to find a guy whose intentions aren't to just hook up. I know I hooked up with this guy, but sleeping with your ex doesn't scream 'commitment ready'. I'm not going to give up just yet, but it's becoming very difficult to remain optimistic at this point.
Cee Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Tigressa and the other online vets may have other ideas, but to me, it's easy to next an online date. Simply make no effort to contact him. If he texts you, don't respond or give a short response. Often a person fades after the second or third date. Him fading or you fading isn't a big deal. Happens a lot. You shouldn't put any effort in explanations. He doesn't deserve that. I'm sorry if I come across as cold and cynical. But it's important to cast aside the time wasters and focus on people who are looking for what you are. Good luck.
em84 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 OK, i've never tried it but i'm readig why men marry b*****s right now and i have to say some of it makes real sense so based on that..... the ex sleeping with him bit was said for a reaction, he was trying to make you jealous and if he was actually going to cheat he wouldn't be telling you about her (when you think about it this does actually make sense, not that i would be happy...) asking to see him more often is going to fast so if you want to end it or not, back right off as Cee said - make no effort to contact him. If he wants to be with you he'll start wondering where you are and make huge efforts to see you then you've taken back the power and it'll be your choice whether you respond...although i would tell him either way because i'd feel bad otherwise but thats just me good luck either way
AverageJoe Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Some of you are treating her situation as if they have been dating for weeks or months. They have been on TWO (2) dates!! C'mon! What is your big damn hurry, Erica? You wan't to sabotage a potential relationship (keyword potential) over the fact your immediate demands are not being met. There is no relationship yet. You have had two great dates. Why are you getting all bent out of shape because you are not getting the attention you want when in reality you really don't know yet if he can provide that to you or not. Talk about knee jerk reactions. Relax.
january2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Erica, I'm so sorry this was a dead end. I think that all you can do is accept the life lesson, get back on the horse and keep moving forward - whether that means to keep plugging away at online dating but taking it much slower with the next guy or focusing on RL dating/activities instead.
Author EricaH329 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 You guys are right. With spring coming, it should be much easier to meet people outside. However, in the meantime, I do have a few dates lined up. As an update for this guy (the one the thread is about) I told him that I didn't think it would be a good idea to see eachother anymore. I told him it was because he was still involved with his ex. I've went through it several times before, and know that no matter what when you are involved with your ex you cannot fully invest (or even partially seriously invest) in another person. He told me he didn't want it to be like that, that he really does like me, but that he understands and wants to remain friends. He has contacted me every day since.
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