NG85 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 We all know someone who is always in a relationship, never single, and who makes their partner their entire lives. I noticed this mostly happens with females (But I also know guys like this). They fall very hard for someone, then the relationship falls apart, and then almost instantly they fall for someone else, get into a relationship, then it falls apart, ad nauseum. You talk to them, and everything out of their mouths is about their partner. You can't see them because they're always with their partner, or they bring their partner along to everything. They're basically bonded at the hip. They take on their partner's likes and dislikes. My question is, is this healthy? Does it show a perceived lack of value in a person or a lack of independence/strength if they HAVE to be in a relationship? It's almost as if they can't bear being single. And on top of that, it's like their personality and interests are governed by who they're seeing. I've known people who change radically with every person they date (Pro-lifers become pro-choicers, teetotalers becoming party animals, anarchists becoming Republicans, etc).
Movingthrough Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I think it has to do with something in them that isn't fixed, something they don't want to do deal with. If you can't be out of a relationship for long, you probably have issues under the surface. Like with me, since my breakup things have come out, because I didn't have that bandaid or person there to make me forget. Its easier to run then deal with problems. To be into someone I think is good but people that completely change and HAVE to be in a relationship have other issues IMO.
Author NG85 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 I think it has to do with something in them that isn't fixed, something they don't want to do deal with. If you can't be out of a relationship for long, you probably have issues under the surface. Like with me, since my breakup things have come out, because I didn't have that bandaid or person there to make me forget. Its easier to run then deal with problems. To be into someone I think is good but people that completely change and HAVE to be in a relationship have other issues IMO. Excellent analysis, that's what I was thinking. I've been looking back on my last break-up where I've been single for 4 months, but my ex jumped into a new relationship right away. I've always pictured myself as being stable and independent, and although it was tough at first, I am enjoying the single life and all the freedom it brings. My ex had "daddy issues", I guess you'd call it, where her father was still there in her life, but wasn't a good father at all. Therefore it seems that she needs a positive male figure in her life all the time, in the form of a boyfriend. I noticed when we began dating she got REALLY into it really quickly, and everything she did sort of revolved around me. Now everything she does revolves around her new guy. She also had a history of jumping from relationship to relationship, never being single for too long. Add in a great amount of insecurities, and it does seem like she uses relationships as a band-aid to cover her issues.
Stung Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 It's common and fairly natural to talk a lot about your SO in the early stages of a relationship, and for those who express love through quality time there's not necessarily anything wrong with being 'attached at the hip,' IMO. But as with most things, it's all a matter of degree. Some people obviously lose perspective. Anyone who is emotionally incapable of being single for any period of time, who has their likes and dislikes, goals and desires set and defined by someone else, probably has a self-esteem problem--but it's also possible that they're just quite young and inexperienced with defining boundaries, or don't really know themselves well yet. I knew a lot of people who submerged their personalities in relationships to ridiculous degrees, but when they were teens or in their early 20s. Most of them that I still know of seem to have grown out of it.
Movingthrough Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Same with my ex, within weeks she was with someone else, and it has been way over the top. Its hard for me to see it and hear it but I know there is no way someone can go from "I love you" then jump right to something else. There has to be some sort of issue because when you go from person to person you are running from something. My ex was the "tough girl" on the outside but her background was full of guys either hanging off of her or beating her. She has rumors of infidelity also. The problem is (like your topic is saying) you see all the bending all the "love" they are doing for you, changing for you, and it makes you feel different and great. But they can leave and move on in a second because the minute they aren't doing that anymore (either because of honeymoon phase being over, fighting etc) they will find another band aid to do it with. These people that can move on so fast and change who they are for someone else cause the relationship to be intense and feel so great which makes it hard to let go even when we know it's not healthy.
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