pandagirl Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 This is in reference to this guy: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265364/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265262/ So, I basically wrote this guy off, but he's gotten back in touch with me. I'm currently casually seeing someone else right now, so I'm not looking to start anything up again... but I am curious. The tone of his messages to me are no longer flirtatious, yet he is asking me to meet up with him. I'm not really sure why. If you went on three dates with a girl, and you haven't seen her in two weeks, would you meet up with her again just to "break up" with her? Could guilt be a motivating factor?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 This is in reference to this guy: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265364/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265262/ So, I basically wrote this guy off, but he's gotten back in touch with me. I'm currently casually seeing someone else right now, so I'm not looking to start anything up again... but I am curious. The tone of his messages to me are no longer flirtatious, yet he is asking me to meet up with him. I'm not really sure why. If you went on three dates with a girl, and you haven't seen her in two weeks, would you meet up with her again just to "break up" with her? Could guilt be a motivating factor? No, most guys take the cowardly way out when they " break up". I'm more curious to know, what it is exactly you want from this guy?
Author pandagirl Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 No, most guys take the cowardly way out when they " break up". I'm more curious to know, what it is exactly you want from this guy? Honestly, I don't think I necessarily want anything from him. I will say that we had an intellectual connection that was very strong -- the way we talked, exchanged ideas, got each other's humor, etc. Also, physical attraction was also strong. His emails to me are cold, yet he wants to see me. I could see him when he was free, and he even said, "Let's meet next week then." Am I just being treated as a backburner? For attention?
eerie_reverie Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 What does he mean by "see" you? Is it a date? To gauge his intentions, I'd probe about what he has in mind.
Author pandagirl Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 What does he mean by "see" you? Is it a date? To gauge his intentions, I'd probe about what he has in mind. He just wants to meet up and get a drink. We've been emailing a lot lately, but without the flirtation.
Author pandagirl Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 So, I met up with this guy last night. We had been sporadically emailing each other back-and-forth, and I wasn't sure why so I flat out told him, "Hey if you just want to be friends, that's cool. Just putting that out there." He wrote back saying: "I do want to hangout. And I still want to talk about our previous talk." What he is referring to is talking about me having herpes. I had assumed that since he hadn't asked me out in three weeks, that it was over. We met up, and he basically told me that he was ok with it, but also didn't say that he wanted to continue seeing me, and that he was going to get tested too because he might have it and not even know. So i asked him what he wanted with me and he said: "Let's just see what happens, just know that if we don't work out, it won't be because of herpes, it will be because of something else." Our hangout turned into a flirty, fun date. He spent the night at my place (didn't have sex). Him telling me he was OK with the H was a pleasant surprise for me. But I'm confused as to why he 1) took so long to get back to me about his "decision," and 2) his interest level in me seems minimal at this point, so why even bother with me? Maybe he's just playing the field and wants to see where we go?
Kamille Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 This is in reference to this guy: I love it when LSers' romantic lives are such whirlwinds that they need to give us pointers so we don't get confused. Panda... You seem to have an affliction, where you always dismiss the possibility that guys could be interested in your romantically. Your defense mechanism agaisnt potential rejection (and pain) is to see rejection everywhere. The question is: why do you always focus on signs of disinterest, and why do you so easily jump to the conclusion a guy isn't interested? Apparently, you're so charming that it doesn't actually stop these guys from pursuing you. But I wonder if it hinders you from being playful and flirtatious with this guys. I wonder if it makes getting to know you incredibly difficult. I also wonder if your propensity to "play down" guy's potential romantic interests doesn't feed your insecurities. Obviously, it stems from your insecurities about yourself, but I feel like they might actually also perpetuate them. I remember reading in Psychology Today that men tend to over-estimate women's interest in them. The researchers pointed out that this had a beneficial effect. It gave guys the courage to hit on more women, and gave them a higher rate of success in the end. You have the opposite problem. You systematically underestimate men's potential interest in you, and actively jump to the conclusion that they aren't interested in you. But what would happen if you stopped looking for signs of disinterests? All that being said... What did he say about his age???
iJester Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 He was probably scared by the H initially, but remembered all the good things you mentioned and probably did some research on it. He also probably thinks you may be angry/upset with him for leaving you. Just play it out and see where it goes.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Maybe he's just playing the field and wants to see where we go? Could be PG. But it's hard to tell since most of your attraction and dynamic occurred in cyberspace. If you're going to tread lightly here, I ask that you pay attention to his actions. A man who is interested would never be hesitant about making dates and spending time with you ( in person).
Author pandagirl Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) I love it when LSers' romantic lives are such whirlwinds that they need to give us pointers so we don't get confused. Panda... You seem to have an affliction, where you always dismiss the possibility that guys could be interested in your romantically. Your defense mechanism agaisnt potential rejection (and pain) is to see rejection everywhere. The question is: why do you always focus on signs of disinterest, and why do you so easily jump to the conclusion a guy isn't interested? Apparently, you're so charming that it doesn't actually stop these guys from pursuing you. But I wonder if it hinders you from being playful and flirtatious with this guys. I wonder if it makes getting to know you incredibly difficult. I also wonder if your propensity to "play down" guy's potential romantic interests doesn't feed your insecurities. Obviously, it stems from your insecurities about yourself, but I feel like they might actually also perpetuate them. I remember reading in Psychology Today that men tend to over-estimate women's interest in them. The researchers pointed out that this had a beneficial effect. It gave guys the courage to hit on more women, and gave them a higher rate of success in the end. You have the opposite problem. You systematically underestimate men's potential interest in you, and actively jump to the conclusion that they aren't interested in you. But what would happen if you stopped looking for signs of disinterests? All that being said... What did he say about his age??? Kamille, sometimes I wish we were friends in real life! You seem to know me so well. But, you're right -- my self-defense mechanism is to see rejection everywhere. It's like, if I can prep myself for the worst, then I will be prepared for when it happens. Stupid, I know. I just over-analyze everything down to only the negative parts. Objectively speaking, I should be HAPPY that this guy told me he was still interested in me despite having herpes, yet I am only focusing on how he might screw me over. I do it every time with men. I see everything as a sign of disinterest though! :/ Getting to know me is fairly easy. Not to toot my own horn, but I am fairly charming. I know how to talk to people, make them laugh, etc. The hard part is getting actually close to me, because I don't make myself vulnerable very often. Part of that whole self-defense thing. As for his age, nothing! If I continue to see him, I will bring it up though. Could be PG. But it's hard to tell since most of your attraction and dynamic occurred in cyberspace. If you're going to tread lightly here, I ask that you pay attention to his actions. A man who is interested would never be hesitant about making dates and spending time with you ( in person). Well, we've hung out four times now in real life. I do agree when you say to pay attention to his actions, and this is actually what is confusing to me. His interest level in me seems low right now, however why did he then meet up with me to have a discussion about how he is OK with me having herpes? That conveys... interest, right? I don't know why he would go through the trouble of doing that, if he wasn't? Yet his actions otherwise indicate low interest, in terms of contact and stuff. Edited March 10, 2011 by pandagirl
Author pandagirl Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 I would like to say I have not heard from this guy since Tuesday. I can live without him, but his actions towards me have me really confused.
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