druelex71 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I have cheated and lost her trust. It has been seven years since we have been together. We have both been in relationships since and are now currently single. I have always thought I would never be happy if we were not together. And I have not. I should mention we have two kids together and see each other most of the time. But we are now both single and i feel its now are never. But the issue is trust. What can i do as a man to regain the trust with her and assure her of my intentions. The love is there on both sides. At least this is what she tells me. Where do I start? Everytime she sees a different guy it breaks my heart again. Thats why I say now or never. Any answers on how to approach this?
neveragain1 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 What can i do as a man to regain the trust with her and assure her of my intentions. nothing really. why should she trust you? lemme guess, you've changed:rolleyes: ok, only thing you can do is if you two end up together, then you don't do anything that would cause her to think you might be cheating again. for instance, going out drinking, to clubs, whatever, is not going to install that much trust of you in her. (not saying you do those things, this is just an example) you are basically going to have to settle down and put away your childish ways. and that isn't going to guarantee that she will trust you again. and if she does trust you again, it will never be full trust. sorry, you f####d that up. honestly, if I were one of her friends, I'd be telling her she needs her head examined if she gets back with you. but its her call, and your burden to show her you are ready to settle down. hope you can handle not going out with the guys. The love is there on both sides. At least this is what she tells me. Where do I start? Everytime she sees a different guy it breaks my heart again. you think it breaks your heart? imagine getting back with her and you find out she was bouncing up and down on another man behind your back. THEN you'll know what heartbreak is and how you made her feel when you screwed her over. so put yourself in her shoes. Imagine her being pleasure by another man behind your back and how it would make you feel, and what you think it would take from her to make it right with you.
Author druelex71 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 It has been seven years. are you saying that someone is not capable of change. I know it was bad but come on. Has it not been long enough.
lululucy Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 so put yourself in her shoes. Imagine her being pleasure by another man behind your back and how it would make you feel, and what you think it would take from her to make it right with you. I don't think the OP really read this part through so qft. Some people can get over being cheated on, some people can't. Earning back trust doesn't happen overnight, or in seven years, if you're not putting in serious effort to show her that you've changed and in what ways. She isn't going to believe you so you have to prove it. She is still going to remember exactly what it felt like to learn about your philandering and she is smart to keep her guard up, especially when there's kids involved. Have you gone to therapy to figure out why you cheated in the first place? Do that. And maybe invite her to attend counselling with you once you've figured out your own problems so she can see you being open and honest with her. You may have to answer hard questions before she even considers going on a date with you, let alone taking you back. And maybe she won't want you back, don't rule that out.
freestyle Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 If she's open to reconsidering your relationship---which she may not be, like some of the other posters mentioned-- One thing you can do to rebuild trust is to offer 1000% transparency. Which means allow her access to your phone ,texts, emails, etc.You have to willing to be accountable for your whereabouts at all times.....no if's and's or but's. You have to demonstrate GENUINE remorse---which means that you're truly sorry you hurt her, betrayed her, and damaged her capacity for trust with your actions.You have to really truly, OWN your actions, and take full responsibility for the resulting fallout. If she catches the slightest whiff that you're blameshifting -(Well, I did it because you.......) or rug-sweeping---("are you still upset about that???-that was so long ago, can't we put it behind us....") If she feels the slightest bit invalidated by you--she's very likely (and perfectly within her rights) to tell you to take a hike. You betrayed the trust she put in you.Try to see it as you wrote her a bad check, it bounced, and created a HUGE mess for her.So it's all on you now, to be completely willing to provide as much verification as she needs, before she's willing to accept a check from you again. If she is willing to reconcile with you---she's giving you an incredibly precious gift---treat it as such---with the utmost reverence. best wishes---FS
neveragain1 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 It has been seven years. are you saying that someone is not capable of change. in my opinion, no, not truly. I believe once a cheater always a cheater. And even if I thought someone could change, I wouldn't feel good about being with them still. Everyone is different and its her call. You just need to know, change or not, she WILL remember what you did and you need to imagine what it was like for her to find out you screwed around on her to know what it might take to make it up to her. So imagine you and her back together, and she was having great sex with another man and cheating on you. What would it take for her to make it up to you?
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