My ex is possibly using hatred and ignorance to get over me?

[Strength of Heart]

By looking around my ex's Facebook as of late (She dumped me after 2 1/2 years) I have noticed that she comes off as very bitter, angry, and ignorant.

 

Her most recent post even says

 

"Ignorance is your new best friend."

 

Now, personally, I don't feel really feel any sort of hatred towards her aside from the fact that she is feeling it towards me for virtually no reason. The break up was somewhat mutual, I recommended it because she did not really know what she wanted anymore, to be with me or to be free. I did not want to separate at all, I was willing to fix things, so in a sense I was taking a hit for her to be able to go and discover who she is now and what she really wants in life. I bugged her once or twice via text following the break up but then recognized my mistake and stopped, I am now on my 4th day of NC.

 

Now I have also seen signs, through her surveys, that she kind of misses having me in her life and, personally, I would expect that because I was pretty much all she ever had the past two and a half years because she lives in a really crappy town with not the greatest of people. I helped her through her parents divorce, I helped her to stop cutting herself, I helped her when her friends/family were treating her like garbage. Simply put, I've helped this girl out with so much in her life when we were together and her happiness meant a lot to me and still does.

 

I understand it may be normal for people to experience anger after a break up, but what does it mean? Does it mean that she still loves me and she is fighting it off with anger? Is she mad at her decision to leave me? Is she mad that I made mistakes in the relationship?

 

Sure, I made mistakes in the relationship! But everybody makes mistakes in relationships, and she made mistakes too. But I don't hold that against her now, I forgive her, I like to reflect on all the happy times we had together. I would never paint her a bad image as a tool to get over my love for her, I care about this girl a lot and I honestly would just like to see her happy, with or without me. Is it wrong that I feel like I have handled this situation much more maturely than her? I am 19 and she is 18, but there definitely is a major difference in maturity between the two of us.

 

It just upsets and bothers me that a girl I have done so much for and was always really good to could use hatred, resentment, and ignorance as a tool to push me out of her heart and mind. It bothers me so much that I kind of want to approach her about it, in a mature way, and ask her what the hell she is doing with herself? Would this be a good idea? Or should I just let all that hate pass by?

 

Advice would be much appreciated and past stories of similar situations and what you did!

[lemonlegs]

Wait, she dumped you, but is now angry at you? Or she said she was confused so you're technically the one that suggested breaking up?

 

Maybe when she said she was confused, she wasn't expecting you to push her to be single and now she's regretting her decision of saying something to you. To me it sounds like she's the dumpee, who's bitter and angry at you for doing that to her, yet you say she's the one that broke up with you.... clarify?

 

Either way, if she doesn't have many other people in her life, of course she's missing you. She might be angry at herself. It's natural, though you did nothing wrong, for her feelings towards you to be not favourable. It's just how it goes when people part ways after such a long time...

[Strength of Heart]

Initially, the week before we broke up, we decided to take a break because she had suddenly started distant and very unsure of if she even wanted to be in the relationship anymore. I recommended the Break so tha she could take some time to herself to sort out her feelings. After three days she called me, crying, saying she missed me and we ended the break. A few days later we hung out and she was acting weird once agan, was avoiding intimacy with me, an I could just tell things weren't right. We drove down to the bay in my town, I asked her what was on her mind, and she opened up. She told me pretty much the same stuff, she didn't really know what she wanted anymore. I figured why hold on to her right now if she doesn't even know if she wants me anymore? I told her I did not want to lose her, but maybea break up was what she needed so she could figure out what she wants. I pretty much left the decision to her and she agreed that that is what she needed. I was really upset and obviously heartbroken, but I was pretty much just trying to do the right thing. The first couple of days I bugged her a bit, but then I learned that it was a bad idea. I have gone NC now, it is the fourth day. It could be possible that she is regretting her decision, but should I break NC to find out? Or should I stick with it until she contacts me? I am really confused as to what I should do in this situation

[Strength of Heart]

Bump, desperately need advice.

[depplover_1980]

A couple of things jump out at me.

 

The first is her sudden pull from you, avoiding sex etc - this is usually the behaviour of someone who's met someone else. Do you suspect anything, or anyone? Was there any obvious secrecy like being online a lot, or hiding her phone?

 

The second is her previous issues, mainly the self harming. I know you say you helped her with this but do you know why she was doing it? I am a former self harmer myself.

[Strength of Heart]

Well it was only the night we broke up that she avoided intimacy, not any time previous to that aside from when she came over so we could talk about taking a break. She cut herself because her family situation was bad, her dad who was bi-polar and schizophrenic cheated on her mom, so the dad had to leave the house and things at home went downhill from there for her.

[depplover_1980]

So then she is going to have some big unresolved issues, which she may need to talk over with a counsellor. She will also have a warped perception of relationships based on what she has seen at home.

 

It is the old no contact advice here for this then - it will be interesting to see what she does next.

[hoping2heal]

Just an FYI the line ignorance is your new best friend is from a song. It is very common and popular for people to put song lyrics of something they are liking at the moment as a status.

 

I would not exactly go reading too much into that

[SimonSerenade]

Don't feel bad mate, if she's in a confused mind set at the moment then it is best to stay no contact and give her the space she needs, You did the RIGHT thing by telling her to go find out who she is, it make's you look strong knowing you'd put her feelings and needs above yours, almost like your carrying the weight for the both of you.

 

When my ex left me I begged and pleaded and now I'm sort of wishing for a do over so I can do what you did cause in the end, all that begging and pleading did me no favours and she's gone for good either way, I don't know how the situation with your ex will pan out but be strong, remember that you were fine long before she came in to your life and you'll be fine long after she's gone and that "ignorance is your new best friend" is a line from a crappy Paramore song, I wouldn't look more in to it.