LittleTiger Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Don't forget this, "No pic, no response" written in some people's profiles. lol Yes, indeed, there are plenty of those...... and I had no interest in meeting anyone who posted such a thing on their profile. That's the shallowest thing you can write, as far as I'm concerned.
PJKino Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 . . Women are natually more shallow than men. They never see it this way of course and they'll take your head if you point it out to them, but men who have been through the mill of women BS know what's up. . i agree i love that women act like men are shallow and looks arent that important to them when theres no evidence of that at all Women seem to always be after the same small group of guys,i think men are attracted to a more diverse group of women then vice versa
GivenUp0083 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Sorry, but I don't follow you. I fail to see how my post proved any shallowness. Would you care to explain? In my mind your post just supported by argument and you've just proved to me how shallow guys are.......and you didn't read my post properly - I said I didn't post any close ups. I was happy to get to know anybody who contacted me without 'lets see a photo' being the first thing they said. In my book that is shallow. I certainly never refused to show a photo to a guy once I'd decided he was looking for more than a quick sh*g and it was very clear from the photos I did put up that I don't weigh 200lbs! You do realise, also, that people sometimes post photos of someone else? Or from 10 years ago? So a photo is no guarantee of anything. I didn't care if the guy had a photo either, or how 'good looking' he was - attraction for me is not about looks. Nor did I 'demand' any specific physical attributes though, obviously, like every other individual on this planet, male and female, there are some that attract me more than others. I had nothing to hide, but a lot of very shallow guys to weed out and there is nothing shallow about me. Nothing I said was bull**** either and I'm not selling anything. What I am saying is that you don't know what it's like to be a woman. I don't know what it's like to be a man either, of course, but then I'm not the one who's saying one sex is more shallow than the other. My point is that asking for a photo isn't an indication of shallowness!! It's online dating, most people (yes most, you are in the minority) want to see a face or a clear representing photo of the person they are interacting with. Physical attraction is VERY important in every relationship, and it's usually the stepping stone. Doesn't mean it's everything and guys ONLY want an attractive girl, there's a lot more to it but initial physical attraction very important and not unreasonable to evaluate early in the process. You are wrong for thinking any guy who asks for your photo early on is shallow.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 i agree i love that women act like men are shallow and looks arent that important to them when theres no evidence of that at all Women seem to always be after the same small group of guys,i think men are attracted to a more diverse group of women then vice versa This is very true, many women are very outspoken about their "types" which is a small set of men she will open herself up to for potential relationships based on her specific requirements.
LittleTiger Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 My point is that asking for a photo isn't an indication of shallowness!! It's online dating, most people (yes most, you are in the minority) want to see a face or a clear representing photo of the person they are interacting with. Physical attraction is VERY important in every relationship, and it's usually the stepping stone. Doesn't mean it's everything and guys ONLY want an attractive girl, there's a lot more to it but initial physical attraction very important and not unreasonable to evaluate early in the process. You are wrong for thinking any guy who asks for your photo early on is shallow. I agree that physical attraction, or more specifically sexual attraction, is important in a romantic relationship, and you can only determine that by actually meeting face to face. A photo tells you nothing about whether that person will be attractive to you and being inundated with emails from guys who you have absolutely nothing in common with, just because you have a pretty face or a good figure, must be incredibly annoying. I'm not wrong for thinking a guy who asks for a photo early on is shallow, it's just my opinion. Going by my own personal criteria, I think it's shallow because that is the very first thing they want to know......and if it's the very first thing then it follows that, to that person, looks are more important than personality. What's wrong with communicating by SMS or having a chat on the phone to decide if you think the person is worth getting to know better - why does the visual have to come first? I find doing things that way round to be shallow. JMO. .........and in an attempt to bring this back on topic, wanting to know what someone looks like is pretty much the same as asking how tall they are - isn't it?
Feelin Frisky Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Answering the OP question it is very simple. She wants to wear heels to make her self look taller so that she'll be competitive with other chicks who want to do the same and, she wants that hieght gain not to come at the expense of making her date or mate seem like he got shot-changed by god in the hieight department too. She wants the unspoken ideal of being tall herself and being accompanied by an appropriately taller man. That's not asking to much now, is it?
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Well, I would even like a picture, just to ensure that the person wasn't TOO unattractive to me. I wouldn't just cold turkey go meet someone without getting an inkling of what they look like. Back in the 90's where dating profiles had less pictures, because the technlogy (ie scanners) wasn't as abundant in households, people just went off a description of themselves. I had a friend of mine went to meet a woman that, I suppose wasn't entirely TOO honest about her desc. He went to meet a woman at the cafe court, she said the color of her blouse and dress. She so a rather routund woman with such an outfit. I think he just turned around and headed back home since the hairs on the back of his neck went up. I think she also fibbed about her weight, and he was expecting to see a thinner woman sitting in the cafe court, so he could just say, "I tried l ooking for you there, but you weren't around, but I did see a woman with the same color blouse and dress, but she was a lot bigger than you described yourself." My point is that asking for a photo isn't an indication of shallowness!! It's online dating, most people (yes most, you are in the minority) want to see a face or a clear representing photo of the person they are interacting with. Physical attraction is VERY important in every relationship, and it's usually the stepping stone. Doesn't mean it's everything and guys ONLY want an attractive girl, there's a lot more to it but initial physical attraction very important and not unreasonable to evaluate early in the process. You are wrong for thinking any guy who asks for your photo early on is shallow.
Woggle Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 First time I've probably agreed with Woggle. If the women you're hitting on are all so obsessed with their heels that they discount a guy because of them, you need to ask yourself just WHY you are hitting on such women specifically. Exactly. Why are they going after women obsessed with heels?
oaks Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Exactly. Why are they going after women obsessed with heels? Because she has a nice pair of pins.
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Who says these men are going after women obsessed with heels? Exactly. Why are they going after women obsessed with heels?
Cracker Jack Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Exactly. Why are they going after women obsessed with heels? Um, I love looking at the feet of a woman like no other, but I never deliberately focused on women who were obsessed with heels. That's probably something you can find out about quick on a dating site, but not nearly as quick in person. I'm over the "short guy can't win" attitude that I had in the past, which gets old and dry after awhile, but merely focusing on women who aren't obsessed with heels, or short women in general does not make things any easier, to be honest.
lululucy Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 The only way I would date someone exactly my height (or shorter, which hasn't happened yet) is if I had intense physical chemistry with them. Generally, I like feeling protected next to the man, and being 5'9" myself I like feeling feminine. I didn't wear heels very much with my last boyfriend because he was 5'11" and I'd feel self-conscious. I'm really not sure why this is such a point of contention. Online dating and meeting someone in person are so different because you can't feel the attraction so you have to describe your ideal attraction. If you're so wonderful, lie about your height and win her over in person. Otherwise, who cares. The same way I am not obsessing over this (incredibly delicious) black guy I met who only dates his own race. Tough luck, move on.
dy.lanea Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 That's not shallow at all get over yourself. I'd prefer a women to be shorter then me in heels too. I'm a shallow?
MrNate Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 The only way I would date someone exactly my height (or shorter, which hasn't happened yet) is if I had intense physical chemistry with them. Generally, I like feeling protected next to the man, and being 5'9" myself I like feeling feminine. I didn't wear heels very much with my last boyfriend because he was 5'11" and I'd feel self-conscious. I'm really not sure why this is such a point of contention. Online dating and meeting someone in person are so different because you can't feel the attraction so you have to describe your ideal attraction. If you're so wonderful, lie about your height and win her over in person. Otherwise, who cares. The same way I am not obsessing over this (incredibly delicious) black guy I met who only dates his own race. Tough luck, move on. Sorry about that, it's nothing personal
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Otherwise, who cares. The same way I am not obsessing over this (incredibly delicious) black guy I met who only dates his own race. Tough luck, move on. Now I know your just making stuff up.
Eeyore79 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Don't forget this, "No pic, no response" written in some people's profiles. lol I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for a photo before meeting someone. Why waste my time and his if there isn't even a snowball's chance in hell that I'm ever going to date him? He could be completely hideous, obese, or twenty years older than he claimed, in which case there's no point in us even meeting. Physical attraction is a necessary element in a relationship, and if you aren't attracted to someone the most you can ever be is friends. Why is it shallow to want to verify something as necessary as attraction before spending time and money on a date? I've had some bad experiences where guys sent blurry or dated photos, but they seemed like nice people so we met up, and I wasn't attracted to them. I felt incredibly uncomfortable because I was obliged to at least stay for coffee and had to fend off their advances before I made my excuses and left. In one case a guy made a 2hr return trip to meet me, and I made my excuses and left after 15 mins - I felt incredibly guilty, and I'm sure he was annoyed and upset at the wasted time and gas money. It would have been easier on everyone concerned if he'd just sent me an honest photo and I could have declined the date with no hard feelings.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'm not wrong for thinking a guy who asks for a photo early on is shallow, it's just my opinion. Going by my own personal criteria, I think it's shallow because that is the very first thing they want to know......and if it's the very first thing then it follows that, to that person, looks are more important than personality. It's sad you if you really do believe this. Good luck with your life. Just don't expect to find what you're looking for with that approach. Just curious, what else do you crucify people about before you meet them? If he wears a t-shirt do you assume he's cocky and vain because he is showing off his arms? What other negatives do you just assume about people before ever getting to meet them and know them as a person.
Eeyore79 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Just because someone asks for a photo early on, it doesn't mean that looks are the most important thing to them. Getting to know someone is time consuming for both of you, whereas looking at a photo is a snap judgement that takes about a second, and that judgement tells you whether it's worth the significant time investment of getting to know the person better. Someone who asks for a photo just wants to verify that there's actually some potential for a relationship before they waste their time and yours on getting to know each other.
LittleTiger Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for a photo before meeting someone. Why waste my time and his if there isn't even a snowball's chance in hell that I'm ever going to date him? He could be completely hideous, obese, or twenty years older than he claimed, in which case there's no point in us even meeting. Physical attraction is a necessary element in a relationship, and if you aren't attracted to someone the most you can ever be is friends. Why is it shallow to want to verify something as necessary as attraction before spending time and money on a date? I've had some bad experiences where guys sent blurry or dated photos, but they seemed like nice people so we met up, and I wasn't attracted to them. I felt incredibly uncomfortable because I was obliged to at least stay for coffee and had to fend off their advances before I made my excuses and left. In one case a guy made a 2hr return trip to meet me, and I made my excuses and left after 15 mins - I felt incredibly guilty, and I'm sure he was annoyed and upset at the wasted time and gas money. It would have been easier on everyone concerned if he'd just sent me an honest photo and I could have declined the date with no hard feelings. This just illustrates my point. You can't verify attraction based on a photograph and to attempt to do so is, in my opinion, shallow. How many people have seen someone online they thought looked 'hot' and then when they met them found there was zero attraction? There's a thread somewhere on a different section of LS posted by Johan about two women he finds attractive but can't understand why. Based on the way these two women look he thinks he shouldn't find them attractive - but he does. That's because attraction has very little to do with looks and every time you discount someone because you think they don't look good in a photo you could be missing out on the perfect person for you. You can determine how old someone is, or whether they are obese, by asking them. If they lie to you, they're just as likely to post a photo of someone else anyway - and just because they apparently have an ugly face in a photograph doesn't mean you won't find them sexy in real life.
oaks Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'd like a photo so that I know how to find you in the bar.
LittleTiger Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 It's sad you if you really do believe this. Good luck with your life. Just don't expect to find what you're looking for with that approach. Just curious, what else do you crucify people about before you meet them? If he wears a t-shirt do you assume he's cocky and vain because he is showing off his arms? What other negatives do you just assume about people before ever getting to meet them and know them as a person. Thanks for the good wishes, but I don't need them. I have a very good life and I have already found what I was looking for - I struck gold in fact. After two months of chatting online and on the phone, my husband-to-be travelled 12,000 miles to meet me without even knowing what I looked like (his decision not mine) - he's a very special man of course, one in several thousand million I reckon, but that's exactly why I love him. I don't crucify anybody for anything based on appearance. I've dated, been attracted to, and loved, men of every shape and size - fat, thin, tall, short, good looking, 'ugly' etc. I have no idea what attracts me to a particular person and neither does anybody else - even the scientists haven't figured out how sexual attraction works yet. Values, however, are important to me. Someone who refuses to reply to an email because they can't see a picture of the person who was kind enough, or brave enough, to contact them on a dating site is not the sort of person I would get along with. I don't need any further information than that to know they're not my type. I admit I have strict criteria about someone's values and beliefs in respect to compatibility. That makes far more sense to me than deciding someone doesn't fit whatever criteria you may have about the way they look. What do you base your decision on? The size of their nose, the symmetry of their face, the colour of their eyes or hair? I just don't understand that kind of thinking. Brad Pitt is supposed to be one of the sexiest men on the planet and I have no idea what women see in him. He looks very 'pretty' in a photograph, but he has about as much sex appeal as a potato to me. The camera lies too - digital retouching is a wonderful thing! If looks, or any other superficial, physical charactaristics are so important for lifelong happiness with a partner then how do blind people ever fall in love?
LittleTiger Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'd like a photo so that I know how to find you in the bar. That seems fair enough.
Eeyore79 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 This just illustrates my point. You can't verify attraction based on a photograph and to attempt to do so is, in my opinion, shallow. Actually, my point was that if I'd seen an honest photo of the guy I'd have declined to meet him, and he therefore wouldn't have wasted time and money traveling 2hrs to meet me, only for me to go "Omg, yuck!" as soon as he walked in the door. Intead he deceived me - he sent me a blurry, out of date photo in which his mouth was firmly closed, and he actually looked ok. He turned out to be unpleasantly greasy and badly dressed with teeth like a row of bombed houses Sending an honest photo would have saved time and money for both of us, because I would never have agreed to meet him.
LittleTiger Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Actually, my point was that if I'd seen an honest photo of the guy I'd have declined to meet him, and he therefore wouldn't have wasted time and money traveling 2hrs to meet me, only for me to go "Omg, yuck!" as soon as he walked in the door. Intead he deceived me - he sent me a blurry, out of date photo in which his mouth was firmly closed, and he actually looked ok. He turned out to be unpleasantly greasy and badly dressed with teeth like a row of bombed houses Sending an honest photo would have saved time and money for both of us, because I would never have agreed to meet him. I understand what you're saying but, aside from the way he presented himself, the guy was actually dishonest and there's no way of knowing that until you met him. He could have sent you a great photo with a mouth closed smile and turned up well dressed and beautifully groomed - you still would have gone 'OMG, yuck' when he opened his mouth.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 my husband-to-be See, you haven't experienced the position then of puting yourself out there, making time in your busy schedule, and meeting up with a girl (who by the way the societal norm is for me, a guy, to pay for this person's evening out), only to find they aren't anything that they described themselves to be, or are just not anything what you thought they would look like. You're thrown off, you feel deceived, you feel awkward because the initial attraction just was NOT THERE, and now in light of not being rude to this person you feel like you have to spend some time with her as to not hurt her feelings. You got lucky, once. Go through some dating struggle, then come back and tell me what you think of meeting people without knowing their looks first. You'll sing a different tune, guaranteed.
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