bentnotbroken Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Thank you. No, I am not trying to ruffle feathers at all. I'm still contemplating my relationship w xMM. My latest attempt to move on and date someone else has caused me to miss xMM even more. The last time I had contact w him was Nov. He then said that he wouldn't have gone back to her if I'd put up a fight to keep him. He said I let him go too easy. I did..as soon as he came to me and said "the wife wants me to move back home" I simply said "ok, I'm not standing in your way" He says I should have moved him into my place and let him live here (rent free) while he got his stuff in order with the wife. The wife had begun using her power as a wife to say that they couldn't get divorced because the kids needed this, the house needed that yada yada. I decided not to fight it..I knew it was a fight that would never be over and I wanted my dignity. I was thinking too that maybe he and the wife needed one more dose of each other before they call it quits (if they do quit). I was thinking that maybe one day he'd come back clean and free. I'm still living as if he's not coming back, I am dating others it's just that the others I've met so far are making me miss him more. :lmao::lmao:You let him go too easily. What a baby! He wants others to make choices for his life so he isn't the bad guy. Too immature to take responsibility for himself or his actions. Rent free huh. Grown people pay their way through life unless there is an unforeseen hardship and they need help. His choices have made nothing unforeseen. So he went back home because he is too much of a baby to live on his own without either woman cleaning up his mess. Sweet.
Author SunsetRed Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Yes, Bent, that's 100% true. He can't live on his own. He had to live with either her or me and since he was paying her bills and I'd be paying his, I thought he should just live with her. He said he did not intend to use me in any way, but he was obligated to keep a roof over his kid's head and that meant keeping a roof over wife's head too. I DO understand this. Both of his daughters have teen/young adult self esteem issues and he didn't want them to have to leave the home they grew up in. I TOTALLY understand this...thats why I let him go. I didn't want to be the person who F'd up his daughter's lives. So..I let him go. I think too that if we could've worked something out, then he was the one who should have initiated working it out as it was his responsiblities that were supposedly standing in our way. Oh well...Tonight I'm making another attempt to move on..going to a club where some of the "quality men" supposedly hang out. I'm looking for someone single, with a work ethic and good, respectable manners...seriously, if I could meet one guy like that I'd jump at the chance to move on.
lovingwhatis Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) The last time I had contact w him was Nov. He then said that he wouldn't have gone back to her if I'd put up a fight to keep him. He said I let him go too easy. I did..as soon as he came to me and said "the wife wants me to move back home" I simply said "ok, I'm not standing in your way" He says I should have moved him into my place and let him live here (rent free) while he got his stuff in order with the wife. The wife had begun using her power as a wife to say that they couldn't get divorced because the kids needed this, the house needed that yada yada. I decided not to fight it..I knew it was a fight that would never be over and I wanted my dignity. Wow, he actually said that?! Talk about entitlement.. Good for you that you didn't "fight" for it. And he was intending on using you... Edited March 3, 2011 by lovingwhatis added one thing
findingnemo Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 :lmao:You let him go too easily. What a baby! He wants others to make choices for his life so he isn't the bad guy. Too immature to take responsibility for himself or his actions. Rent free huh. Grown people pay their way through life unless there is an unforeseen hardship and they need help. His choices have made nothing unforeseen. So he went back home because he is too much of a baby to live on his own without either woman cleaning up his mess. Sweet. Thank you. No, I am not trying to ruffle feathers at all. I'm still contemplating my relationship w xMM. My latest attempt to move on and date someone else has caused me to miss xMM even more. The last time I had contact w him was Nov. He then said that he wouldn't have gone back to her if I'd put up a fight to keep him. He said I let him go too easy. I did..as soon as he came to me and said "the wife wants me to move back home" I simply said "ok, I'm not standing in your way" He says I should have moved him into my place and let him live here (rent free) while he got his stuff in order with the wife. The wife had begun using her power as a wife to say that they couldn't get divorced because the kids needed this, the house needed that yada yada. I decided not to fight it..I knew it was a fight that would never be over and I wanted my dignity. I was thinking too that maybe he and the wife needed one more dose of each other before they call it quits (if they do quit). I was thinking that maybe one day he'd come back clean and free. I'm still living as if he's not coming back, I am dating others it's just that the others I've met so far are making me miss him more. Sunset, There must be a number of fOWs who have fought a W and won. But in your case, winning would be the same as losing, if not worse. Your MM is a first-class ***hole. I feel real sorry for his W. Go out and have fun. Lose this guy!!
Spark1111 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Yes, Bent, that's 100% true. He can't live on his own. He had to live with either her or me and since he was paying her bills and I'd be paying his, I thought he should just live with her. He said he did not intend to use me in any way, but he was obligated to keep a roof over his kid's head and that meant keeping a roof over wife's head too. I DO understand this. Both of his daughters have teen/young adult self esteem issues and he didn't want them to have to leave the home they grew up in. I TOTALLY understand this...thats why I let him go. I didn't want to be the person who F'd up his daughter's lives. So..I let him go. I think too that if we could've worked something out, then he was the one who should have initiated working it out as it was his responsiblities that were supposedly standing in our way. Oh well...Tonight I'm making another attempt to move on..going to a club where some of the "quality men" supposedly hang out. I'm looking for someone single, with a work ethic and good, respectable manners...seriously, if I could meet one guy like that I'd jump at the chance to move on. This, unfortunately, is not an uncommon scenario on DDAY. Many a fWS look for the decision to be taken out of their hands....if they avoid conflict, well, there is no greater conflict than DDAY, IMHO. They either enjoy two women catfighting over them (what an ego boost!) or, since they have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions, look to one woman or the other to make a decision for them. I understand a BS fighting to keep a roof over the heads of her children, and I also understand an OW NOT WANTING to be the one to force that decision....why? Cause he will then blame the OW for his misery and indecision, the same exact way he was blaming his W for it during the affair. Anyone else see a glaring repeat pattern of behavior here? Hellloooooo? You go find yourself a good man who makes you the center of his whole world and treats you with RESPECT!:mad:
neveragain1 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 There is no contest between a wife and some OW. This thread has been created to "ruffle feathers". oh I've read enough now to know it is a contest for victory over the BW.
neveragain1 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Nah, the inflammatory post is not SunsetRed's style. I think the point of this thread was to find out if anyone knew of situations where an OW was successful in getting a MM to end his marriage only to find out he was far from a being a prince. well the fact the MM is a cheater should state that obviously for them
NoIDidn't Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Yes, Bent, that's 100% true. He can't live on his own. He had to live with either her or me and since he was paying her bills and I'd be paying his, I thought he should just live with her. He said he did not intend to use me in any way, but he was obligated to keep a roof over his kid's head and that meant keeping a roof over wife's head too. I DO understand this. Both of his daughters have teen/young adult self esteem issues and he didn't want them to have to leave the home they grew up in. I TOTALLY understand this...thats why I let him go. I didn't want to be the person who F'd up his daughter's lives. So..I let him go. I think too that if we could've worked something out, then he was the one who should have initiated working it out as it was his responsiblities that were supposedly standing in our way. Oh well...Tonight I'm making another attempt to move on..going to a club where some of the "quality men" supposedly hang out. I'm looking for someone single, with a work ethic and good, respectable manners...seriously, if I could meet one guy like that I'd jump at the chance to move on. Wow! What a prize he would have been! I'm glad for that little "x" before MM for you! He wanted you to fight for him to live with you rent free while he supported "his" family. That's rich.
spice4life Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Wow! What a prize he would have been! I'm glad for that little "x" before MM for you! He wanted you to fight for him to live with you rent free while he supported "his" family. That's rich. Agree 100%. Thank goodness you are free sunset...he was a loser and an azz.
USCGAviator Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 When you said fought the wife I immediately thought...The time when my now ex wife, sucker sprayed me in the face with some cleaner. Before she could retreat I hit her square in the head with a handful of raw ground chuck. We still laugh about this. +1 for me
tami-chan Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Thank you. No, I am not trying to ruffle feathers at all. I'm still contemplating my relationship w xMM. My latest attempt to move on and date someone else has caused me to miss xMM even more. The last time I had contact w him was Nov. He then said that he wouldn't have gone back to her if I'd put up a fight to keep him. He said I let him go too easy. I did..as soon as he came to me and said "the wife wants me to move back home" I simply said "ok, I'm not standing in your way" He says I should have moved him into my place and let him live here (rent free) while he got his stuff in order with the wife. The wife had begun using her power as a wife to say that they couldn't get divorced because the kids needed this, the house needed that yada yada. I decided not to fight it..I knew it was a fight that would never be over and I wanted my dignity. I was thinking too that maybe he and the wife needed one more dose of each other before they call it quits (if they do quit). I was thinking that maybe one day he'd come back clean and free. I'm still living as if he's not coming back, I am dating others it's just that the others I've met so far are making me miss him more. ...and the wife wanted(and got) this man back, huh? Sounds like a winning couple. Good for you for dodging a bullet!
pureinheart Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I'm just curious..has anyone ever fought the wife (spouse) of the person they are dating and won? If you did, how did things turn out. I've actually known 2 women that were having affairs and they did break up a marriage and then married the guy they had the affair with. Both women ended up with incredible loss. One woman had been a homeowner w stable credit and the husband she stole ended up causing her to lose this. The other woman ended up being cheated on by the guy she had cheated with. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around so thats why when my separated bf said that his wife wanted him back, I let him go with very little fight. I don't have the energy to fight a wife. I'm just curious to see if anyone has fought the wife and what was the outcome? Hi SS, Personally, I won't fight for a man, I don't have to, nor feel the need. Either he wants me or doesn't and vise versa. I'm glad you didn't try to keep the R going because it just seems futile for many reasons. I seriously doubt these ladies broke up the M, it was broken to begin with IMO. The men did what they wanted to do, most likely with little coaxing.
Summer Breeze Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Agreed! And it is unfair. And my heart broke for her as she now had my fWS crying at her kitchen table about how much he missed me. And at that point, instead of her continued kindness towards him, she should of picked up the proverbial skillet and hit him upside his head, IMHO. I am amazed at what is NOT discussed, what is NOT revealed in many an affair because everyone is trying waaaay tooo hard to be perfect in the eyes of the AP. How long would all that posturing for perfection have lasted before the warts and wrinkles and true natures of the participants are revealed? Not too long I would think. And I think it is why people feel soooo deceived by their AP when the affair ends badly after DDAY. A question for you that is normally sent to OW. How do you know what was said between them and did she (2 and a half years later) confirm he sat at her kitchen table and going on about how much he missed you or was it him telling you that? It appears you don't know her personally so how do you know she isn't someone who is kind and subservient in nature? Maybe she didn't want to fight for him. If memory serves he lived with her for a few weeks. Maybe she sent him back to you. I would imagine you'll counter with why did she seek him out 2 and a half years later and to that I'd say because I think it's relatively common for people to think of what might have been. Sometimes we act on the thoughts and sometimes we don't. I totally agree you were spot on confronting her. Not a doubt at all but as OW are consistently told on here no one knows what goes on between H and W and what they do know they're fed. Same could be said for a WS who is with the AP. I don't want you to take this personally. It's something I've wanted to bring up for a while but not seen a post to respond properly to. As far as this thread in general I've been both the BS and the OW and I never felt any need to fight anyone. The only combatant the OW or the BS face is the WS as far as I can tell.
OWoman Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Personally, I won't fight for a man, I don't have to, nor feel the need. Either he wants me or doesn't and vise versa. I agree with this. I will fight for my freedom, and that of my compatriots. I will fight for my principles, and for my rights. I will fight against injustice and oppression. Fight for a man? Why?
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