devilmaycare Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 This is an extremely difficult subject...I would say the underlying issue here is a type of PTSD and dealing with the trauma of Velvet's experience. Until THAT is resolved, her interactions with anyone will not be solid: H, OM, or children. I am going through a grieving process myself and have been experiencing many emotions that I cannot explain or address at this point. I am seeking counseling, I hope Velvet will do the same (and hopefully with H), before she chooses to leave him. That being said, Velvet, from the heart, please take care of yourself first before returning to the old flame. Tell H you need some TLC (from yourself and him). Tell OM he will just have to wait until you sort out the hurt from this experience and H's perceived ambivalence. If H truly loves you, he will help you, and if OM truly loves you, he will give you the space to care for yourself and your family first.
Jonah Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Yep, your husband messed up, that gives you a free ticket for some exciting sex! I think there is a thread on here somewhere that cross references numbers for excuses... For my ex it was "love is not enough" that is excuse #9. Yours is more common "husband could not read my mind" which is excuse #3. So please next time you post, just reference excuse #3 and we will then understand your need to go out and play! Your fun has only just begun... you are in for one heck of a roller coaster ride my dear. One that will likely last for the rest of your life. Hang on!
jnj express Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Velvet hasn't come back---I guess she doesn't really wanna hear the truth---but if you do come back Its time you left disneyland in particular fantasyland---you have NEVER AT ANY TIME DONE ANYTHING REAL WITH YOUR SCUMBAG LOVER He is nothing but a homewrecker---as you are about to be---Putting what you are gonna do to your H aside---DO YOU NOT CARE ONE BIT FOR YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD KIDS----but you don't give a crap right---they are just pieces of meat to be passed back and forth---so you and your scumbag can whisper sweet nothings to each other as you spread your legs for scumbag Wake up----you have never had to deal with ONE PROBLEM with this guy---oh wait I am wrong you may have had problems planning your lying deceitful sexcapades---but I guess not really cuz your innocent H., is out trying to earn a living for his loving wife---(that's a joke) You are pathetic
kuma Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Staying in a marriage when you love someone else is not beneficial for any of the parties. I agree but do you think their love is real? IMO she's so wrapped up in her affair she can't seem to think straight. Maybe she's just addicted to her MM?
Stateandbroadway Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Did you ever seek counselling for what you went through? How awful and tramatic! This MM has you pegged and swooped in as you were at a vunerable place in your life. Those feelings he awoke in you, what are they based on? Please think about it..... So, you're basically ending your marriage, breaking up your family unit, to start a new life with someone else. What if your MM changes his mind? Let's say you leave your husband and divorce, and MM can't leave his wife? Are you okay with being alone? Losing all that you have in your life now? If yes, then proceed on the divorce. Set your H free so he can move on and find a woman who will love only him. If no, and you plan on wanting your H back if MM doesn't leave his wife, then you need to counselling NOW to figure things out. Sorry, but I think you're in a total fog and aren't thinking clearly. You are going to turn your kids lives upside down for someone you've had an affair with, based on feelings hidden and in an affair setting. Be prepared to lose your kids in this process as there's no way your H will allow you to move your kids in with the MM. Please, go to counselling. Making this decision without thinking things through is going to mess up so many lives. -------------------------------------------- I dont think having an affair is legal grounds to lose your children? Is it? At least i dont think it's that black and white? More goes into parenting than whether you had an affair or not. My father had an affair...maybe more than one. My mother was strong enough to not use her hurt and bitterness to sway my feeling for him (REAL LOVE). I only found out about it when he was dead. In fact even after him and my mom got divorced his AP became the girlfriend. Long term girlfriend. I didnt even know my father had a girlfriend growing up This woman was like a family friend. I called her "Aunty" In my culture it's customary to call adults who you are not related to but close with "Aunty." She was just one of the people in my dads friendship circle. When i found out as an adult i thought it was crazy. My dad didnt even seem like a sexual being who could possibly have a girlfriend (GROSS). I couldnt even imagine my dad kissing someone (GROSS). He didnt bring it into my life. This woman never even spent one night at my house. And that's over 15 years. My dad was a good parent...he has his other issues (bizarely strict etc). My mom who i loved was emotionally ill. Although she loved me alot I'm not so sure she would have been the most stable parent. Whether or not you had an affair is not the only judgement in being a good parent. At least that was my experience.
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