jean-luc sisko Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 There is a senior manager at work who would say hello when she sees me, and stop make small talk. this seems innocent in itself, but she does this often and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Is she just being friendly? The thing is, I think she is quite pretty and this also makes me feel uncomfortable around her. not because I feel unconfident, but because pretty women give me a glow inside. I can't be too chummy and down with her, since she is senior to me.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Why not just conclude that she's just being friendly and carry on as such. If you're sure you don't want any kind of advances from her it shouldn't be too hard to let her know and not be confrontational about it. Just simply don't act interested if she tries to move the ball along any more. It's impossible to say from here what's in her head. Maybe she likes you, maybe she's running a power game on you to inflate her own ego--I surely can't tell. But if she seem sincerely friendly and is not trying to really move on you that I would just be friendly back and try to keep it that way. What you don't want to do is get on her bad side over something you've perceived that she was innocent in. So, accept that she does have power and may abuse it and if you don't want her in any way other than just being neighborly consider this a test of your social charms.
NoMagicBullet Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Are you the only one she stops to chat with? I'd say it's just her management style. I've noticed that some female supervisors and managers tend to make small talk with the employees more often than male sups/mgrs do. Some will even discuss more personal things like family life, etc, with employees, but it doesn't mean there's anything romantic.
Author jean-luc sisko Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 It is true that she may just be being friendly, however it just feels weird. She is the manager of a department, and I'm a junior employee so I feel out of place being chatty with her. I guess I've always thought one should show some deference to people higher in organisations.
NoMagicBullet Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Last place I worked, my boss's boss and her boss (boss's boss's boss, whatever -- 3 levels up) would occassionally come by and talk to the line level (lower or junior level) employees, usually just briefly and not about anything important. It was a smaller organization with more of a family atmosphere to it. Other places I worked at weren't like that at all -- they were all about heirarchy. I can't really be sure about your situation, but because it does make you feel weird, I'd suggest: -- you can be friendly and respectful at the same time -- there's no need for you to share personal information you don't want to share, and as a manager, she shouldn't be sharing too much that's personal anyway; best to keep personal matters out of it -- keep the conversation professional and about work topics as much as possible -- keep it brief; if you have work to do, politely explain that you need to get back to work as a way of excusing yourself from the conversation; being thought of as a workaholic can be a good thing Since she is a department manager, you do want to be polite and at least a little friendly, but always keep it professional.
spiderowl Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 If it makes you feel weird then it could be because you are attracted to her, she is attracted to you, or because there is some odd power game going on here. If in doubt about her motives, just keep a respectful business-like relationship with her. Chat briefly about superficial things and avoid getting too personal in the chats. Hopefully, she will pick up on your lead and keep things on a business-like level too. If she doesn't and seems persistent in trying to pry personal things out of you, then that is a different situation and maybe it would be worth coming back to the forums with your story to seek perspectives. I think, at the very least, it's a sign that she's noticed you. Maybe because she's attracted, who knows? It's amazing how we notice some people and not others. It could be a good thing for you, not to be one of the more anonymous members of staff, but I think what you are feeling is a sense that you are under scrutiny in some way. I think one is always conscious of that, whatever the motivation. Tread carefully.
Author jean-luc sisko Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 in truth, the major issue to me here is her motives. If only it were possible to read minds lol.
nicedream Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 i would say that her motives are probably... 1) to create a positive workplace where people feel happy. she probably doesn't realize that her style is making you feel uncomfortable. if she did, she would probably be shocked, since she is probably trying to make you and other people feel *more* comfortable at work. 2) she is probably trying to get to know you, to assess your work performance. that is what managers usually do. don't let it worry you too much. 3) the complicated work we do in today's society hinges on smooth communication. by chatting with you and with people, she is trying to open up communication. she is "breaking the ice." breaking the ice allows communication to flow more smoothly...this allows for better business performance overall. 4) maybe she wants to jump your bones. however, that is probably not her primary motive.
Author jean-luc sisko Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 If it makes you feel weird then it could be because you are attracted to her, she is attracted to you, or because there is some odd power game going on here. If in doubt about her motives, just keep a respectful business-like relationship with her. Chat briefly about superficial things and avoid getting too personal in the chats. Hopefully, she will pick up on your lead and keep things on a business-like level too. If she doesn't and seems persistent in trying to pry personal things out of you, then that is a different situation and maybe it would be worth coming back to the forums with your story to seek perspectives. I think, at the very least, it's a sign that she's noticed you. Maybe because she's attracted, who knows? It's amazing how we notice some people and not others. It could be a good thing for you, not to be one of the more anonymous members of staff, but I think what you are feeling is a sense that you are under scrutiny in some way. I think one is always conscious of that, whatever the motivation. Tread carefully. Noticed me? How and why?
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