OliveOyl Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Concert tickets usually run for 90-120 dollars person and unless you perchased front row tickets, that kind of amount is insignficant. Especially in 20 years time when the dollar depreciates I doubt you would even remember the name of the band you went to see. Sex, on the other hand, can and will leave a person traumatized. If you want to make things equal, then you will have to equate one night of a concert with one night of sex. How could that be traumatizing? (speaking of consensual, protected sex here). Don't compare one date with the effect of several weeks or months of being used for sex. Personally... I think they are about equal as far as which is "worse" for being used. Even though I'm a woman, I've never quite understood the "my body is sacred and I'm losing something when I give it up" mentality... You get used for sex, you lose the dream of having a more significant relationship with the person who used you. Yes it can hurt like hell, but nothing is really "lost" except one's time and one's pride (and maybe some K-Y jelly). You get used for money... not only do you lose the dream of the relationship... you lost that money too! (Which could have been used as a salve for the emotional wounds on getting over the bad relationship...)
fishtaco Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 If you want to make things equal, then you will have to equate one night of a concert with one night of sex. How could that be traumatizing? (speaking of consensual, protected sex here). Don't compare one date with the effect of several weeks or months of being used for sex. Personally... I think they are about equal as far as which is "worse" for being used. Even though I'm a woman, I've never quite understood the "my body is sacred and I'm losing something when I give it up" mentality... You get used for sex, you lose the dream of having a more significant relationship with the person who used you. Yes it can hurt like hell, but nothing is really "lost" except one's time and one's pride (and maybe some K-Y jelly). You get used for money... not only do you lose the dream of the relationship... you lost that money too! (Which could have been used as a salve for the emotional wounds on getting over the bad relationship...) I have to agree with this. Usually when sex happens under normal dating conditions, it's consensual. I don't see how consensual sex could be traumatizing. I believe people give too much power to sex. What stings is the disappointment. The damage to the ego. The breaking of the (fake) emotional attachment that was created. But these things can happen even without sex. If a woman tells me the only way she could achieve emotional bonding with a man is through sex, I'd advice her to seek professional help. What hurts is being "used". Doesn't matter if sex or money was involved or not. I remember my sister had a friend that's a user. This guy was completely infatuated with her. Drives her around, buys her gifts, she says jump, he says how high. He even gave her a necklace that was passed down from his grandma. But she was just using him. Try to convince him it wasn't that bad because he didn't get used for sex.
Jynxx Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 The things you have, money, the things your money bought, none of it is yours really. All you have is your mind and body. Someone employing deceit to use those is well more hurtful because your mind and body is the only thing you really have. You take your first breath with just those two things and you take both with you when you go. No, you don't take your body with you when you go. It's left behind, put in the ground or put on fire or whatever. Thus it's not more yours than your money is. You could argue money equals time plus effort, and time is a limiting factor. If someone would actually steal your networth that took you years of working day and night, that person is actually stealing a part of your time on earth. So if someone is hustling you for a significant part of your networth, that person is hustling you out of a part of your time on earth.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 If you want to make things equal, then you will have to equate one night of a concert with one night of sex. How could that be traumatizing? (speaking of consensual, protected sex here). Don't compare one date with the effect of several weeks or months of being used for sex. Personally... I think they are about equal as far as which is "worse" for being used. Even though I'm a woman, I've never quite understood the "my body is sacred and I'm losing something when I give it up" mentality... You get used for sex, you lose the dream of having a more significant relationship with the person who used you. Yes it can hurt like hell, but nothing is really "lost" except one's time and one's pride (and maybe some K-Y jelly). You get used for money... not only do you lose the dream of the relationship... you lost that money too! (Which could have been used as a salve for the emotional wounds on getting over the bad relationship...) When I wrote my response, I was referencing sex in general; I wasn't particularly writing from a consensual point of view.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Agreed. As for the last part though: in a situation like that how can we be certain that someone was used for money? Perhaps she really wanted to date him because she was attracted to him but didn't feel the chemistry from the first date. If anyone doesn't feel the chemistry after the first date, isn't it usually over between the two? I really don't think it matters what her intent is. She made OP feel used... and acted in the manner of a user. Similar to a dine and dash. It feels like she got what she wanted and bounced. If she wasn't feeling a connection on the date... should she not have paid her half, or at least told him? From her standpoint she just wasn't feeling it, but by failing to communicate properly made OP feel used. Exactly! Having a potential date not work out is not the same as someone not breaking off a relationship before attending a concert. A dinner date more or less equals a one night stand. I have no problem with musemaj11 being hurt by a woman using him for his money, but I do have a problem with his writing off of any woman (or man) who felt hurt by being used for sex. All that I can explicate from his argument is that he puts much more value on money than he does on sex or emotions. If a woman used him for sex, he would probably be high fiving his friends the next day. The experience simply isn't the same for both genders on this topic.
fishtaco Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 When I wrote my response, I was referencing sex in general; I wasn't particularly writing from a consensual point of view. I have a feeling many women would respond strongly to the phrase "used for sex" for this exactly this. "Used for sex" sounds really dirty, maybe even non consensual. I see where you're coming from papercut, but maybe this topic should be framed better. Back to the topic, the way I see it, this topic is in the frame work of two people going on dates, they did whatever (money spent/sex/quality time/anything date stuff), one side thought there was a strong connection, the other side said, nope, thanks but no thanks, see ya, I'm out. Because if you talk about non-consensual, non-violent rape (like a date rape) is worse than non-violent robbery (where no one got hurt), I don't think there's much argument against that. Like my example of my friend in the recent FWB thread. Got into a relationship for several months. It consisted of lots of sex, but nothing else. No meeting of the friends, nothing. So while he was nice, and the sex was great, he didn't "expand and grow" the relationship like how a normal one would. When I told her to take the initiative to expanded to outside of just sex. He said sorry, this is not working out, and bailed. So she was used for sex. It's not nice, but this thread is about actions that are not nice. She was disappointed. She was angry. She was sad. She lost respect for him. But I don't think she was traumatized. I don't think she regrets the sex, it was great and it ended her long dry spell. But she would have preferred if he was more relationship minded. So in that sense, is it any worse than a guy that keeps taking a girl out and spend money on her for several months, then when he tries to get her to commit, she bails out? Anyway, that how I interpreted this topic.
elaina Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) Both being used for money and being used for sex are not cool. It happens all the time though. About which is worse, it really depends. There are many girls and some boys all around the world who are trafficked, used for sex. They are bought and sold like merchandise. Many do not control the money they "earn." Many are slaves to lazy pimps who use other people to get rich. So, in this case, I consider being used for sex is worse than being used for money. Sad to say, this horrible sex slave market is a reality that many girls/boys face, and it's because of many stupid, evil, selfish, idiotic, depraved, perverted men (and some women) who for some strange reason think it's ok to buy sex and use females' (or males') bodies without caring a tad about the souls attached to those bodies. It's one of the most sad and most horrible things in the world after sexual abuse/rape (and in many cases, being used for sex and sexual abuse/rape are most definitely combined.) So, I would have to say that being used for sex is worse than being used for money, especially in the cases where girls and boys are sold and their bodies are the products that make other people rich. About being used for money, yeah that's sad too, but I don't think it does as much emotional and psychological damage (though it does do damage in those areas too) as being used for sex. About physical damage, I don't really know what physical damage being used for money can do, but I have seen physical damage that has taken place when a person has been used for sex. Edited March 8, 2011 by elaina
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