xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Personally, and this is just from my own personal experience, I think getting used for money is worse then sex. Reason I say that is because of what happened to me this past summer. I fell in love with this girl and she reciprocated, or at least she claimed. I had no income this summer because of my internship where I was not payed, I was essentially slave labor. I spent a small fortune trying to treat her right and make her happy, she dumped me the day after I took her to a concert to see one of her favorite bands The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies. I felt like she used me and purposely waited to dump me after the concert, she denies this, but everyone I talked to, including her own mother, agrees with me. It certainly looks like she used me for the concert when she already knew that she was no longer in love with me. That is why I feel being used for money is worse then being used for sex. Concert tickets usually run for 90-120 dollars person and unless you perchased front row tickets, that kind of amount is insignficant. Especially in 20 years time when the dollar depreciates I doubt you would even remember the name of the band you went to see. Sex, on the other hand, can and will leave a person traumatized.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I do not think she did all of that to use you. Maybe she did stay longer in the RS so she could get to see that concert and that was definately wrong, but I would not say the whole RS was just you being used because of one incident. I know that most of our relationship wasn't me being used. On the contrary it was the best time of my life because so many things were happening at once, and they were good. It was just the last several weeks that I felt used.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Concert tickets usually run for 90-120 dollars person and unless you perchased front row tickets, that kind of amount is insignficant. Especially in 20 years time when the dollar depreciates I doubt you would even remember the name of the band you went to see. Sex, on the other hand, can and will leave a person traumatized. I also said its just from my personal experience. I am not arguing which is more traumatizing.
daphne Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 We should never paint an entire gender with one brush but cases like UF described where a man gets cheated on and still has to pay through the nose happens primarily to men. To be cheated on, find out your kid is not yours and still have to pay her has to be horrible. I guess I was understanding this thread as being more related to women using men for dinners. When you talk about divorce, I can understand how tough a pill that would be to swallow. Plus, that's a lot more money than dinner. I've met a few guys online that talk about being taken to the cleaners from their divorce and it shocks me that women who make very good money could be so nasty, and that the courts would let them (2 of the women made 6 figures.) Crap, if it doesn't work out you don't have to ruin someone just because you can. And there weren't even kids involved. I'm a firm believer in prenups. And a woman who doesn't understand, has her head in the clouds or is selfish. Personally, and this is just from my own personal experience, I think getting used for money is worse then sex. I'm sorry you got dumped after working hard to make her happy. It kinda does sound like she waited to tell you. I'm guessing she's young and didn't have the experience to realize how it might affect you. But then again, have you ever been used for sex?
somedude81 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Concert tickets usually run for 90-120 dollars person and unless you perchased front row tickets, that kind of amount is insignficant. Especially in 20 years time when the dollar depreciates I doubt you would even remember the name of the band you went to see. Sex, on the other hand, can and will leave a person traumatized. Who are you to judge what is significant or insignificant to somebody? The level of bias you have presented in this thread is appalling.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Don't you see? I spend nearly 1/3 of my life earning money. By taking someone's money... you are taking a part of their life that is not replaceable. Yeah... moping around helps nobody... but stealing their life and vitality is simply terrible! I understand that it hurts a lot to be used for sex. I get that... but Musemaj11 has a very good point about the general feminine perspective here. There just doesn't seem to be a connection between my money and the time and energy I put into earning it. Just no respect. Titania22 is strong proof that it isn't just men that lose out in this... more and more women suffer it. I've been hurt in a ton of different ways before... but being used for money has been one of the most painful... and the trust gap it creates with other people is really bad. I agree with this. With more and more women earning their own money I really don't understand why they are not more understanding of this. I work for what I have and I don't feel like being swindled out of it.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Concert tickets usually run for 90-120 dollars person and unless you perchased front row tickets, that kind of amount is insignficant. Especially in 20 years time when the dollar depreciates I doubt you would even remember the name of the band you went to see. Sex, on the other hand, can and will leave a person traumatized. 120 dollars is insignificant to you? That could buy a week's groceries. Unless sex is forced on a woman which is very much a horrific experience it is something she chooses to do. In this day and age of women having sex like men which they freely brag about this idea that women have more emotion invested in sex just does not sit with me.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'm sorry you got dumped after working hard to make her happy. It kinda does sound like she waited to tell you. I'm guessing she's young and didn't have the experience to realize how it might affect you. But then again, have you ever been used for sex? Actually, I have been. My first ex was cheating on me with a woman, but she revealed to me that the only reason she was dated me was because of all the people she was interested in, I was the only one nearby, with a penis, and willing to have sex at anytime.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 120 dollars is insignificant to you? That could buy a week's groceries. Unless sex is forced on a woman which is very much a horrific experience it is something she chooses to do. In this day and age of women having sex like men which they freely brag about this idea that women have more emotion invested in sex just does not sit with me. Woggle this is not a gender thing, you know, we know it so stop bragging about it. The insignificance of 120 dollars is that even if I get swindled or I just accidentally lost it, it can be easily replaced once I get my next paycheck. And are you questioning the validity of womens' emotions? Are you going to start contradicting every poster that come on here and say their tears is of no consequence because they got used for sex? I happen to be one those posters who unfortunately met someone who dumped me after sleeping with them. Yeah, I will owe up to my responsibility sleeping with them but I sure as hell am not going to let you shame me for being emotional about liking someone after sex.
sally4sara Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 120 dollars is insignificant to you? That could buy a week's groceries. Unless sex is forced on a woman which is very much a horrific experience it is something she chooses to do. In this day and age of women having sex like men which they freely brag about this idea that women have more emotion invested in sex just does not sit with me. Well we're also not talking about men getting mugged here. The examples being offered are about men choosing to come out of their wallet rather than women forcing them to do it. The same can be applied. Oh boo hoo, its not like you were mugged, you chose to spend that money. Is that a better way of looking at it?
lululucy Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I still think that any woman getting used for sex is most likely stupid. I mean if your hopping into bed with the guy you met at the bar 4 hours ago who claims to be a Pediatric Neurosurgeon.... what can you really expect? I know there are some cases where a predatory guy is super patient and puts up a great front... but I believe that to be somewhat rare. Marrying a guy/girl for money on the other hand... a bit more common. How are you comparing someone having a one night stand with a guy (her own stupidity of course) to someone's marriage being destroyed? Those are two totally different things. A one night stand is more comparable to a dinner date simply because it is relatively the same amount invested. I spent seven months sleeping with a guy two or three times a week, fell in love with him and the whole thing destroyed me emotionally because he just wasn't looking for anything at all besides a booty-call. Not being told that until we got into something doesn't make me stupid -- I was naive, yes, but I just wanted him to love me back. Being used for sex is much more common than marrying for money, at least where I'm from. Have you ever been used for your money by a man whom you thought was attracted to you or loved you? If lending your boyfriend significant amounts of money (being a student and part time waitress, I consider $500 significant), taking him skiing for his Christmas present and maxing out my credit card in England when he didn't bring enough money with him is being used for money, then yes. It still hurts less to me than having sex with someone who I think is very interested and it turns out they disappear the next day. And for the record, he has paid back zero and we are now broken up, so I'm pretty sure I am never seeing it again. I was still more hurt by the last time we had sex and he was dismissive of me afterwards.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Woggle this is not a gender thing, you know, we know it so stop bragging about it. The insignificance of 120 dollars is that even if I get swindled or I just accidentally lost it, it can be easily replaced once I get my next paycheck. Not everyone can make that money up as fast as you can, I certainly can't especially since at the time I was unemployed, and even now for the job I have, its the slow season so i get way less.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Who are you to judge what is significant or insignificant to somebody? The level of bias you have presented in this thread is appalling. Well, as I was the one who wrote it, I would say it's insignificant to me. Did I stutter? It wasn't an attack on the poster and I was responding from an objective point hence my reasoning for it. Not just that, but if you had someone actually used you for $20 would that amount of money influenced you into growing ambiguity towards a certain type of people? I suggest you look at things a bit more objectively before you throw the word bias around.
somedude81 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Well we're also not talking about men getting mugged here. The examples being offered are about men choosing to come out of their wallet rather than women forcing them to do it. The same can be applied. Oh boo hoo, its not like you were mugged, you chose to spend that money. Is that a better way of looking at it? That's as good/bad as saying, "Oh boo hoo, it's not like you were raped, you chose to have sex... This thread has gone on long enough, it's due for a locking.
sally4sara Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 That's as good/bad as saying, "Oh boo hoo, it's not like you were raped, you chose to have sex... This thread has gone on long enough, it's due for a locking. Yeah, that's what woggle was saying or didn't you read? So I offered the same attitude about men with money. No one is forcing you to come out of pocket for someone you're dating either. Its a choice too.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Woggle this is not a gender thing, you know, we know it so stop bragging about it. The insignificance of 120 dollars is that even if I get swindled or I just accidentally lost it, it can be easily replaced once I get my next paycheck. And are you questioning the validity of womens' emotions? Are you going to start contradicting every poster that come on here and say their tears is of no consequence because they got used for sex? I happen to be one those posters who unfortunately met someone who dumped me after sleeping with them. Yeah, I will owe up to my responsibility sleeping with them but I sure as hell am not going to let you shame me for being emotional about liking someone after sex. I never shamed you for it but is that many women these days like to brag about how they can separate emotion and sex and then in another sentence claim that men use them for sex. Is this does not apply to you then I am sorry if that is how I came across. A man going on one date and wasting his money is no big deal but it points to future behavior that will really be a big deal. Spending on one date is no big deal but having your cheating wife take your house and get tons of alimony will make a man's life miserable which is why it is a good idea for a man to weed out gold diggers from early on. The same concept can apply to a player that just uses women for sex. If he uses them that way early on he will most likely be a cheater later on down the road. Small actions can be a good predictor of the future.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 There is a huge difference between rape and consensual sex. Is anybody denying that?
ShatteredReality Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Using a person is using a person. We all have different level of emotional involvement in the things that are taken from us. Whether used for sex or for money the bottom line is someone allowed you to give freely something you valued and they did not reciprocate the same level of emotional commitment you demonstrated. It's not any more ok to use someone for money than it is for sex. I have been used for both. It sucks. I must say, though, that I have long since earned back the money I lost, while I cannot take that extra "knotch" off my belt, nor was it an easy thing to get over the self esteem issues that followed. But that's me. Maybe for someone else money is more important and they are crushed for having lost it and will never forget the experience...it's not for me to judge or anybody else. However, a generalization that all women are golddiggers is a bit harsh. That would be akin to me generalizing and saying all men only use women for sex. It's simply not true. Instead, use caution. Learn from your mistakes and try to stop making them. If she NEVER offers to pay then you might want to see that as a red flag. Or perhaps be a man, be honest, tell her you're broke and can you both go dutch?
sally4sara Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 There is a huge difference between rape and consensual sex. Is anybody denying that? Yes just as there is a huge difference between getting mugged and choosing to spend money on someone.
lenny Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I am female and in all honesty, put little value in both although I do have a bit of a hang-up over money so could never use someone for cash but I've allowed many to use me and really could care less (and I don't have a lot of it so struggle as a consequence). There are many layers to the sex thing though. I have participated in the full spectrum of sex - from meaningless one night stands to emotional soul binding intimacy. Throughout the whole spectrum I'd have to say I get something out if it so at worst maybe I'd say there was some mutual using. When I see one of my friends being used for money however, I am quite upset with the offender. So for me I guess it would be the coin.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'd love to be used for sex, if and only if it's a hot girl. Damn, tie me up and give me a good spanking! :laugh:
TaurusTerp Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Concert tickets usually run for 90-120 dollars person and unless you perchased front row tickets, that kind of amount is insignficant. Especially in 20 years time when the dollar depreciates I doubt you would even remember the name of the band you went to see. Sex, on the other hand, can and will leave a person traumatized. Wow. I haven't heard such absurd reasoning in a long time. I'm glad none of the women I know think like this.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Using a person is using a person. We all have different level of emotional involvement in the things that are taken from us. Whether used for sex or for money the bottom line is someone allowed you to give freely something you valued and they did not reciprocate the same level of emotional commitment you demonstrated. It's not any more ok to use someone for money than it is for sex. I have been used for both. It sucks. I must say, though, that I have long since earned back the money I lost, while I cannot take that extra "knotch" off my belt, nor was it an easy thing to get over the self esteem issues that followed. But that's me. Maybe for someone else money is more important and they are crushed for having lost it and will never forget the experience...it's not for me to judge or anybody else. After some reflection... I agree wholeheartedly with this. I can't say one is better or worse, because it depends on the value system of the one who is being betrayed. Maybe money is meaningless to him/her... or sex. It just reminds me how much of life is relative and all about perspective. With that said... I think we have all agreed that taking advantage of someone for sex is a terrible thing. Should we also not be able to agree that the same is true then of money? Is Musemaj11 wrong to feel just as used when a woman immediately flakes or ignores him after a date he paid for?
Pyro Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 After some reflection... I agree wholeheartedly with this. I can't say one is better or worse, because it depends on the value system of the one who is being betrayed. Maybe money is meaningless to him/her... or sex. It just reminds me how much of life is relative and all about perspective. With that said... I think we have all agreed that taking advantage of someone for sex is a terrible thing. Should we also not be able to agree that the same is true then of money? Is Musemaj11 wrong to feel just as used when a woman immediately flakes or ignores him after a date he paid for? Agreed. As for the last part though: in a situation like that how can we be certain that someone was used for money? Perhaps she really wanted to date him because she was attracted to him but didn't feel the chemistry from the first date. If anyone doesn't feel the chemistry after the first date, isn't it usually over between the two?
lululucy Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Agreed. As for the last part though: in a situation like that how can we be certain that someone was used for money? Perhaps she really wanted to date him because she was attracted to him but didn't feel the chemistry from the first date. If anyone doesn't feel the chemistry after the first date, isn't it usually over between the two? Exactly! Having a potential date not work out is not the same as someone not breaking off a relationship before attending a concert. A dinner date more or less equals a one night stand. I have no problem with musemaj11 being hurt by a woman using him for his money, but I do have a problem with his writing off of any woman (or man) who felt hurt by being used for sex. All that I can explicate from his argument is that he puts much more value on money than he does on sex or emotions.
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