sally4sara Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Probably no one will get it but The things you have, money, the things your money bought, none of it is yours really. All you have is your mind and body. Someone employing deceit to use those is well more hurtful because your mind and body is the only thing you really have. You take your first breath with just those two things and you take both with you when you go.
daphne Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Women use men for sex as well. We live in an age where many women prefer hookups and FWB relationships. I don't know about many. I think girls lie to themselves and realize they can't handle nsa sex. We love the idea, but in reality it just doesn't pan out without getting messy.
Woggle Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I don't know about many. I think girls lie to themselves and realize they can't handle nsa sex. We love the idea, but in reality it just doesn't pan out without getting messy. I don't know how trues this is but I had a FWB between marriages who was 100% upfront with and she still got attached. I felt bad but I had to cut her off because she too much into drama.
johan Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Just like I don't have sex unless I fully consent to it.... How many drinks does that typically require? I'm just wondering how much I should be prepared to spend.
Author musemaj11 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) I've been used for my money. It was better than being used for sex. I am not money; I am a person and my body is something very personal to me. If someone uses me for sex, they are also using my time and energy as well being invited into my life. To have someone use that way as tho it was nothing much hurts worse than just being after money. I'm use to people wanting money from me and anyone else they can get it from whether they have services or goods to render in exchange or not. Have you ever been used for your money by a man whom you thought was attracted to you or loved you? Im not talking about friends or family. My own sister is a slob who cant support herself. I give her money at times but I dont put emotional investment in it. I know she is a leech who happens to be my sister and I dont expect anything in return for because I know she is just using me. On the other hand, when it comes to love interest, its different. We attach our emotional investment in what we 'offer' to that person. Its not the money itself we want returned, but the emotional appreciation. Why is it so hard to understand? Anyway, I wonder if this is a gender thing. Women say, "Its only money." Men say, "Its only sex." It's a shame that people are like this, truly it is. If you think about it, most crimes are committed based on sex or money. The motivation in both cases is greed. It's a shame that people are so greedy, and it's a shame that people don't value enough out of others or themselves to not use people for their own means. Which is worse: being used or being used? Exactly, it upsets me when people play down the detriment of the other side. Edited March 3, 2011 by musemaj11
Author musemaj11 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) Ok, lets be very honest about this topic. Women want you to pay for dates because of how it makes them feel. Like a small emotional high. Most of the other reasons given for it are secondary. Women like to feel special... so do we guys, nothing inherently wrong with that. With that in mind, it's not that most women don't appreciate you spending your hard earned cash on them. They are not typically looking for a free meal, they are most commonly looking to feel special. The only rub is that they care more about how they feel than how I feel when it comes to paying. Exactly, I understand as well that women want to feel special. I mean who doesnt? But what angers me is the same thing that you said. In order to satisfy their own romantic fantasy, women are willing to overlook the other person's feelings. Its akin to men who use women for sex and care less what the women feel about it as long as they get to satisfy their sexual needs. Women: "I dont care if the man has to pay money. I dont care if the man feels used. I dont care if the man feels the appreciation is one-sided. All I care about is that I get to feel taken care and cherished." Men: "I dont care if the woman feels used for sex. I dont care if the woman feels lied to. All I care about is that I get sex." The same thing to me. Edited March 3, 2011 by musemaj11
dreamingoftigers Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 At first I thought money was worse believe it or not because I have been burned in the past in this way, I thought getting used for sex might nit be do horrible because at least that way someone wanted at least have sex with you, but really finding out you are the only one intimately connected to the other is bitterly worse.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 At first I thought money was worse believe it or not because I have been burned in the past in this way, I thought getting used for sex might nit be do horrible because at least that way someone wanted at least have sex with you, but really finding out you are the only one intimately connected to the other is bitterly worse. My friend Paul is currently separated from his wife. He found out about a year ago that his 3 year old son isn't actually his, and that his wife had been carrying on an affair with another guy for the entire 5 years of their marriage. Fact is that she never loved him, she just needed someone to provide her a great lifestyle. He pays $44,000 a year in spousal support... and she still lives with him in the house. It's a very messed up situation. Fact is that being used for money is very, very bad... and very common too. It really hurts worse than you can imagine... because you get the same feeling of being used and rejected at the same time... PLUS... you lose a chunk of your lifes work... and it limits your future options. I still think that any woman getting used for sex is most likely stupid. I mean if your hopping into bed with the guy you met at the bar 4 hours ago who claims to be a Pediatric Neurosurgeon.... what can you really expect? I know there are some cases where a predatory guy is super patient and puts up a great front... but I believe that to be somewhat rare. Marrying a guy/girl for money on the other hand... a bit more common.
threebyfate Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Not too many people like feeling used...period. Have most of us been used at one time or more in our lives? Absolutely. So for those of you who have been used, did you obsess about it for all eternity or did you learn something from it and move on? The former only hurts you and everyone around you and the latter helps you. It's your choice if you want to remain steeped in stupid or enjoy your life.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Not too many people like feeling used...period. Have most of us been used at one time or more in our lives? Absolutely. So for those of you who have been used, did you obsess about it for all eternity or did you learn something from it and move on? The former only hurts you and everyone around you and the latter helps you. It's your choice if you want to remain steeped in stupid or enjoy your life. It's easy advice to give, and much harder advice to take. I actually wound up not being able to help my parents in a financial crisis because of it. Carhill has to work an extra 10 YEARS so that he can retire! Because the effects are so lasting... it's hard to just think lesson learned and blithely move forward with your life.
threebyfate Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 It's easy advice to give, and much harder advice to take. I actually wound up not being able to help my parents in a financial crisis because of it. Carhill has to work an extra 10 YEARS so that he can retire! Because the effects are so lasting... it's hard to just think lesson learned and blithely move forward with your life.As someone who's moved on from being cheated on within her marriage and then divorced him, forgive me if money doesn't register as anything significant when it comes to emotional pain. Money is easily replaced. Move on, don't give or lend non-marital partners money and get a prenup if you're going to marry. H. and I have a post-nup due to the speed we got married. No biggie but if he hadn't been willing to sign a pre or post-nup, pregnant or not, I wouldn't have married him.
Titania22 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Money is easily replaced. Money is not easily replaceable for everyone. And if it isn't money you had, but rather debt incurring interest, it's even harder.
threebyfate Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Money is not easily replaceable for everyone. And if it isn't money you had, but rather debt incurring interest, it's even harder.Were you married or what happened?
sally4sara Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Have you ever been used for your money by a man whom you thought was attracted to you or loved you? The person who used me for money was also the person who used me for sex and an incubator. The last two was was worse, more personal. It would have been our money if he did anything ANYTHING AT ALL to help out. Instead he was dead weight all around. I get tired of how this becomes just another installment on the gender war. People are users. It tells a lot about your character when you look to one gender as the victim and the other gender as the victimizer. If someone of your opposite gender harms you in this way and you're quick to get out the large brush to paint all the same - you had hate and suspicion in your heart all along. Just waiting for an excuse to vocalize what had been in your head well before.
Titania22 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Were you married or what happened? I wasn't married, I was stupid, and blinded by love. It's a long, complicated story. (the cliff notes) I was pushed into doing things and agreeing to things that I never otherwise would have. I believed we would be spending our lives together, and the choices we were making were for our future. And that even though I wasn't comfortable with some of the decisions, he convinced me he knew what he was doing, and I needed to trust him to be the man and take care of us.
Woggle Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 The person who used me for money was also the person who used me for sex and an incubator. The last two was was worse, more personal. It would have been our money if he did anything ANYTHING AT ALL to help out. Instead he was dead weight all around. I get tired of how this becomes just another installment on the gender war. People are users. It tells a lot about your character when you look to one gender as the victim and the other gender as the victimizer. If someone of your opposite gender harms you in this way and you're quick to get out the large brush to paint all the same - you had hate and suspicion in your heart all along. Just waiting for an excuse to vocalize what had been in your head well before. We should never paint an entire gender with one brush but cases like UF described where a man gets cheated on and still has to pay through the nose happens primarily to men. To be cheated on, find out your kid is not yours and still have to pay her has to be horrible. Admitting that this happens mostly to one gender is not tarring all women just like admitting women are much more likely to be raped outside of prison does not mean that all men are rapists.
threebyfate Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I wasn't married, I was stupid, and blinded by love. It's a long, complicated story. (the cliff notes) I was pushed into doing things and agreeing to things that I never otherwise would have. I believed we would be spending our lives together, and the choices we were making were for our future. And that even though I wasn't comfortable with some of the decisions, he convinced me he knew what he was doing, and I needed to trust him to be the man and take care of us.I hear you and have compassion for your pain and betrayed love and trust. But maybe it's time to look at it another way. You've learned something from this. You're not going to allow this to happen again. So isn't it time to move on, to once again view life in a more balanced way? Not every man will take your money and run, not only because you're going to prevent it from happening but also, because not all men are d-bags. Money is replaceable, perhaps not quickly. But your life is never replaceable so the longer you spend time in purgatory, the more you're wasting a non-renewable resource. You're only hurting yourself. Stop.
Author musemaj11 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 The person who used me for money was also the person who used me for sex and an incubator. The last two was was worse, more personal. It would have been our money if he did anything ANYTHING AT ALL to help out. Instead he was dead weight all around. I get tired of how this becomes just another installment on the gender war. People are users. It tells a lot about your character when you look to one gender as the victim and the other gender as the victimizer. If someone of your opposite gender harms you in this way and you're quick to get out the large brush to paint all the same - you had hate and suspicion in your heart all along. Just waiting for an excuse to vocalize what had been in your head well before. When it comes to financial abuse, most of the times women are the victimizers. Its a fact. Just like its a fact that most sexual abuses are done by men.
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 In another thread a woman said that a guy using a woman for sex is worse than a girl using a guy for money. Personally I find such a view extremely outrageous and further strengthens my perception that women really do have little appreciation of a man's money and takes for granted the money that a man spends. Do women think that men get money from magical money-growing trees in our backyards or what? Why do you have such a low appreciation then? Dont any of you work and know firsthand how hard it is to make money? Im a full-time student and I have a full-time job doing physical work. For six days a week I spend 12 hours either at work or at school each day. I work hard for the little money I have so when I do spend it on someone it really comes from the heart as a gesture of appreciation. Therefore it really angers me to know that women dont value a man's money and takes it for granted like a parking space at Walmart. Im more and more convinced by the day that there are only two kinds of women in this world; Gold diggers and gold diggers who are not attractive enough to be gold diggers. Musemaj11 I do not think I have seen one post made by you that did not have mysoginistic overtones rising from it. I know you are not homosexual, but I always wonder if you even like women. I know you have, or at least have had a girlfriend. I wonder if she gets treated to backhanded compliments all of the time like you post in your threads. That said, there are those who use both men and women for sex or money interchangeabley. It is not right to use someone for either but if you are fairly intelligent when it comes to street smarts it is extremely simple to see through the transparent intentions of a man or woman trying to use you for either. Also, there are certainly more than just gold diggers and hot gold diggers in the world. I am a full time student studying a very lucrative field and I also work. I certainly do not use my DF for his money.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Personally, and this is just from my own personal experience, I think getting used for money is worse then sex. Reason I say that is because of what happened to me this past summer. I fell in love with this girl and she reciprocated, or at least she claimed. I had no income this summer because of my internship where I was not payed, I was essentially slave labor. I spent a small fortune trying to treat her right and make her happy, she dumped me the day after I took her to a concert to see one of her favorite bands The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies. I felt like she used me and purposely waited to dump me after the concert, she denies this, but everyone I talked to, including her own mother, agrees with me. It certainly looks like she used me for the concert when she already knew that she was no longer in love with me. That is why I feel being used for money is worse then being used for sex.
Titania22 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I hear you and have compassion for your pain and betrayed love and trust. But maybe it's time to look at it another way. You've learned something from this. You're not going to allow this to happen again. So isn't it time to move on, to once again view life in a more balanced way? Not every man will take your money and run, not only because you're going to prevent it from happening but also, because not all men are d-bags. Money is replaceable, perhaps not quickly. But your life is never replaceable so the longer you spend time in purgatory, the more you're wasting a non-renewable resource. You're only hurting yourself. Stop. ThreeByFate, I have stopped. I have healed, and I don't live in the past. It just seemed appropriate to the question posed. I am out there living life more then I have, not because I didn't when I was 18, but because back then I was more dumb blonde, then the whole, intelligent being I am today. I stayed home for pretty much 2 whole years healing myself from that relationship, and then another year taking baby steps. The hugest steps forward I have taken since joining ls. I may still be confused when it comes to men and relationships, but I have taken great strides in all other areas of my life, also am now dealling with teenagers in the home, which is very interesting, somewhat challenging, and often confronting. Please don't think because I mention something from the past in a thread, that I am living in the past, or still caught in intense emotion about it. I lived, I learned, and as for that guy (with the money), even with that he was such an improvement to my exhusband, I don't wish the relationship hadn't happened (I just sometimes wish we had made a couple of different choices on the way). I am now looking at less then 2yrs left until I am debt free from it. So yeah, I still have to be really careful, because I now have 22months to come up with 30K, but I can see the end, and that is so exciting. When that happens, I know any residual negative emotions to him will be gone, because he will have shown himself as an upstanding man by not running away. Whether it be using people for sex or money, people are flawed, and they don't always make the right choices along the way. I would prefer to see people, not as flawless, but rather how they learn from their choices, and how they deal when they screw up. When people start general threads, like this one, I will pull on my past, when forming my perspective. But my attitude overall is that people can recover from anything if they will let themselves. And people can never recover from something if they don't really want to let it go. It's an individual thing, so asking which is worse, will be different depending on the person, not necessarily the sex of the person. For me it's obviously money, my body tends to heal in 3 days from even the worst sexual encounter, and now after all I have experience, I can pretty much jump back from emotional trauma (the worst of it anyway) within 2months max (it obviously takes longer before I am ready to jump back in and risk it all again, but am functioning and together within that time period), financial trauma takes as long as it takes to get back to the financial position I was in before the hit. And it is made more stressful, by the fact I don't want my parents to find out, and I have dependants who rely on me to make sure the bills are paid and there is a constant stream of food.
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Personally, and this is just from my own personal experience, I think getting used for money is worse then sex. Reason I say that is because of what happened to me this past summer. I fell in love with this girl and she reciprocated, or at least she claimed. I had no income this summer because of my internship where I was not payed, I was essentially slave labor. I spent a small fortune trying to treat her right and make her happy, she dumped me the day after I took her to a concert to see one of her favorite bands The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies. I felt like she used me and purposely waited to dump me after the concert, she denies this, but everyone I talked to, including her own mother, agrees with me. It certainly looks like she used me for the concert when she already knew that she was no longer in love with me. That is why I feel being used for money is worse then being used for sex. Okay, aside from what she claimed. What things did she actually DO that expressed deep care for you?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Money is replaceable, perhaps not quickly. But your life is never replaceable so the longer you spend time in purgatory, the more you're wasting a non-renewable resource. You're only hurting yourself. Stop. Don't you see? I spend nearly 1/3 of my life earning money. By taking someone's money... you are taking a part of their life that is not replaceable. Yeah... moping around helps nobody... but stealing their life and vitality is simply terrible! I understand that it hurts a lot to be used for sex. I get that... but Musemaj11 has a very good point about the general feminine perspective here. There just doesn't seem to be a connection between my money and the time and energy I put into earning it. Just no respect. Titania22 is strong proof that it isn't just men that lose out in this... more and more women suffer it. I've been hurt in a ton of different ways before... but being used for money has been one of the most painful... and the trust gap it creates with other people is really bad.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Okay, aside from what she claimed. What things did she actually DO that expressed deep care for you? Sacrificed her time with friends and her work to help me out in my internship, went back to her family on the East Coast and told them I was the kind of guy she wanted to marry, told her deepest secret something which I haven't exposed to this day. She also introduced me to her family, something she has not done with most of her past boyfriends with the possible exception of one. Its a good long list, but none of that matters because in the end, in the last several weeks of our relationship, she knew she was going to break up with me, that her feelings had changed, yet she gave me no clue and allowed to me just spend on her until after the concert.
hoping2heal Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 Sacrificed her time with friends and her work to help me out in my internship, went back to her family on the East Coast and told them I was the kind of guy she wanted to marry, told her deepest secret something which I haven't exposed to this day. She also introduced me to her family, something she has not done with most of her past boyfriends with the possible exception of one. Its a good long list, but none of that matters because in the end, in the last several weeks of our relationship, she knew she was going to break up with me, that her feelings had changed, yet she gave me no clue and allowed to me just spend on her until after the concert. I do not think she did all of that to use you. Maybe she did stay longer in the RS so she could get to see that concert and that was definately wrong, but I would not say the whole RS was just you being used because of one incident.
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