turokturok5 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Im sick and tired of waiting around in NC, waiting for her to contact me and tell me to meet up. I wait for 10 days strict NC, been 28 days since break-up, instead she asks my best mate out for coffee, he suggests our whole group goes, she suggests just them two. It's started to annoy me now, im sick of not being able to talk to other girls because i feel guilty that she may still come back, im sick of worrying, sick of hoping and sick of getting jealous. Shes dogged me out enough to the point where im starting to get mad and i need to speak to her face to face. It's just got me worked up how she could tell me how happy she was when we first started dating, how i was such a nice guy and never treated her badly and she suddenly dumps me, but tells me she really still wants to be friends, but makes no effort to communicate. for 3 months before we started dating we would talk endlessly about anything, now i get nothing. I do feel bad for giving her the cold shoulder the other day when i saw her, but i made that choice and now i regret it, as i do for deleting her off facebook. I want to text her and ask to meet up, just so i can say that i've given her space to show her im not so dependant and i want to know if theres any chance of starting again. If she says no, fine, i gave her space to show i wasn't clingy, i tried to work something out and if this is the case, then i'll find it easier to move on. I have tried, but that was 2 days after the break-up and i was a mess, i was desperate, i pretty much begged so it wouldn't have been very attractive, it's kind of worked against me as i want to talk to her now, calm and collected but she may think im going to plead again. Is this the best way to do it, text her and ask to meet up and if she ignores it then next time i see her ill blurt it out, i just need to tell her face to face if im ever going to forget her
hopeful4someday Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I don't think there's any harm in asking for closure as long as you go in with the mindset that you may not actually get what you're looking for. I think ultimately you need to think about what you really want when you're weighing your options. A lot of people use NC as a tool to bring someone back, but really, the best thing about it is to let you move forward. NC isn't about them, it's about you. If you really feel like there's something you need to know or want to know, I think it's OK to ask for it, and it doesn't always turn out badly. I just got dumped and the whole process took about a week from start to finish, with several long conversations, a bunch of crying and some frantic text messages. I could see some people saying, "Well you looked like an idiot" ... but I said what I needed to say and he told me what I needed to hear and while I know that our conversations actually pretty much sealed the deal that we will never be together again, at the end of the day I feel good because there's no ambiguity and no room for false hope. Not all exes are willing to be honest with you, so that's another thing to consider. You might go in with the idea of getting closure and find that that person isn't able to give it to you. They might say things that make you feel like there's still a chance even if there isn't, because they want to let you down easy or they have no idea what they want or really feel. A lot of times you just won't get it, so you'll end up in the spot you are now, but back at square one of recovery. So my advice would be to really think about yourself, figure out what specifically you want and whether talking can actually give it to you. If not, NC is probably the best way to go until you've gotten more emotional distance from the situation. Good luck.
makelemonade1974 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Ah - closure, closure, closure - what is this thing? I think it's different for everyone. Mine didn't come until 5 months out, and it wasn't in the form of an "explanation" from him - just a realization of how his character falls short of what I want in a partner. Being that you are so fresh out of the relationship, it sounds like you are just using closure as an excuse to have contact with her. You will get a thrill from being close to her physically, hearing her voice, etc etc. but it is going to hurt EXPONENTIALLY worse than what you are going through right now. The women is like a drug addiction - treat her as such. If you behave properly now (and maintain no contact until she reaches out to you - or at least until at least a month has passed), you may actually have a chance for reconciliation (although I wonder what she is doing going out one on one w/ your best mate - that sounds fishy). If I had to go back in time, I think had I maintained my pride and strict no contact after the breakup, I would probably be with my ex right now. Of course, that would be a tragedy, as he is an a** and I'm better off without him. The point is that "closure" is an illusion that happens when it's ready to happen. She can't give you closure in the way you are thinking - as an explanation or a heart-to-heart talk. Right now, you need to make her miss you like heck if you want her back. And also you need to focus on yourself, think about what went wrong and whether or not you were happy in the relationship, so you can decide whether she is someone you really want in your life. The world is full of beautiful, single women - and you will have many lovers before your lifetime is over.
depplover_1980 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Closure isn't all it's cracked up to me and really it's just you wanting another chance to see her, in the hope she'll magically change her mind. Listen to Lemonade and hopefuls advice.
Movingthrough Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I have said this before on here and this is my only issue with NC. I feel a lot of people go into it without having everything out in the first place. With me, i made a ton of mistakes, but those mistakes (emailing, texting, trying to be "cool" with her) allowed me to get it all out and have some sort of closure because i knew i exhausted all the things i could possibly do. If there are things you need to say or do i would suggest finding a mature avenue to get it out and through to her BUT just know you will most likely not get back what you are hoping for. When the dumpee (even maybe the dumper) pushes when something is over, it actually pushes the other person away. We are trying to do something for ourselves, but our ex uses it as yet again another example of why you are broken up. Like lemonade said, if i had a chance to do it over, i would have went NC right from the bat, but thats easy for me to say now because i have exhausted all routes....NC to me is done sometimes too soon, and is looked at as a way to torture the other person, it needs to be looked at more in a way of "there is nothing left i can say or do for this, so im done".
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