ljpaterson Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Hey guys. My boyfriend dumped me about a month and a half ago, and I have been in contact with him ever since. We have hung out a couple times and he has kissed me, cuddled with me, and held my hand even though he says that there is no chance of us getting back together. The last time I saw him was on Valentines day and we went to a movie, came back, and cuddled in my bed. It has killed me over and over again, and every time he leaves after that I just feel depressed. About two weeks ago, after asking for him back one final time and getting REJECTED BRUTALLY (He turned his phone off for the night after I texted him asking for him back.. then I left 2 messages crying.) I decided that I was going to go no contact with him, and I just started ignoring his texts. Of course... I got weak last weekend (I'm so stupid.) and I contacted him. He was all like "Hey Lauren! Where have you been?" And he said he was worried I lost my phone or that I was hurt or something... Anyways, we started talking again, and I told him that I want to be best friends with him still. This past week we have been closer than ever. We text every day and talk all of the time. He invited me to a Pokemon thing that's going on at the mall this weekend. He is the only other person that likes Pokemon, and I always wanted to go to this thing even before he asked me. In fact, when we were dating we planned on going to it anyways. Anyways, I thought that everything would be okay if we talked all of the time, but it still isn't. I still want him to be my boyfriend. I still want his love and the attention that he used to give me, but now I screwed up. I already tried going no contact with him once and I couldn't do it. Now I'll just look stupid if I start ignoring his texts again. PLUS, I really want to go to this pokemon thing at the mall! Ugh, WHAT SHOULD I DO? My mom scolded me when I went no contact with him 2 weeks ago. She said that I was being immature and I should at least told him that I can't talk to him anymore because I still have feelings for him. So If I DO decide to go no contact with him, should I tell him that I'm going to do it? What if I get weak again and contact him? I just have no motivation at all and I still feel like I would do anything to have him back....
D78 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Many people say there's no reason to even tell your ex that you're going NC. But, in your situation, since you tried it once and then got in contact again, maybe it would be best to tell him what you're doing. Just say something like, "I still have feelings for you. I need space to get over my feelings, since you have made it clear we have no shot. Please don't contact me anymore." There are better ways to say it if you search the threads, but this gets the general idea across. Then, remember to not look at his FB or texts or emails or anything. You're doing this so you can feel better. Your curiosity will almost drive you nuts, but if you stick with it, NC becomes much easier over time. Good luck!
hopeful4someday Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I think dumpers like to feel better about their decisions by maintaining a friendship, but it's not always the best for the dumpee. He's rejected you repeatedly and it's hurting you. Being his friend right now is going to keep hurting you. I just got dumped too recently (as I have already whined), and our last conversation ended relatively well, with me saying that for now I needed to take some time for myself and that maybe we'd talk in the future but that it would be something I initiate if and when I ever feel like it's something I want. Generally, people who travel in the same social circles seem to break up, do NC, have a few awkward social meetings, and sooner or later just turn into regular friends again (though not as close as they used to be). It'll happen,but he needs to respect your space for now until you're ready to have him in your life again as someone you don't have feelings for. He dumped you, now he gets to go in the doghouse. I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to tell him why you need NC and to tell him that you expect him to hold up his end of the bargain. He may have dumped you, but there are consequences for him too, and it sounds like he needs to learn to accept them.
Author ljpaterson Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 So when should I start? After Sunday? Or should I just not go to the mall with him on Sunday? I am so confused.
Recommended Posts