looking23 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Ok so..... I work for a company, where I was on the road for quite some time. I finally came back to my home office. Unaware of the fact that they hired a new girl(I know the whole don't date at work thing but I feel like this is worth it) Weird thing is, no one really said anything about her. Usually the guys talk and everyone knows when a new female is hired, and rated (Typical guy talk). Shes not tall tan with TNA, but I think shes beautiful. SO I finally meet her... and boy did my eyes light up, as did hers. I felt a connection like I never have before...So I introduce myself, keeping it cool. Over the next few weeks I started talking to her more and more. We go to lunch, when I see her I stop and talk, and its always smiling, giggling lit up eyes. I feel like there's no one else around. Even when there is other people around we totally are locked into each other, and no one else can break our gaze/ conversation. Anywho... I made her a little gift basket for xmas, just stuff like lotion and hot chocolate( she lives in a snowy area). Stuff "to keep her warm" She really loved it. We continue to talk and get to know each other little by little.. So Vday comes around... I get her some roses.. NOT red! But something that says I like you. I made her a card by hand and made some fake tickets for a show with our names on it(kinda cheesy..I know). Again she loved them.. So we talked and mentions she has a bf(sad faces)... I just asked if it was serious, and she said kinda, not really, i dunno. She said she likes me and thinks I'm sweet and all that...she doesn't want me to stop talking to her or not to see her.. or anything like that. I'm somewhat dissappointed, but I'm still attracted and still want to take her out, and get to know her. She wants to go to the show(cause her BF would never take her) and we are going too, and we still talk like theres no one around. Eyes locked. Completely into each other, laughing and all giggly. We can finish each other sentences. I haven't exactly felt like this in a long time, about anybody. Everything is so natural, and feels right. I'm so myself around her. I don't even have to try to impress her.. I know she feels nervous when I'm around, and her eyes and smile light up with me, and not with anyone else... My heart is telling me go for it. I don't exactly meet someone like this everyday. But my brain is telling me to hold off. I've been close to death many times, and know that I should live for the moment. This moment feels like two puzzle pieces, that were meant to come together. I'm not a player. I don't just want to "hit it and quit it". My sun sign is cancer, and if you know I'm a one woman type of guy... I guess my moral self is fighting my selfish self, and I don't know what to do. Chase her or wait?
Hopeful30 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Your brain eventually wins. Trust me on this one. Ive been in this situation a billion times. Your brain always knows the right thing to do, and eventually that's the road you go down. Use your head.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 If she's got a boyfriend then she is playing YOU, and winning. If it doesn't work with you she has her man to fall back on.
SmileFace Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 So we talked and mentions she has a boy friend(sad faces)... I just asked if it was serious, and she said kinda, not really, i dunno. She said she likes me and thinks I'm sweet and all that...she doesn't want me to stop talking to her or not to see her.. or anything like that. Please listen to your brain. Your heart will thank you.
Author looking23 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Well I've done that in the past and listened to my brain, and lost out. I don't want to live with regrets, and missed chances.. however the whole bf didn't come up until vday.. which was total buzzkill.... Its probably the sane thing to do, and I know that.. I guess I was hoping that there is a girl out there that isn't into that and somehow looking for a silver lining Why do girls do that? So what? Continue to get to know her? hopefully she comes to her senses? Or just walk away? And what if it does work out with me>? Sorry for being stubborn...and thank you for your replies.
810 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Well I've done that in the past and listened to my brain, and lost out. hopefully she comes to her senses? i hope you do come to your senses soon. read Evolve Your Brain: The Science of Changing Your Mind by Joe Dispenza then you'll understand why the brain will eventually win.
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Well I've done that in the past and listened to my brain, and lost out. I don't want to live with regrets, and missed chances.. however the whole bf didn't come up until vday.. which was total buzzkill.... Its probably the sane thing to do, and I know that.. I guess I was hoping that there is a girl out there that isn't into that and somehow looking for a silver lining Why do girls do that? So what? Continue to get to know her? hopefully she comes to her senses? Or just walk away? And what if it does work out with me>? Sorry for being stubborn...and thank you for your replies. You Man Up and have 'the talk'. You tell her - confess your feelings for her are very strong, but if she has a BF she's serious about, you're not about to do the dishonourable thing and stray into someone else's territory. It's not your bag, you have more honesty and dignity than that. Tell her: it's really simple - while this guy is a significant feature on her horizon, then you can't consider holding a wish in your heart for her. She really needs to decide what she feels would be better for her. Him - or you. because you're not a player, you go for keeps. if she's really serious about this guy, then you will back off and forget all hope of starting something with her. If she's not Really Serious about this guy - then she needs to tell him, because you don't want to be the cause of their break up. But you'll happily be the catalyst. In other words, she should decide to leave him FOR you. Not BECAUSE of you. She has a choice to make. And before you go too much further, she needs to make it. And whatever happens - you need to brace yourself to accept it, should it go the way you'd rather it didn't.....
smudge21 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Totally agree with what was said above - talk to her and be honest. I've made the exact (and I mean exact) same mistakes as you're making now and it never works out well. The clues are all there, the most obvious is the boyfriend. I'm still very much going through bad times with a girl who was/is in the same situation and I just didn't listen to my head, only my heart. We got along so well and it was clear we should've been together, but she decided to take the safe bet and stick with her bf. That's the issue you'll face - you're the risk, whereas with him she knows where she stands. If she didn't want to be with him and wanted to move on, then she would have done already. What you're doing is showing her this other world, what could be, and it is tempting for her, but she's not yet ready to enter that world. In time, maybe, but not yet. So please for the sake of your heart just be honest with her. Do what I forgot to do and tell her how you feel, remind her how great you both are together, even tell her how great it could be (make it clear you do want her), but then say you can't take it any further whilst she's where she is. Clearly you're already having feelings for her so walking away will be hard, but look at it this way. At the moment she's getting what she wants - the secuirty of a boyfriend and the excitement of someone new. Please trust me on this one, don't make my mistakes. Let her know how you feel but then step back... I know that's easier said then done.
Imajerk17 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 This is nuts. You're giving her gifts before you've even gone on *one* date. And she is taking them from you! Either her moral compass is off, or she is lying about having a boyfriend. Maybe both. Gifts are only for women you're sleeping with. Go to the show with her and make a move on her. If she doesn't kiss you, then consider that cold water on your fantasy. If you get physical with her, you might have a shot with this girl.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Sounds like a classic example of a women wanting to have her cake and eat it too.
Cee Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 You pursued an unavailable woman before Christmas to Valentine's Day. She tells you she's unavailable on February 14. Okay, had you cut your losses right then you would have only wasted 6 or 7 weeks. But, it is March 2nd. And you have thrown away almost 3 weeks of your dating energy. Put all of your regard for this one woman into yourself and get out of the office and start meeting new women. Let go of the fantasy that she's the one. The fact that you are capable of falling for this woman means you are able to fall for others. Get out there. Life is short.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 she said kinda, not really, i dunno. This had me chuckling inside. She knows, that's why she hesitated until Vday to say she's unavailable. And she didn't even say that! She only said she might be unavailable depending on how time and effort you're willing to put in to pursuing her.
phenotype22 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Sounds like a classic example of a woman wanting to have her cake and eat it too. Exactly. Save your time and money.
Movingthrough Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I dont really think you are being played but this is the typical thing where the bf is not covering all the bases so the girl is ok with you covering them. You doing all the baskets and extra effort stuff is a waste, i know you like her but if she has a guy - get out of there, in the end you will loose. I would tell her you are not looking for a friend and you wont be second fiddle to her, be polite, be mature and maybe down the road something will come from it. "Pushing" it now will do nothing.
mtber75 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Sounds like a classic example of a women wanting to have her cake and eat it too. Don't know why women like to lead on men like this? She's just probably being very friendly since its at work and you guys work together. Check her FB. If she has her bf all over her page than its probably more serious and you have no chance. If you really don't want to miss the opportunity, just be her friend nothing more and who knows in the future? I strongly disagree with the idea of having that TALK with her! At worst, it may be viewed as sexual harassment!
lovingwhatis Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Wow, I feel for you. While I would normally agree with the advice about telling her how you feel explicitly, you already did by making her a hand made valentine! She knows very well how you feel. The fact that she didn't tell you what her feelings are at that point just doesn't bode well... You were being forward and she isn't. I am sorry.
810 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 (edited) Don't know why women like to lead on men like this? She's just probably being very friendly since its at work and you guys work together. Check her FB. If she has her bf all over her page than its probably more serious and you have no chance. If you really don't want to miss the opportunity, just be her friend nothing more and who knows in the future? I strongly disagree with the idea of having that TALK with her! At worst, it may be viewed as sexual harassment! i have to disagree with you on the underlined sentence because not all men be all over their gfs fb page. i do agree with the one in bold, since he works with her, he might be charged with harassment. these things are crazy and bias. he'll have no case to support his pure intention since she would say that she has a bf and made it known and yet he still bothering her. in situations like this, it's clear that she wasn't being up front about her being in R and that i agree with others, it's a classic case of wanting to have a cake and eat it too. Edited March 2, 2011 by 810
curlygirl40 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 My biggest question is-why would you want a girl who can be so easily swayed away from someone else? If she was in a committed relationship with you, would you be happy to find out that she told someone else 'kinda, not really, dunno'? Isn't that like being kinda pregnant? Back off and wait to see if she ends it with the other guy before you pursue. That's my advice. You can still be friends (stop with the gifts, though), and be nice to each other at work. But until she breaks ties with the other guy, she's not available. End of story. You're giving her the milk for free (which, btw, goes good with the cake she's having), so she's not having to make a decision. I wouldn't force a decision on her, but yet I wouldn't be giving her gifts and taking her out, etc. while she's seeing (kinda, sort of, not really, I don't know, maybe) someone else. Best of luck.
Author looking23 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 To be fair I didn't know she was with anyone up until vday...so to say I wasted that time is crap. That's exactly what I'm going to do is to wait and see what happens. If it happens great if not... well life is like that. As far as the harrasment issuthere isn't one. I don't hit on her like a horndog.. Like I said, everything is natural and go with the flow...I mean she asks me to lunch... yells my name if I pass her in the hall and don't see her. I understand what you are saying about the her being swayed so easily, and I thought about that for quite a bit. I guess its a risk you take. I guess this is all bad timing... I'm not worried.. somehow I feel it will work out.
810 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 As far as the harrasment issuthere isn't one. I don't hit on her like a horndog.. Like I said, everything is natural and go with the flow...I mean she asks me to lunch... yells my name if I pass her in the hall and don't see her. I'm not worried.. somehow I feel it will work out. you don't have to hit on her like a horn dog. in the end, it would only be your words vs hers. but anyhow, it looks like you've made up your mind about this. so good luck and have fun.
mtber75 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 To be fair I didn't know she was with anyone up until vday...so to say I wasted that time is crap. That's exactly what I'm going to do is to wait and see what happens. If it happens great if not... well life is like that. As far as the harrasment issuthere isn't one. I don't hit on her like a horndog.. Like I said, everything is natural and go with the flow...I mean she asks me to lunch... yells my name if I pass her in the hall and don't see her. I understand what you are saying about the her being swayed so easily, and I thought about that for quite a bit. I guess its a risk you take. I guess this is all bad timing... I'm not worried.. somehow I feel it will work out. Like the previous comment said, look like you already made up your mind...But be careful because its at a work place environment. Ok, the worst case is you get FIRED over this! I had a popular spin class instructor (everyone loved this guy especially the girls) who got let go because he was being too touchy like patty everyone on the back for encouragement and hugging?
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