J0N Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Well its been 125 days since the worst breakup of my life, 124 days of total NC, and a while since I have posted here. I can honestly say that these days, I do not think of her as much as I used to. I no longer have any desire to reconcile the relationship. Over the past few months I have taken the time to look at the relationship for what it really was. I have learned a lot about who I am and what I want out of my life. I have stopped blaming myself for what happened, and her for that matter. I have buried the hatchet and made peace with the situation. Fundamentally, we were two incompatible people. I know now that our relationship would have failed sooner or later. I am thankful that she made the difficult decision to do what was ultimately best for both of us, before either of us made any further investment into it. Kicking the can down the road would have only made things worse in the future. I know that this was not an easy overnight decision for her; she likely mulled it over for a while. I cannot blame her for taking a job opportunity in another state, rather than try to work on a failing relationship here. We are all only young once. At first I thought that my life was over, but I have since realized that it is not, not by a long shot. I am not going to BS here, I am not 100% over her. I still feel that I couldn’t deal with seeing her anytime in the near future. It would almost certainly open old wounds and erase all the progress I have made. I have gone so far as to proactively maintain NC by avoiding any situation where there is even a chance of running into her. I realize that at this time I will probably never see her again, I have learned to accept that. We had a great relationship together, if I had the choice to do it all over again I would. I enjoyed the relationship in both the good and not so good times. We had many great times together, and many unforgettable memories. I loved her will all my heart, and she will always hold a place there. Her birthday is in a couple days, I thought about sending her a note. I have since decided not to as it might open up old wounds. So I will post it here: Happy Birthday Catherine, I hope you have a great day! Even though we parted ways, I wish you the best both now and in the future. I know that we had our differences and I sincerely apologize for anything hurtful that I ever said. You are an intelligent, beautiful woman, with a huge heart and you bring joy and happiness to all those around you. I would wish you luck, but I know you wont need it. I enjoyed our relationship in the good and not so good times, we made many unforgettable memories you will always hold a special place in my heart. Respectfully yours, J0n In the past few weeks I have even gone out on a few dates, with a new girl who my friend set me up with. I am somewhat sure that this girl only likes me as a friend. I still consider it a win though, because I had a good time with someone new. She is really fun, and I would like to see her again. I have promised myself though that I will not drag any old emotional baggage into this or any other “new ventures.” I stumbled over a quote a while ago and it has been a sort of model for how I have been living my “new” life... Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. - Saint Francis of Assisi **** For everyone who has recently broken up with somebody, do yourself a favor and take the advice of the people who post here. NC is the only way to get over somebody. Period. **** Best, J0n
Layzie89 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Great post Jon. It's always nice seeing old members come back to share how their lives have been since their breakups. I'm at 32 days NC myself and yes it's still hard, but it's gotten a lot easier since d day. One thing I'd like to tell you about sending her that note on her birthday, please do so without even the slightest expectation that she'll reply back. You've come too far to have your progress diminished simply because you sent a birthday note (although a kind gesture) with hope that you'll get something in return. Also, I would forget about apologizing in the note, and also take out that 'respectfully yours' at the end. Now, I don't know the circumstances of which you two parted but I've read enough here on LS to know that if you're the dumpee...you shouldn't have to be apologizing for anything. Admit you've made mistakes and leave it at that. As for the 'respectfully yours'....that's just basic man. You don't want to let any girl know they still have you, even after 4 months!! Unless you meant respectfully as in...'formerly'? Still, just scratch that part out man. Ever hear of 'short and sweet'? That note is 'long and diabetic' If I were to send a note it woul dbe something like "Hey, just wanted to say Happy Birthday! I wish you the best, take care." Just some tips from a newbie LS'er...take it or leave it. Bottom line, glad to see you're doing so well after 4 months man. Keep it up
EmperorR Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 (edited) Nc is a lifesaver I'm at nearly 3 years nc don't even think about my ex fiancé at all anymore, heck te other day I saw her Facebook with her new fiancé and I felt nothing. Great post as right now I'm kind of weak with the recent ex but I know soon she will be like my ex fiancé a distant memory Don't send the birthday wish trust me I've been there it will just set you back and you"ll be kicking yourself for doing it. Edited March 2, 2011 by EmperorR
D78 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks J0N. I'm so glad to see you're feeling better and have found someone who interests you even if she's just a friend for now. Congrats!
Author J0N Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 @Layzie89 I intentionally made that message very formal and a bit diabetic, but that is because I do not plan to send anything. She would probably call or text to thank me and at this time I just don't think that would be good for either of us. It felt pretty good to 'write all this down' I feel like I am really moving in the right direction.
IfiKnewThen Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 you're doing good jon. feel proud of yourself. this is such a tough journey. and there will always be good days and bad. you are doing all the initial work...all you can do on your part. now someday you will take all that hard work and you will finally meet someone else (God willing) and they will fit you and love you. and then you will have all your hard work and healing time, coupled with that love for someone again, and you will be stronger than ever. youre getting strong enough now. i know this is hard and very impacting...but someone i know you will come through 120%. you will have double to offer someone else for this learning experience too. never be too hard on yourself. just keep moving forward.
IfiKnewThen Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 oops typo but someone i know you will come through 120%. correction: but SOMEHOW i know you will come through 120%.
Author J0N Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 Ifiknew, thanks. Your post was very kind. I am very thankful for the advice you guys have given me. It helped me save my dignity, and my sanity. Now I just have to keep moving forward.
stopthemadness Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Hi Jon, Long time no post huh? Glad to hear your doing so good.Reading all your posts on N/C made me stronger REALLY. Its only been about a month and half of n/c for me but 8 months sence the breakup. I stoped counting the days as i plan on counting the months now. Iam SOOO much better..And its because i stayed strong and didnt contact even at my weak moments. And now am at the piont that i wouldnt contact him even if he were on fire and didnt know it! And that girl, your friend. I have one of those too...IDK i just dont feel "the Thing" Id know id feel if he was gona be my next boyfriend ya know. My advice on that is slowly pull way from that. Thats what am doing with my friend. I dont mind talking to him on the phone..BUT i dont feel the need nor do i want to see him or hang out. But it was smone to talk to when am bored. We will meet the right people. When its our time..Take care..keep in touch homie..(smile)
Author J0N Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Yea, I was thinking that at this point I don't really want a relationship anyways. My "friend" is nice, and we did have a pretty good time together, but I dont think she's into it. I am not 100% sure I am either, I really dont know what I am going to do. I am having a pretty good time being single, if I met a really awesome girl and we clicked; I wouldnt turn her away. But for now, I am going to take a break from dating and fly solo for a while. This whole ordeal really took alot out of me, so I'm in no rush. I'm glad that this horrible experience has helped you, stay strong! Glad to hear things are going well for you!
brneyedgrl Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Great post Jon, I'm on day 30 of NC however it's easier than I expected at this point. I have realized even though I loved him, we would've eventually gone sour as he had too many personal issues that I could not help with (as I've tried over the past 6 years). I actually have a faint (very faint but still there) feeling of hope and excitement for any future people I meet as I have learned so much from this past relationship and what I do and don't want in a partner now. Sure I have my bad days but not once have I broken NC and it has been my saving grace. My life is looking bright and my future will be amazing but for now I'm enjoying getting to know me again and it's fabulous :-) Glad you've found so much strength, keep going!!!
voels Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 136 days here. Still feeling heavy on my chest. I'm jealous of you guys now
Author J0N Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Basically the only reason that I feel any better is that I have stayed to strict NC, kept myself super busy, laid off the booze, and been hitting it really hard at the gym. I've been trying to listen to what the logical part of my brain has been telling me... "At some point, your going to have to realize that you are no longer a part of each other's lives. You are only wasting your time worrying about her, when she has made it clear that you are no longer a priority to her. At some point J0n, you have to make peace with the past and the fact that you will never see her again." "Life is too short to spend pining after an ex"
Author J0N Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Breakups Suck... Life goes on... You've gotten over other girls before...
Layzie89 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 "At some point, your going to have to realize that you are no longer a part of each other's lives. You are only wasting your time worrying about her, when she has made it clear that you are no longer a priority to her. At some point J0n, you have to make peace with the past and the fact that you will never see her again." I like this. Our ex's made the choice to leave us. They no longer care for us the way they used to, so why should we waste time wondering if they'll ever come back, or if they're still thinking about us. All it does it slow the healing down...I need to start telling myself this everyday.
Author J0N Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 I also think that at least at some point maybe posting on this website, unless to support people is just a way of mulling over about your ex and feeling sorry for yourself. You have to stop thinking about them at some point, for me I find that has been an issue which is why I took a a couple weeks off. I like posting here but when I start to get the feeling that it is me just ranting about my ex, I take a break. At this point in my breakup, I am in limbo. I do not really know what the heck I want. This is neither good or bad, I still miss her but I have learned to live and get on without her. I get the feeling though that in a few more months, if strict NC is maintained I will reach escape velocity, and running into her would have no effect on me. There is literally only one more time that we are going to be within 100 yards of each other before she leaves my town for good. This event is something that we both have to go to, the odds of me even seeing her are not all that high though. This makes me sad but at the same time gives me hope, once she leaves here I will have no choice but to get over her and move on with my life.
charly26 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Hey Jon I feel the same way about you. Sometimes when I write on this website, it fells like besides helping other, i help myself to get over the loss of bk. I learned to be without her too, and that confirms that we are creatures of habit and that a specific girl got attracted to us, other can too. What our exes can not take from us is our ability to fall in love again. Love is transferable, which means that we will have more than one special person through our lives, so why give up on the belief? If he or she walked away from us, we have to be able to do the same and believe that if there's any chance to get back with them it would be by being happy without them (cliche , but I've seen many cases of this) Hope we both and all the people in this forum get over our exes and be happy with someone much better and suitable for us.
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