paleblue Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 so i met a new girl a couple weeks ago. she's really interested in becoming a couple already and has just told me she wants me to be around 3 or 4 nights during the week. that doesnt include the weekends. does that sound like a lot? i feel like i barely know her. i feel like i am interested in getting to know her but need time for those feelings to develop. i want to miss her and look forward to seeing her. and i think going from nothing to almost every night during the week is moving too fast. or is it me? i also kinda had a life before meeting her. ive been single almost 3 years. prior to that most of my relationships, we only spent the weekends hanging out, and did our own thing during the week. thats what it appears ive become used too. i kinda feel like this could potentially cause problems. and it actually kinda stresses me out to think about spending every night of the week right off the bat. earlier we were talking about taking it slow and getting to know each other. she said thats what she wants because moving to fast can ruin things, but then she says this. it seems to be a contradiction. im not sure how to address this. i dont want to set some kind of boundaries when we can see each other. im confused already. i suck at relationships.
alethean Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 That sounds extra to me. I would get sick of seeing anyone three to four times a week even if weekends were included. So when she is saying four out of five weekdays, um, heck naw! You did say something about how she wants to move slow, well maybe you should mention that to her. That seeing each other that often is not exactly moving slow.
heartshaped Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Do the two of you necessarily have to come up with a system of how often you will see each other? I've never been in a relationship where we have been specific as to how often we see each other. We just see each other when we have time or want to. I think saying ahead of time that the two of you will spend x amount of days together and this day and that day will only add stress if one of you doesn't want to or can't. Tell her how you are feeling and that you feel that is a bit too fast and too much for right now. You like her, but want to take things a bit slower and let things progress naturally.
looking23 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Let thing flow naturally. Don't let her push you into that position. You aren't a couple really until you know each other.. Say you have your own stuff to do, and you'll see her when you can. Let her work for your time. Don't be a pushover. By placing these "conditions" on such a new relationship is a ticking time bomb. Not that I know her, but she kind of sounds like she always needs someone to be comfortable. If I were in your shoes I would run like the wind, but thats just my opinion.
EricaH329 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Do the two of you necessarily have to come up with a system of how often you will see each other? That was my first thought too. Usually, you make plans as you think of them. Each relationship works differently. I've had some boyfriends that I only saw a couple of times a week, and others that I lived with. It's all about what you are comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with seeing her that much yet, then I would tell her you'd like to take it a bit slower. Let her know that it doesn't have anything to do with her personally, just your preference. It is odd that she would say she wanted to take it slow, then mention that she wants to see you almost every single day. Perhaps she meant physically?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 She said she wanted to take it slow because the thought thats what you wanted to hear, but she wants to get attached to you quickly. if you really feel its too much this quickly, then dont let her see you that often. Keep taking it slow. I also think that if you already think you dont get a chance to miss her now, you might never miss her because she will keep pushing. Tread lightly with this one, because if you tell her you cant miss her she might get turned off.
Author paleblue Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 thats exactly what i do not want to do - set some kind of diary system to see each other. i know its exciting getting to know someone, but im kinda feeling overlooked here. how can she feel like that after two weeks? i hate to say this already but im kinda wondering if she needs someone around all the time. she said she has to have affection, not necessarily sex, just someone to cuddle with. im kinda wondering about that. ugggg. looks like im going to have to think of something. not sure what tho. i know myself. i will become a brat if i am pushed. why can't she just chill : ( it must have been the pot roast i made the other day. i make awesome pot roast
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 thats exactly what i do not want to do - set some kind of diary system to see each other. i know its exciting getting to know someone, but im kinda feeling overlooked here. how can she feel like that after two weeks? i hate to say this already but im kinda wondering if she needs someone around all the time. she said she has to have affection, not necessarily sex, just someone to cuddle with. im kinda wondering about that. ugggg. looks like im going to have to think of something. not sure what tho. i know myself. i will become a brat if i am pushed. why can't she just chill : ( it must have been the pot roast i made the other day. i make awesome pot roast She will only do what she knows how to do, and what you LET her do. You have to train everyone around you to treat you the way you want to be treated, she cant be any different. You will have to explain to her that things need to go at a certain pace for you to go all in for the long run. She can only do it the way you want it if you tell her, shes not a mindreader. You tell her she can only see you a couple times a week and you WILL eventually see her more when things arent rushed. She will go along with it if you show conviction and confidence.
EricaH329 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 thats exactly what i do not want to do - set some kind of diary system to see each other. i know its exciting getting to know someone, but im kinda feeling overlooked here. how can she feel like that after two weeks? i hate to say this already but im kinda wondering if she needs someone around all the time. she said she has to have affection, not necessarily sex, just someone to cuddle with. im kinda wondering about that. ugggg. looks like im going to have to think of something. not sure what tho. i know myself. i will become a brat if i am pushed. why can't she just chill : ( it must have been the pot roast i made the other day. i make awesome pot roast It was the pot roast. If I found a man that could cook me pot roast, i'd fall in love too :laugh: I would set your boundaries now, as opposed to letting this continue the way it is. You'll become resentful, and it won't end well. What do you have to lose right now? She'll end up losing you down the road if things don't change.
Author paleblue Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 thanks guys for the posts. i asked her... she said it was the pot roast!!! boo!!! seriously, we had a talk, she said she meant she just wanted to see each other more than a couple times a week. she said she didnt mean to come across that way and isnt that crazy. so i feel like we are back to our happy place again and the pressure is off. i dont think thats too bad putting it that way. i'll give it a whirl and see what happens. feeling pretty positive about this again. it has been brought to my attention by a female co-worker who knows a little about the past couple of women i dated, she thinks i am ready to pull the plug on any relationship before i even give it a chance because of those bad expriences. she knows the one i work with and said being exposed to such an emotionally unhealthy woman for so long has made me slightly hypervigilant. she thinks my ex at work is garbage. which coincides with other instances were co-workers have expressed their less than positive thoughts about my ex. so maybe to some degree, perhaps she is right. maybe my ex's cheating lying abusive ways have affected me more than i realize. and maybe i try to sabotage things before i give them a real chance. she said i need to give a healthy relationship a chance to sink in so i know what one is like and get comfortable with it. like learning to go from the bad to the good. so i think i'll try to give it a fair chance and see what happens. she is after all cute and we seem to mesh. she even brought dinner and a 12 pack over last week. so why not. i guess another good piece of news is i learned recently soon we'll be working from home a few days a week. and when that starts i shouldnt even have to see my ex anymore. talk about a sense of relief!
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