Hopeful30 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Was it triggered by a specific event? The way they treated you? Or do you always have this insecurity in relationships?
denise_xo Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 My biggest insecurity is not feeling safe with my partner. The fundamental trigger to that is internal to myself, and has less to do with a partner's behaviour.
oaks Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I don't really have insecurities about my relationships. Is that normal?
Cee Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I admit that I have insecurities in my relationship, but I chalk it up to being afraid of losing a good thing. This is my first relationship in many years and it is so good, I don't want it to end. He does nothing to trigger insecurity, which means our relationship seems to be working just fine. I hope he doesn't feel insecure with me. I don't think I've ever said anything that was rude or critical. I am trying to be patient and I know that trust, caring, and love take time to grow.
sally4sara Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Finding out I placed value on a poor choice. It makes one question their judgment and then leads to wondering who, of the other people in your life, are what they seem.
Eeyore79 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 In previous relationships I assumed someone cared about me when in fact they didn't love me, never wanted to marry me, and sometimes were just using me for sex and cruelly dumped me when they got tired of me. It was incredibly painful and I struggled with guilt and depression for years because of being badly treated. Now I've pulled myself together and I'm extremely wary; I don't want to be taken in by lies again, and I don't want to return to that dark broken-hearted place which took so many years to drag myself back from. My boyfriend doesn't do anything to cause my insecurity, it's based more on issues from my past. He's a great guy, but I sometimes wonder if he really loves me or if I've made a mistake again. I wonder if he's just using me for sex, if he'll ever marry me or make any sort of commitment, if he's going to abandon me, whether it's safe for me to love him and risk having my heart broken, etc. It isn't really fair, because I'm expecting him to treat me like others did, and he's an entirely different person.
NG85 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 My biggest thing is not really letting myself be fully comfortable with my partners. In the past I used to really open myself up, which left me in a vulnerable state, which would always lead to me getting hurt. In my past few relationships I tried not to care as much or let my guard down as much as I could, and while it did keep me from getting hurt too much, it also caused problems as my partners would think I didn't care or I was just using them for sex or good times. But once I fully open up, I'd end up getting hurt.
collegeguy_24 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 My biggest insecurity is my woman not talking to me, and this has led to some bad endings for me. In my first relationship, after 6 months, she stopped all communication with me, and when I came over to her place, she would just pretend I wasn't there. In the end, I found out she was cheating on me, not with a man, but with another woman. and her cheating was why she stopped talking to me. In my second relationship, my ex stopped communicating with me, her texts would be short, she would ask for time apart to test the relationship, but at the same time tell me she loved me. She later left me for another man. In my current relationship, I am afraid I will assume the worst if the time ever comes where she doesn't communicate with me anymore, because of my last experiences.
sthrngirl9110 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 In previous relationships I assumed someone cared about me when in fact they didn't love me, never wanted to marry me, and sometimes were just using me for sex and cruelly dumped me when they got tired of me. It was incredibly painful and I struggled with guilt and depression for years because of being badly treated. Now I've pulled myself together and I'm extremely wary; I don't want to be taken in by lies again, and I don't want to return to that dark broken-hearted place which took so many years to drag myself back from. My boyfriend doesn't do anything to cause my insecurity, it's based more on issues from my past. He's a great guy, but I sometimes wonder if he really loves me or if I've made a mistake again. I wonder if he's just using me for sex, if he'll ever marry me or make any sort of commitment, if he's going to abandon me, whether it's safe for me to love him and risk having my heart broken, etc. It isn't really fair, because I'm expecting him to treat me like others did, and he's an entirely different person. This is me almost exactly to a T. My ex of three years was extremely emotionally abusive, and before him I had a relationship of a year with a perpetual cheater. Guys like this will say ANYTHING to get you to stay with them, because it is a big game, and if you leave, it's over and they lose. The part that makes it so hard to trust a good man, is because everything they say, and MEAN, you have been told before and it was a LIE.
Eeyore79 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 The part that makes it so hard to trust a good man, is because everything they say, and MEAN, you have been told before and it was a LIE. Said more concisely by you than me, but this was pretty much my point. I find it difficult to trust that my boyfriend is telling me the truth because previous boyfriends have said the same and it was a lie. It's a case of once bitten, twice shy - I don't want to go through all that pain again, so I have a tendency to assume that someone is lying when they say they love me and won't leave me, and that their lies are designed to persuade me to give them sex.
sthrngirl9110 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Too true. I feel awful when I let these feelings and hurts get in the way of my current relationship, because the logical "sane" part of me knows that he loves me, and is being truthful. I want the sick and injured part of me to heal.
SunshineD Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Said more concisely by you than me, but this was pretty much my point. I find it difficult to trust that my boyfriend is telling me the truth because previous boyfriends have said the same and it was a lie. It's a case of once bitten, twice shy - I don't want to go through all that pain again, so I have a tendency to assume that someone is lying when they say they love me and won't leave me, and that their lies are designed to persuade me to give them sex. Gosh I guess this is so many women's core issue. For me, it's this and the added vulnerability of getting my children involved. I feel strongly that you can believe actions more than words. But it's still taking a risk. You just have to manage that uneasy feeling.
tigressA Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Finding out I placed value on a poor choice. It makes one question their judgment and then leads to wondering who, of the other people in your life, are what they seem. THIS. Oh my goodness, this is it for me. I invested so much in a total scumbag before meeting my current BF (who is absolutely amazing) and sometimes, because of my prior judgment, can't help but wonder if there's something I'm missing. It's like I don't totally trust myself to make relationship choices that are good for me.
Pyro Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 when CE and I started becoming serious I was worried that due to our distance that she would decide that it wasn't worth it and would stop trying.
blackmagik Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I would say my biggest insecurity would be that of afraid of losing them or a good thing. I have been pretty hurt in my other relationships so when in a new relationship I am always afraid I will do something or act a certain way and they do the same things that happened to me in the past. Although this isn't a true fact and I definitely work on it now with my current relationship. The fact remains that being hurt in previous years does affect what you do now. Hopefully this feeling will pass and I wont have to worry about it in the future.
phillyfan Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Was it triggered by a specific event? The way they treated you? Or do you always have this insecurity in relationships? No neva. Dude wats the point? U only have one life why waste it worryin. Some ppl will like u, some wont, just enjoy life. I aint Gods gift but I do get great girls I think my attitude is a big part of it, sure ive had my heart ripped out lol weve all been there, an i guess ive been the playa OK I know ive been the playa lol but wateva, a new girl is a new girl I aint gona bring no baggage.
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