Guys and Girls - how much do u give in a relationship? What's reasonable and fair?

[babybear]

Hey all,

 

I ended my relationship(4 yrs) b/c I just didn't feel like I was getting as much as I gave from my bf. I'm the type to write notes, send cards, emails, etc. I'm the kind of gf you could call at 4 am with insomnia, and I'll wake up to talk it out til you feel better.

 

Now, my bf (ex?) is a bit different. We're both busy grad students - and I get that there's not a lot of free time. But I get a couple texts here and there, a call once every couple days. Even if I text saying omg, I'm freaking out about XYZ, it'll be 6 or 7 hours before I get a response. No txts wishing me a good nite. Sometimes, but it's rare.

 

How is he a bf, and not just like any other old friend I have? He says he hates the phone...and I'm just supposed to say ok?

 

Anyway - I'm posting this in 2nd chances b/c I'm fed up, but he wants me to hang in there. Is this all I should ever expect from any guy? I've been in it so long I don't remember any different.

 

Thanks for listening.

[carhill]

If you're having sex with him, he's getting far too much lovin' for his own good. Think of a little boy in his high chair with a set of lungs and all his candies spread out before him. Gluttony.

 

'I feel neglected. I would like xxx and xxx (simple actions that you decide) to feel more loved.' Listen.

 

'What would you like to feel more loved in our relationship?' Listen.

 

If such actions aren't proactively forthcoming within a specific timeline you decide for yourself, he loses the value of your love and company. Life is a balance. Time he learns that. You do your part, proactively. Love is action and choice. We all have the capacity.

 

Good luck

[babybear]

Somewhere along the line I must have said, please take me for granted - I'm not going anywhere. I never set rigid rules about call me X times a day. But I always said we needed to just stay connected. It's SO hard for him! I don't know what is so hard!