lilywise Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Hi, I am new here. I come here because I am really confused and frustrate about my relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now. I am 24 and he is 27. Things started to get slow after 3 months mark. He stopped calling me everyday, he only calls me when he has something to ask me, he would not call to check up on me. I have talked to him about this and told him that I am very bothered by the fact that he doesn't call. I told him I wish he could at least call every other day so he shows that he cares about me. He said "Ok" after I talked to him, but he still doesn't call me. I don't think he is cheating on me or anything. He has a pretty stressful job and every day when he went home, he just plays video games all the time. I feel like he is just a boy who is too selfish to think about other people. I tried to talk to him about this, but i don't want to be too needy or too demanding. In addition to that, I think we are starting to have less sex. I don't think he thinks I am attractive anymore. He doesn't initiate sex and when I ask for it, he would do it, but 2 out of 3 times he would not come. I can get orgasm pretty easily but he wouldn't come that makes me feel frustrated. I think he is frustrated as well, is this another reason that he wouldn't have sex with me anymore? I really like this guy and I want to have a long serious relationship with him. I know relationship requires good communication. But he seems to hate relationship talks and I am not good at talking about feelings. Someone please help me, I have been feeling really down these days and I can't talk to anyone about this. Thank you all.
Datura Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Why the desire for a long serious relationship with someone who is just a boy who is too selfish to think about others? 1
Author lilywise Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 When we are spending time together he makes me feel happy, we came from similar family background, similar education background and have many common interests. And I like him a lot.... IDK, I am very frustrated right now and start to have self doubts.
lenny Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 It's a tricky stage your in. It is true he may be losing interest, but also, you may be needlessly worrying about things. After a few months it's pretty natural for things to slow down. You were riding a wave of high infatuation and that can't be maintained long term. After a few months people typically start developing a balance between the new love interest and what they normally do with their time that they've been ignoring for the first couple months. This balance is very important to ensure you don't "lose yourself" being in the relationship. This is a good time for you to get back into your hobbies and other friends. For the sex, that could be anything. If his job is high stress it could just be at the end of the day he's just not that into it. I know my guy is more into it morning/midday. Some things to keep in mind through this phase: - Don't keep nagging him to call you more often. You said what you would like - enough said. - Keep the contact initiation about even. If you are calling him more than he calls you ... stop. If you are calling him twice a day and he only calls every second day ... stop. If you push too much to be close right now, you could just end up pushing him away. 1
Author lilywise Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Thank you Lenny, that really helps. I think what I can do now is to put focus on my personal life and career, worry less and just let the relationship works out on its own for a while. I need to work on myself more, need to make myself feel happy and not depending on a guy.
Movingthrough Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 I'm kind of 50/50 on this. What i want to say is if he makes comments like that, makes no effort and seems to just not care, then cut it off. Easier said then done but if he doesn't care - then he doesn't care. The other side of me says it may have slowed down a bit, then you kind of panicked and he just pulled away more. Maybe you should just play his own game and concentrate on you, then he will be forced to see what its like when he makes no effort. 1
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