From the very brink of the 'Epiphany' moment right down to the bottom again.

[Buzzkillington]

God... damnit. I've been reading on here still recently but was feeling better so didn't post much. I was watching TV after a night out the other day, and came to the brink of moving on completely. Honestly, I swear, that feeling was there, and it was amazing. Suddenly my thoughts were all on normal things - people, work, money, fun, friends, whatever, rather than her.

 

My general mood dropped again but was still kind of average-me, so I felt ok. Until a couple of days ago someone mentioned a gig that my ex went to with her boyfriend - I actually felt fine and said I'd rather not talk about it and just want to forget her etc, and the person (not a close friend or anything) said she could understand. So i thought to myself that I must have become a sane human being again after these few months, cool.

 

How come being told about what a great time she'd had at a concert with her boyfriend and some of his friends had little effect on me (and I thought about it afterwards to make sure It wasn't some sick miniature shock session or something, and I was indifferent), and then a friend of mine (who became mutual through our relationship) noting that he might go to a gig with her to see her boyfriend's band threw me completly?

 

There was no reason. I felt fine before. I have just got a new job (albeit a rubbish one, but as a graduate from the UK who didn't go to a top-5 university that's almost a given at the moment) which requires me to be on my toes and deal with the public, and as such requires confidence, something which (seriously, no joke!) I had lots of until this all happened. What the heck's wrong with my brain?! I don't even really know what it is that bothers me about it - maybe that she's involving people I know very well in her new love-life, in a way. Of course everyone knows anyway but it makes it real I suppose - It means that someone who I like, respect, find funny etc seems to think that their relationship is cool and that they're all having fun together as though me and her never happened. Of course they're all thinking sanely and don't live in my now-warped mind.

 

I thought I felt bad pretending we could be friends for a few weeks after we broke up, checking her facebook obsessively and things like that, before getting her out of my life. But its nothing like knowing that on a specific night of a specific week she'll be with him. Yeah I know how stupid that sounds, since they're going to be seeing each other constantly, but it just seems like in some way she'll always come back because everyone I've known since the age of 17 (5 Years ago) knows her. Through me, the idiot who introduced her to them! I'm never going to be able to get away from her. I can't delete and block people who I'm genuinely friends with just because I'm losing it!

 

Yes I'm overthinking things massively, which I hadn't done for a good month or two. What kind of man am I that I still give a damn about this?

 

My friends have been trying to set me up more recently, and I told them of course I'll meet their single friends and have a good time but I'm not looking for anyone, which seemed to suprise them.

 

Oh, and silly little thing - today I was talking to a girl at work, and she kept mentioning her ex boyfriend, in that fake-accidental way, where you want to talk about them like a guilty pleasure and almost can't stop yourself. And it made me think of this site, and how hard everyone has had to work to get over people, since the poor girl was clearly very early on in the process of moving on!

Edited March 1, 2011 by Buzzkillington

[ShatteredReality]

Maybe in this situation it's not her moving on with her life that bothered you - but your friend going and being a part of that life? I mean...you said they became mutual friends through your relationship with her....so maybe you were hoping that would end with your relationship with her also? Perhaps, while you're ready to think of her having moved on, you're not really ready to think of your friends hanging out with her and having a great ole time with some other dude there instead of you.

 

Either way - you've made strides and you've come very far - don't let this knock you back too much. You're doing great and will continue to do so - keep your eyes forward and your head up...maybe take some vitamin D?? lol