skt2020 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 my ex and i broke up a little more than a week ago. We were together for four years. We saw each other sunday so i could get the rest of my stuff back. We were very hesitant about being intimate with each other because we knew it would only lead to hurt feelings and mixed signals. Well, i gave into the temptation and i wanted to share this with you so hopefully this will help some of you not make the same mistake i did. Please, whatever you do, don't give your self physically to your ex. It is something so special and its something that should be shared and earned. I knew going into it that it would not change any circumstances but the lonely, insecure and hurt part of me took over. I thought if i was giving him something physical he wouldn't have a reason to hook up with any other girl and that him wanting me in some way, even if it was physical was better than nothing at all. I also felt that it was one last way to connect. Trust me it wasn't. During the whole thing i started crying, trying to hide it from him. i knew how bad i was hurting myself but i was still going through with it. part of me didn't want him to be mad, part of me wanted to give him something and i also hoped it would connect us someway. Let me tell you it was all wrong. I remember the lighting, the pain, the tears rolling down my cheeks and how i felt so trapped. I didn't want it to end because i knew he would just leave and we would still be over, also because i didn't want to face the fact that i was giving up my dignity and my body for something that wasn't there anymore. I was really f**ked up from it today and literally could not get out of bed all day, it only set me back. for those of you who are getting that anxious feeling, a knot in their stomach because you aren't talking to your ex; know that if you break the nc, unless its a convo about getting back together, don't do it. I was sent 100 steps back because of giving into contacting him and seeing him. Feelings only get hurt, hopes only get up and dignity is lost. At the end of the day you may not be with someone you really love and care about, but at least you can be proud of yourself that you love yourself enough to not talk to your ex. You are worth so much more and even if you are on good terms with them, keeping your dignity and self respect is the one thing that will make you feel better. I feel so hurt and sick about yesterday and i'm trying to forgive myself. Please don't make the same mistake!
Anna86 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Hi, I am so sorry for your pain. Please don't beat yourself up about it. So many people make the same mistake after a break up. Almost everyone I know who broke up ended up with their ex in one way or another after the breakup. It seems like such a natural thing to do. You are only human. Also, you were together for 4 years! That is such a long time. You were only broken up a week? Please don't worry. It is so normal what happened. You won't be set back too much as you are only broken up a week. At least now you won't let it happen three months after break up! If you let it happen then you would be quite set back. Thank you for sharing this, I will meet my ex soon to collect my things. I will make sure he can't lay a finger on me. He would get his way and I would be left alone, empty and broken. I am sure he would go away feeling smug and free. Men are just different to women in that respect, even if they tell you they aren't. Chin up girl!! You are just hurting after the breakup! I promise in time you will feel more yourself. Just remember, no contact with him. I kept contact with my ex and I felt awful. Its been a few days NC and I feel much more in control.
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