purple_cloud Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Up to 4th date with this dude from Match. Everything with him is super casual and not much hope for the future. I always had a feeling that I am chasing him. When we chat online, he would often dissapear without saying good-bye. I am not invested so whatev. We agreed to hang out sometime today but never set the time or place. This was 3 days ago and NC from him in between. I kind of assumed that we are not doing anything because he made no effort to set the exact plans. Just now I get a missed call from him followed by a text: pick you up in 2 hours? ??. I have made other plans already. What should I tell him? I want to keep seeing him casually so don't want to piss him off by breaking plans. At the same time, I can't see him today. How to get out of seeing him today?
Mrlonelyone Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Purple how about telling the truth? You made other plans because you hadn't heard from him.
Lemontang Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Purple how about telling the truth? You made other plans because you hadn't heard from him. Agreed. It might even help him pick up his game a bit too. You don't want to become to available to the extent he can just assume you'll tag with him whenever he wants.
baguette Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Yeah, just tell him you have other plans already. He will either learn to pick up his game or you will see that he is not worth your time.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 OK so I ended up having a text argument with him. I told him that I made other plans because we have never set up anything for sure. He responded with ????? and then followed by that we had plans and he can't believe that I made other plans on the day of "our plans". He got quite upset about it. He also made a point to say that he never canceled on me, re-scheduled etc and that if we agree on doing something on day X, then we are 100% doing something on day X. He asked me to cancel my other plans and see him tonight. I refused. He said that I am rude for doing this and that he doesn't think he can see me anymore. He basically gave me an ultimatum, either I see him tonight or we are through. I held my ground and said that I can see him tomorrow night but not tonight - if that means that we are done so be it. Over an hour later he texts me back with "OK ok. Sorry I over-reacted, tomorrow night it is." I am kind of surprised that he got that upset. Not sure if that means that he cares more than I thought or that he is just a selfish pr^k.
utterer of lies Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I am kind of surprised that he got that upset. Not sure if that means that he cares more than I thought or that he is just a selfish pr^k. Or he might just be pissed that you don't value his word. He did set up something with you, and you doubted it. You could have contacted him too to make sure, and you didn't.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Or he might just be pissed that you don't value his word. He did set up something with you, and you doubted it. You could have contacted him too to make sure, and you didn't. Yeah that's what he said. "You could have contacted me first before making other plans" I am not used to dealing with people who are that straight forward when barely knowing each other. Usually people are all "np" I kind of like it (the straight forwardness). The problem is, I still have a strong feeling that this dude is not that into me.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 I am also used to complete flakiness, even when plans are set in stone. Nowdays, I kind of assume that a person will flake - especially with vague plans.
utterer of lies Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I am also used to complete flakiness, even when plans are set in stone. Nowdays, I kind of assume that a person will flake - especially with vague plans. But this is what made him upset. You group him with all the other losers... I had the same problem sometimes - if I set up something with a girl, it's on unless it's explicitly cancelled. There's no need for daily confirmation.
tb24 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 is it possible he thought you had made firm plans? Just playing devils advocate here really, but sometimes these sorts of miscommunications do happen.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Purple how about telling the truth? You made other plans because you hadn't heard from him. Agreed, I mean, Purple, what other option is there? Were you going to lie to him? Ignore him? Try communication....solves most of the worlds' problems. I can't believe you are asking this on a thread.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Purple allow me to be frank. I had to stop and count to 10 before I wrote that perhaps you should just be honest with him. Here is why. So far every thread I have seen from you is you coming here and asking us for a lie to tell to a guy you don't want to see....because "he's too smart for you" Or for how to deal with a guy who contacts you too much..."that's creepy". Then you get a guy who not unlike myself is a plain old straight dealer who says what he means and means what he says. Someone who does not text you so much that you think it's all "creepy" and "stalkerish". Then you flake on him. You may not think so...but to him that's just what you did. He sounds like just want you did want in a man... a man who barely cares about you and is not that bright. So I suggest you begg him for forgivenss and offer him daily fellatio for a week because you have found your perfect match!
Fondue Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Or he might just be pissed that you don't value his word. He did set up something with you, and you doubted it. You could have contacted him too to make sure, and you didn't. I really like this post. Absolutely true. Sure, there was no contact in between. But you guys DID setup something for this particular day, and you should have honored that. The guy is relying on honesty and at least some commitment on both parties. He just is like that. To him, you guys agreed on something for today and that's it. Like, as if it was penciled in his calendar. Just in many other real world situations, you setup a conference a few days in advance and expect your people to be there.
iJester Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Purple, I think you're right. He does not sound all that interested in you, and his reaction is exactly along the lines of something I'd say to someone I wanted to keep around. If he really felt so strongly about you, he'd be making more effort and you would have no doubts. His overreaction was a result of you wounding his ego, and his subsequent action(agreeing to tomorrow) shows that he wasn't all that hurt, he just wanted his way and thought had you pining over him. Time will certainly tell, and it won't be long; he'll either make more effort and make sure you know how he feels about you, or it will be more of the same.
iJester Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Fondue, you set up a conference a few days in advance...with a definite time and place.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Or he might just be pissed that you don't value his word. He did set up something with you, and you doubted it. You could have contacted him too to make sure, and you didn't. It surprises me that some people expect strangers to just " get them" after 3 dates. I understand where Purple_cloud is coming from- she only made other plans because he was giving off flakey vibes. This is why it's important to confirm dates.
Imajerk17 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Making plans seems to be a lost art. When I make plans with someone, I make sure we set (a) the date and time we are supposed to meet, and (b) the place we are supposed to meet. There's no chance of something like this happening, unless the other party is flakey or has a brain fart. I also have some idea of what we are going to do. As far as who screwed up here, it's hard to say. It usually falls on the guy to make the plans and he didn't do that, on the one hand. But on the other, if you've already gone on 3 dates with him, you also could have been a bit more proactive, and sent him a text earlier saying that a friend asked you to do something that day so can we finalize plans. You did offer another time though. So yes he overreacted. Let it slide this time. Many guys are frustrated dealing with flakey girls, especially online.
Imajerk17 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 If we made plans more than a couple days out I will text the night before to confirm: "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night!"
alethean Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Making plans seems to be a lost art. When I make plans with someone, I make sure we set (a) the date and time we are supposed to meet, and (b) the place we are supposed to meet. There's no chance of something like this happening, unless the other party is flakey or has a brain fart. I also have some idea of what we are going to do. As far as who screwed up here, it's hard to say. It usually falls on the guy to make the plans and he didn't do that, on the one hand. But on the other, if you've already gone on 3 dates with him, you also could have been a bit more proactive, and sent him a text earlier saying that a friend asked you to do something that day so can we finalize plans. You did offer another time though. So yes he overreacted. Let it slide this time. Many guys are frustrated dealing with flakey girls, especially online. Wow...I was just about to say what he said.
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