Layzie89 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 She broke up with me out of the blue...only explanation was she wasn't happy and she didn't know how to talk to me about it. About a month after she broke up with me I see pictures of her and another guy together as her profile picture, and a different picture of him and her together on his profile. I've had a feeling she was gaining interest in this guy because she started going over to her friends dorms more and more (he too lives in the dorms) while we were still together...I deactivated my facebook, deleted all pictures/videos from my phone and computer...boxed up anything that reminded me of her and stuffed it in my closet. Day 24 NC she texted me 'How are you?' I didn't respond, strict NC is my policy. It's been a week since she last reached out and I'm having a weak moment right now...one of my best friends (female) who's also friends with my ex through me texted me saying my ex is planning on moving to another city...and that she seemed really happy and well off as if this breakup didn't even phase her. After reading Gators guide to NC I've always been an advocate..I do believe it's the best way to go but for some reason hearing this news makes me feel the urge that I need to contact her..I need to get that closure that she never gave me before she leaves. Maybe I missed my chance of reconciliation by not responding to her text? damn...what if that was my only shot? I've been so strong the past 31 days but now I feel so weak... Should I contact her? I read another persons post where she wanted to text her bf saying "I feel like we deserved a much better ending then what you gave us" and that's exactly how I feel...sigh. ***
aloneinseattle Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Don't contact her whatever you do. It is about you not about her now, NC is about the healing process, if you call her this will reset everything and the wound (your heart) will begin to bleed again. And if I were you I would not even want to get back with her, after she dogged you for another guy. So do yourself and your heart a favor and be strong. Maybe try changing your number.
Heartbroken30 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I think NC is a good thing to do for yourself, but it all depends on what you want from the other person. If you have gone NC for at least 30 days and they text you "How are you?" like you got...if you are hoping for any kind of reconciliation or at least open up communication with her then responding in a few days is the way to go. Don't make it seem like you are waiting for her message so don't respond right way. If you completely ignore her forever how are you ever going to open up communication again and either get full closure or open up the possibility for a reconciliation in the future. I have been NC with my ex for 21 days now and if he text me something to that effect I would respond in a few days. And make it really short and to the point. Let them ask all the questions. Make it seem like you're busy and not thinking about them.
depplover_1980 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Hi there Layzie, there is no sign she is regretting her decision, especially if you're hearing reports she is looking well and happy. I know it's sad for you, but it is over and nothing you can say would change it. You would put your progress back so much, it would suck to start back at day one - you would be so mad with yourself. Keep going and well done as you seem strong.
Author Layzie89 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks all for the replies. Depp you're right, she is happy and well...no signs of her regretting the decision whatsoever. After thinking about it...I don't even think I'm ready to keep the communication line open between us. I appreciate your input however Heartbroken30...and even if I were to respond back it has been 8 days since I got the text...a tad too late to reply if you ask me. I think I'll be turning this thread into my NC journal...and let you guys know if anything else comes up. For now, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. I bet she's curious as hell as to what I've been up to lately though as I haven't responded to her 'How are you?' text and any mutual friends we have that have been asking how I am have been getting extremely limited info on what I've been up to as of late. Or maybe she doesn't care at all...hmm, who knows. Thanks again.
Movingthrough Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks all for the replies. Depp you're right, she is happy and well...no signs of her regretting the decision whatsoever. After thinking about it...I don't even think I'm ready to keep the communication line open between us. I appreciate your input however Heartbroken30...and even if I were to respond back it has been 8 days since I got the text...a tad too late to reply if you ask me. I think I'll be turning this thread into my NC journal...and let you guys know if anything else comes up. For now, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. I bet she's curious as hell as to what I've been up to lately though as I haven't responded to her 'How are you?' text and any mutual friends we have that have been asking how I am have been getting extremely limited info on what I've been up to as of late. Or maybe she doesn't care at all...hmm, who knows. Thanks again. I feel your pain man, and as hard as it seems...contacting her would do nothing. Keep a few things in mind, NC is not about numbers or days, its about sitting down and saying "if i contact her i will go in a circle and nothing will come from it". I made all the mistakes and i will tell you this, in the long run NC would have been a lot better and contacting her back hoping things would change did nothing. Also realize that things dont always look as they seem, i had a buddy with a PsyD in Psych tell me "Pictures are BS because you are required to smile". So your ex putting up pics looking all great doesnt always mean that. Her text showed you she isnt as moved on as she seems. Will you guys work out again? Who knows, but the reality is you dont want someone in your life that will do this to you. I feel ya man, even as i type this and think of my ex in her photos with her new guy i can feel a little pain. But the logical side of my brain says it is what it is and if i found someone that made me happy i would do the same stuff. We are all humans looking for happiness.
makelemonade1974 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Stay strong with no contact! I think once another person is involved then reconciliation is just not going to happen. I know that's probably not what you want to hear right now - it's certainly not what I wanted to hear the first few months after my breakup. I think the denial phase of the grief process sends you into reconciliation mode - "I don't have to deal with this pain because if I just wait, my partner will come back to me." It sounds like, from what you've said, she may have even been seeing this other person before she left you - or at least thinking about it. I have a similar case in that my ex had an emotional affair (and possibly more) with a married women he is close friends with. She is very beautiful, socially successful and manipulative. I know he is still pretty much under her power and I am terrified of her (which is messed up). My point is, it's the same as if he's in a relationship with her - the emotional affair will continue indefinitely and she will probably always have a hand in his love life. She is (on his side at least) the primary reason that reconciliation is not possible. I know it's tough to go through this grief process, but if you keep in touch with her you are only going to drag it out longer (trust me, I know from experience). For some reason I always seem to crack around day 30 as well - it's like you tell yourself "I went a whole month! I deserve contact" - like your ex is chocolate and you are on a diet. You need to treat her like a toxic addiction. Keeping no contact is the only way you are going to heal and the only way to keep your pride intact. Walk away with your head held high. No contact is like saying "I am no longer going to let you treat me like crap and you no longer deserve my attention" or "If you don't want me as your BF you can't have me at all." I hope that helps. I've never gone more than a month NC and I'm 5 months out. I'm on day 5, hoping to make it to 60 days and then to forever. You are not the only one going through this. Hang in there.
wmrjw82 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Hi Layzie, It sounds from your post that we are in the exact same situation. I just reached 31 days of NC today. My ex sent me 2 txt's on Feb. 9th. I never replied, just as you didn't. I, too, am now feeling regret as if i've blown my only opportunity of reconcialition. I want closure or atleast something that makes me feel better. I want to let her know that I accept whatever she feels and that i'm not bitter. I want her to know how I feel about her because the only thing she ever heard from me in the 2 weeks after our breakup (before I initiated the NC) was begging and pleading. I want her to know i'm not that way anymore. I've had a month to step back and maturily see the situation and be more objective about it instead of me saying "how can you do this to me?"... I feel as if I dont send this email and let her know this she will always remember me in that light. And who would ever want to go back to that? I want to know if there's another chance for us. But each day passes, and its always the same. Nothing from her and I doubt at this point anything ever will. God i'm as lost and hurt as you my friend...
Author Layzie89 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Thanks lemonade and wmr for your replies. I've been following your threads as well and I take comfort knowing that theres others going through strangely similar situations. You're right lemonade...I guess it's something about hitting the one month mark of NC where people tend to break down a bit...maybe due to the realization that the relationship really IS over. Day 34 NC - A friend came over and went on his facebook on my computer. While he was in the bathroom I made the mistake of looking at my ex's facebook through his account....I saw an album of pictures of her and that guy...cuddling, kissing, hugging like they were having some photo session on a macbook or something. At first I was hurting..but the hurt didn't last as long as I thought. By the time I was done going through the album I was already over it. I think this is real progress I'm making. I shouldn't have looked at her facebook, but I did. And to be honest, I think I'm better off after seeing those pictures. THe curiosity of whether or not they are going out is gone..my mind doesn't need to wander anymore. I think I can use this as my closure, FINALLY. On top of that..the guy looks like a total queer. DOWNGRADE? Her smiles/kisses looked really fake in the pictures as well, almost as if she was forcing herself to look happy. But this is just me over analyzing things... thanks for listening.
TurboGirl Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 when you wrote that you felt you deserved a better end, I understand exactly how you feel about that. The "ending" is for you, not for her. However, she doesn't seem to give a rat's butt. I was treated this way also, and struggled for a long time over it. But eventually came to see that this person was an avoider, and didn't want to or care enough to deal with my emotions and how I was feeling, etc. That leaving & just dropping you without an explanation of some sort is very high school. She is an idiot, forget her. Keep up the good work on the NC. Yes, I know how hard it is. Been there. All the pics on facebook, yep, this one is REALLY into herself and does give a fig about you. Glad you didn't respond to the text. If she REALLY wanted to get you and talk with you, she would call you or come & find you. All the text meant was that she was bored and you popped into her head, and she thought, Oh, why not? I'll throw him a crumb of my attention. NC NC NC !!!!! Stay strong!
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