Author Jessica232 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 So you and her "loving" hubby are having a relationship and the two of you decided she was in love with MM...that doesn't make it so. sigh. Man, I love the assumptions on this board. No one seems to really read replies, they just post what "could be". Sweetie, it was about a year before I even knew MM when I noticed his W's overeager interaction on FB. I thought it was very weird an inappropriate at the time. When I asked MM about it, he wasn't happy or gloating or "trying to sweet talk me". He answered me like it hurt him, as it should. MM IS a loving husband. He has tried his best. He is very warm, affectionate, and emotional. W is a cold Aquarius. Enough said. As I stated in previous posts, I have seen real time text messages where W calls MM awful names and tells him she wants a divorce. I was told by the best friend well before MM and I got involved that MM's wife hates him and has made him sleep on the sofa for years. I've heard the best friend make fun of MM for having no sex in his life, and not having anyone, even his W, in love with him. It's funny to me that W doesn't mind that her H goes out "tv shopping" or "grocery shopping" every weekend night. Doesn't notice he often leaves in the middle of the night for hours on end. Makes her leave social functions abruptly, only to "go shopping" immediately when they get home (due to my demand), doesn't care that H bails on the yearly New Years Eve party with their friends to suddenly want to go alone to a sporting event overnight, and lastly doesn't mind spending Valentine's Day alone. I'd say W is pretty uninvolved/indifferent to what H is doing. Regardless of me, I'm pretty certain this sham of a marriage is almost over. She asked for a divorce before, and realized with two young kids on a teacher's salary it would be pretty rough. It's only a matter of time. I think I'm pretty much done posting here. I came here searching for others who have had similar things happen. I certainly haven't found that. Almost all of these posts are people just wanting to throw their two cents in on what type of guy MM is. No one knows him, and every situation is different. I KNOW he's a good guy, I know he loves me, and I know he is trying to do what is right for his kids, and so is his W. I have lived my life the past four years in a relationship that is dead, just to give my child an intact family unit. Now that my child is a little older, and questions why we don't have a normal romantic relationship, I see that staying together isn't the best thing. MM's kids are 2 and 4, and he believes an intact family unit is best for his kids at this point, which I totally get. And unlike some parents, the thought of not seeing his kids every single day kills him. We certainly made a mistake by getting involved, but I know how much he has struggled with it. I'm not moving on because he's a jerk, or a liar, or a horrible husband. I'm moving on because it's the best thing for me right now. It's natural to use personal experience when replying to posts, but please everyone, try to be a bit more open minded. Not every MM/MW is a horrible cheating liar. So many here come across so bitter, and it's so unfortunate. I'm glad I out of my situation (only 7 months together) before I got that point.
bentnotbroken Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Man, I love the assumptions on this board. No one seems to really read replies, they just post what "could be". Sweetie, it was about a year before I even knew MM when I noticed his W's overeager interaction on FB. I thought it was very weird an inappropriate at the time. When I asked MM about it, he wasn't happy or gloating or "trying to sweet talk me". He answered me like it hurt him, as it should. MM IS a loving husband. He has tried his best. He is very warm, affectionate, and emotional. W is a cold Aquarius. Enough said. As I stated in previous posts, I have seen real time text messages where W calls MM awful names and tells him she wants a divorce. I was told by the best friend well before MM and I got involved that MM's wife hates him and has made him sleep on the sofa for years. I've heard the best friend make fun of MM for having no sex in his life, and not having anyone, even his W, in love with him. It's funny to me that W doesn't mind that her H goes out "tv shopping" or "grocery shopping" every weekend night. Doesn't notice he often leaves in the middle of the night for hours on end. Makes her leave social functions abruptly, only to "go shopping" immediately when they get home (due to my demand), doesn't care that H bails on the yearly New Years Eve party with their friends to suddenly want to go alone to a sporting event overnight, and lastly doesn't mind spending Valentine's Day alone. I'd say W is pretty uninvolved/indifferent to what H is doing. Regardless of me, I'm pretty certain this sham of a marriage is almost over. She asked for a divorce before, and realized with two young kids on a teacher's salary it would be pretty rough. It's only a matter of time. I think I'm pretty much done posting here. I came here searching for others who have had similar things happen. I certainly haven't found that. Almost all of these posts are people just wanting to throw their two cents in on what type of guy MM is. No one knows him, and every situation is different. I KNOW he's a good guy, I know he loves me, and I know he is trying to do what is right for his kids, and so is his W. I have lived my life the past four years in a relationship that is dead, just to give my child an intact family unit. Now that my child is a little older, and questions why we don't have a normal romantic relationship, I see that staying together isn't the best thing. MM's kids are 2 and 4, and he believes an intact family unit is best for his kids at this point, which I totally get. And unlike some parents, the thought of not seeing his kids every single day kills him. We certainly made a mistake by getting involved, but I know how much he has struggled with it. I'm not moving on because he's a jerk, or a liar, or a horrible husband. I'm moving on because it's the best thing for me right now. It's natural to use personal experience when replying to posts, but please everyone, try to be a bit more open minded. Not every MM/MW is a horrible cheating liar. So many here come across so bitter, and it's so unfortunate. I'm glad I out of my situation (only 7 months together) before I got that point. Sweetie, these are your words Sigh. Like I said in another post, well before MM and I had any relationship, before I even really knew him (I knew the best friend first), I saw the interaction from MM's W on his best friend's FB, and wondered if she was in love with the best friend. It's very obvious. I recently asked MM if W is in love with the best friend, and he said, yes, I believe so. You stated you wondered, and said it was obvious...to you...hmmm. Then you said you asked her "loving' husband and he said he believed so. So it seems no of you asked her a dang thing. You all made "assumptions" about her feelings, in her head and her heart, about somebody else. What was this brilliant hubby of hers going to say...No of course not, she only loves me. :DHe has to make his story of the "poor put upon martyr" look good. By definition if he is cheating and the spouse does not know....he is a lying.
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I stated in previous posts, I have seen real time text messages where W calls MM awful names and tells him she wants a divorce. I was told by the best friend well before MM and I got involved that MM's wife hates him and has made him sleep on the sofa for years. I've heard the best friend make fun of MM for having no sex in his life, and not having anyone, even his W, in love with him. You sure it's his wife? He could have very well put a number/name in that was his wife's making it seem like it's her. Did he volunteer the texts for you to see, or did you just happen to see his messages? Makes a difference. Or were you present when he was texting with her? Anyway, if what you've said is true, they will divorce whether you are in the picture or not. Though, he still goes home to her.. They still do family outings, and he hasn't told his wife "I want a divorce, I'm speaking to lawyer.." He still is married and very much at home. I wouldn't listen to what the BF has to say, he isn't a fly on the wall. Only MM and his wife know what goes on behind closed doors. I smell an exaggeration! Not from you, but from MM and his BF. Something just feels slightly off with the info that you know. PS cold aquarian? I'm aquarious, so just wondering what you meant by this.
pureinheart Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) I'm baffled by my MM's behavior since I told his W about our relationship. We spoke a few days after I emailed her, and he was very hurt. He met me, and we talked for about an hour. We didn't talk for week. I ended up checking in on him, because I was worried, and to be honest, I missed him. We ended up talking again, in depth. He said that he could not continue the lying, and that I needed to let him go. He said he didn't know what was going to happen with his M, but that he felt he could never trust me. There were a lot of tears and hugs, and it felt like a goodbye. We work together, and since then he has emailed me and come around to talk, but if I try to talk about personal things between he and I, I don't get a response. I'm not really sure what I want, but I would certainly like to understand him more. Is it normal for a MM to not hate you if you tell the W?? I do know I cannot be with him like before, but I haven't yet given up the hope that things will work out. Normally, I don't go for telling the BS for many reasons...every situation is different though. In your case I had to take a step back when I read the bold...trust YOU. This sounds arrogant to me, even if there were tears. I think he has little right to say that to you, although he has asked you to let him go and that needs to be respected IMO. I haven't read your thread, just a couple of posts, may I ask why you told her? Was your heart in the right place? was it a vindictive act or a desire for his W to know for her? One time I threatened to tell SO (exDM) exW (then W), I never would have though...he would not leave me alone when I requested him to, and I felt backed in a corner...I know, empty threats are just that empty. I called his house on 3 different occasions during the A, and had very good reasons. he never held it against me (and didn't have a right to anyway IMO). Edited March 4, 2011 by pureinheart
pureinheart Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 At the moment in time I did it, I was very mad and just fed up with the situation. I definitely wanted out of the situation at that moment, but now looking back I think I wanted to force his hand, and I honestly never thought he and I would end, no matter what happened. OK that answered my question...hey hang in there and eat the chicken and spit out the bones when it comes to this particular board. I understand. I wanted to tell her so bad sometimes, although my heart was in the wrong place because I just wanted revenge where both of them were concerned. Actually it would have played into their unusual desire for drama, so I was infact robbing her mainly of the desired drama. Jessica, I hope you continue to share your R, or exR as the case may be, to share your feelings about the day to day happenings, which during this time can be very important...although as far as support, there might not be much of that, but if you can hang in there until you get PM (Established Member) rights, then possibly it will get better as far as support goes. Apologies for my posts being so dry...I feel dry tonight...((((((((hugs))))))))
Carrot2000 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 And maybe I did want to hurt her a bit too. She has hurt MM so much. She is verbally abusive, treats him like a slave, has been emotionally withdrawn for years, and is in love with his best friend. I have seen text messages between them where she belittles him, and has told him she wants a divorce. I have seen the interaction between her and his best friend on FB, where I wondered if she was in love with him well before he and I got involved. He is constantly cleaning their house, cooking their food, and sleeps on the sofa despite having back issues now due to years of it. I know these things for a fact. I really don't like the person she is, and I hate the way she treats him, which I told her in the email. I told her I was letting him go, and to get her act together and realize what she has before she loses him. Pure, I suppose you missed the part where she admits telling the W about the affair out of anger and spite. I can't blame you; it's a long thread!
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 although as far as support, there might not be much of that, but if you can hang in there until you get PM (Established Member) rights, then possibly it will get better as far as support goes. Apologies for my posts being so dry...I feel dry tonight... All I have to say is, everybody is supporting her and it may not be the advice you personally would give her, but it isn't fair to tell her she's not getting any support from this place. Sorry Pure, take the time to read her thread and you'll see some good solid advice has been given, due to her situation with her MM. Actions speak louder than words and if her MM's marriage is THAT bad and is on the verge of divorce, it'll happen. The thing is, he hasn't made a move to do so, nor has he before the A started. He's still at home, doing family stuff, family outings. Sadly, I can't encourage her to hang onto her MM and give her tons of hope by what MM's bestfriend tells her. She, nor the BF are privvy to conversations and the life behind closed doors between MM and his wife. They can assume and only go on what they've been told, and overall, in my opinion, something just feels 'off' about her MM and real truth of his marriage.
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