Isolde Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 This is something I've never quite been able to grasp. Are relationships really something you get better at with time? I guess what I am saying is whether self monitoring of past mistakes really helped people find the right long term match in the end or whether it was really just the compatibility smoothing over both partners' rough spots.
eerie_reverie Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 (edited) sorry.............................. Edited March 1, 2011 by eerie_reverie srong thread!
threebyfate Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Tough question since there's no universal or even generalized answer. There are so many types of people. Some learn, some cycle, some deteriorate and some retreat back into their wombs. Compatibility and peace matter to some, while others revel in dysfunction since it gives them the drama hit they crave. Wish I could give you an easy or complete answer but the more I write, the more the possibilities and conditions branch out.
Author Isolde Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Hey tbf! Good to see you around again here and there. I agree, the possibilities are endless. To narrow this down, can we limit the discussion to reasonably balanced individuals, who search for peace?
johan Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I've gotten to be quite good at breakups. And actually, I've learned a lot about relationships as well, but of course the proof is in the pudding. Whatever that means.
eerie_reverie Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 In most cases with the relationship ending, you can learn about what your dealbreakers are. My favorite kind of learning though is the type you do by nature of being exposed to someone and his lifestyle, values, and interests for long enough. From various ex-boyfriends I learned: how to drive, ski, drink, punch, fake confidence. I also learned I liked country music.
threebyfate Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Thought about it a bit more and realized something. The ones who learn aren't necessarily learning from multiple relationships, they're learning about themselves.
eerie_reverie Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Thought about it a bit more and realized something. The ones who learn aren't necessarily learning from multiple relationships, they're learning about themselves. Yah... but what other kind of learning is there??
threebyfate Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Sorry Isolde for being rude. It's good to see you too. When I saw your thread, I had to read and post since your threads are always interesting.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Yah... but what other kind of learning is there?? Learning about others and learning about situations. The answer to OP's questions is this.... Yes we get better at relationships. It's as important to understand your partner as it is to understand yourself. Wisdom comes from many sources... being IN a relationship isn't the only way to grow.
810 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Learning about others and learning about situations. this. and learning about yourself as well.
Author Isolde Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Sorry Isolde for being rude. It's good to see you too. When I saw your thread, I had to read and post since your threads are always interesting. Not rude. Thanks!
Eeyore79 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 I think you do get better at relationships with time. You learn what you do and don't want in another person, and you learn what your dealbreakers are, thus allowing you to choose better partners. You also learn how to handle conflict. how to be tactful, and how to prioritize someone else before yourself. You learn how to be unselfish and thoughtful, and how to keep someone happy sexually. Of course, there will always be some people who refuse to learn and who keep repeating the same mistakes!
Author Isolde Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 (edited) The answer to OP's questions is this.... Yes we get better at relationships. It's as important to understand your partner as it is to understand yourself. For sure, an understanding of other people can really be honed by a relationship. It's putting this into perspective that can be challenging, since no two people are really alike. The learning about yourself is a separate component but not entirely, since learning about yourself AS YOU RELATE TO OTHERS is an aspect of it, since relationships tend to involve so much closeness. I guess one can choose what to do with this information. Going back to what Eeyore said, balancing your needs vs. someone else's is something that relationships teach more fully than, say, friendships. The reason I posted this thread is because there is so much introspection on LS, people trying to find their problem spots as a result of relationships that don't work out. It's as if people are anchoring to these reference points, which can be immensely helpful but also can be stagnating and discouraging. It's also worth noting that for some people wisdom helps us understand compatibility better but for others, compatibility precedes wisdom. Edited March 2, 2011 by Isolde
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