califsb Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Back ground: Orginally i was the one who actually had told her i need to get off the rollercoaster a month ago.. so techincally she did not break up with me but she kept saying she does not want a R and but she also did not have to guts to let me go. So I took a week off to think about it and I came to the point that i was sick of the rollercoaster... and then told her I needed to move on and stop enabling her from beign "stuck". We get along great and are like best freinds and there was much romance but she started to get hot and cold and threw me off. She wanted parts of the R but not some parts of it.. and was giving major mixed messages. she felt she was not ready for a full R and needed to find herslef before she could be a "we". So i took the bull and told her we needed a time out or a break. but it really is a break up. I broke NC after 3 weeks last week and met her for 2 hours in person. very good talk but I lost my power and she wants to be friends and I agreed like a fool. she contacted me today on FB via email. She had first said, she would contact me in a few weeks. But she has seee me be very active on FB and even had some pics posted by others not be at a party where a few girls with me. Yesterday she did a likes on my page for a event i was having to help the homeless and today.. a week after we last meet.. first thing in the morning I get this. " Hey there! Hope things are going well and moving along with the job interviews. Just wanted to see if you wanted to get together Wed night to grab a drink and catch up?"" She wants to be friends cause she kept saying i dont want this "right now".. and she wants to keep her options open and wants to hang out wtih me and my huge circule of friends... all positive stuff for her to stay "friends" with me. She knows i am crazy about her.. I wrote her back// "Hey ya.. Cant this week I got allot going on. " If she comes back she has to come back ready for a full R and a part of me knows I have to play tough love and NC. Please help any advice or thoughts would help. I know we have something and she knows to know my value.. everyone says I did the right thing and so proud I had the guts to call her out and not fall into her selfish wanting to be with me on her terms.. Please please help..
D-Lish Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I'll tell you, remaining friends with someone you love, when they can't reciprocate, is not the healthy choice. If you accept crumbs, you're consenting to accepting much less than you deserve. Sometimes you have to take a stand, even if it's a difficult one. It really comes down to respecting yourself. In situations like this you have to separate your heart and your head in order to come up with the right decision. If you had to give a stranger advice on this situation, what answers would you come up with? The right choice is rarely the easy choice, but it's always the best choice in the end.
Author califsb Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 How do you feel about me stating I was busy and not meeting her wed.. she has never had me reject her before.
heartshaped Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I agree with D-Lish, but also, I have to add that if she really isn't ready for a relationship [meaning this isn't just some line she's giving you and the real reason is something else] then I don't think it would be wise to play some games to try to get her to commit to you. When a person isn't ready for a relationship and end up in one it never ends well. You have to truly be in a good emotional place to be ready for a relationship and the only person who knows if someone is ready for a relationship is that person. I suggest you cut contact and move on.
Author califsb Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 she wants to be friends and get her cake and eat it and and also is confused about me.. she said she would call me in a few weeks..and in one week contcacts me? Not even for lunch or hike like we talked about.. but drinks??? The whole time she was giving me mixed messages.. we have too many common friends to cut all ties.. wht if in the weeks away from me and me not being around her and seeing I am actually moving on.. and being my old self.. via my fb its obvious I am staying positive and tryig to move on.. I have never said no to her.. and now she is getting to really see how she feels without me in her life.. and she keeps trying to reach out to me..
wildcars Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 In your case, carry on the way you do... People only want what they can't have! I know this, cause my ex reached out to me last week, but i bit the crumbs and am back to square one, i'm back to NC. But this time it's to heal... But go NC for a week, and then LC with her, and see where that takes you.. I like the fact that you rejected her, which means that you have more respect for yourself, and that you not running after her.. I'm pretty sure she's thinking, wtf, who does he think he is, you'll be on her mind! Trust me!
NoMagicBullet Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 If you're not going to be available to her, do it for yourself and only for yourself. Maybe she is missing you, but maybe she just misses the way life was when you two were together. After any breakup, there is some sort of readjustment period, and even with a horrible ex there can be things about being with that person that one misses or feels they've lost. I hate to say it, but from your description of things, it seems like she may have stayed with you because life while being with you had certain advantages or things she liked, but for whatever reason, she just couldn't get to the right place mentally and emotionally where she could have a relationship with you. It's possible she may realize that she really does miss you and not just being with you, but don't hold your breath and don't trick yourself into believing that being unavailable will cause her to want a relationship with you. By itself, it won't. I think you're better off going NC and truly moving on to someone who does want a relationship.
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