Saphira Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Sorry about the length. i tried to make it reading friendly :l Im 19 years old, Female and in college. I have been in a 2 year relationship with the man i thought i would spend the rest of my life with (yes i know im young). he broke up with me two days after this valentines, 2011. We had been going through a little bit of distance problems. he was being distant and i asked him about it. he said he was sorry and would work on it and it wouldnt be there for long. but them he broke up with me a few days later. He said that although he knew i was the woman he wanted to spend his life with, it was so soon. he said he thought he would be like 24 and meet this amazing woman that he would fall in love with and marry, but that he already found me. and that he didnt expect to find me at 17 (thats when we started dating). He said that he we were both in college and he didn't want me to feel tied down, and that he loves me and always will. when he broke up with me he said that he couldnt be with me while he was still working on him. that he needs to find what he wants to do and be in life. he then started to call me about 3 days after and just talk like we were friends. i asked him about it and he said it wasnt weird because we were friends before we started dating (3 years in fact). but i expressed how it was weird for me and i wasnt sure i could do it because i know i will always want more. my problem, other then a broken heart, is he doesn't know if the break up is permanent or temporary, and how long it will take to find out. he still calls me and we chat. i am trying to just be his friend. i haven't figured out if it hurts more to be in his life and want more but not have it, or not to have him in my life at all. and my other problem is, do i wait? dont get me wrong im not jumping into another relationship real soon. but if he isn't sure how long it will take, or if its permanent or not should i wait? i love this man with all my heart but what if i spend all this time waiting and when he is done figuring himself out he doesn't want me and i wasted all this time (however much time passes). And should i continue to be his friend. if he starts dateing others then i dont think i will be moving on with him there all the time. idk im confused. any advice is welcome, please. and thanks for sticking in with the reading.
Author Saphira Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 any suggestions please. would greatly appreciate it
hopeful4someday Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Be careful is my only advice. He may be saying that, and he may mean it, but it sounds like he's saying that he wants to go play the field and he may or may not come back for you. I'm not saying it to be harsh, but I know we women can be experts at negotiating with ourselves when it comes to what our men really mean by what they say. I can tell you what I've learned from my forays into the dating pool: - Men don't like to hurt your feelings. They will start texting and calling for reassurance that you're still friends, because they don't like to feel bad for hurting you. - You need to enforce some space. Otherwise, you're going to be waiting and robbing yourself of a chance to find someone you might actually love more. I know he seems like Mr. Right, but if he truly is, you'll wind up together even if you make the decision now to move on. I know it's hard to hear, but actions speak much louder than words. He can say he loves you a million times, but he's choosing to leave and that means something. Learn something from your time together, but for now, let him go. If you know you'll want more if you keep talking, you owe it to yourself to protect yourself and move on.
Author Saphira Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 thank you. and i have felt the same way about the playing the field. so no harshness taken. I do honestly believe that he ment what he said about being with me long term. but because of the reason he gave me it felt like he wanted a break not to find himself but to experience other people before settling down. and if that is the case then i dont want to be waiting while he goes and has his fun with other women. I will not have that. and i do need to talk with him about the space. i know it may sound selfish but, i cant just have a part of him. i want all of him. and if i cant have that. then it will only hurt me pretending im just s friend. thank you for your advice. xD
hopeful4someday Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 i know it may sound selfish but, i cant just have a part of him. i want all of him. and if i cant have that. then it will only hurt me pretending im just s friend. I don't think that's selfish... I think it's the way we're wired to love. It would be so easy if we could just tell ourselves how to feel and have our hearts do what we want. Hang in there -- it'll all turn out the way it's supposed to!
Author Saphira Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 ha, yeah, if only our hearts listened. lol
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