ally21 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 My ex and I were together for two years, and he proposed to me two weeks before I broke up with him. He was extremely emotionally abusive. Since we have been broken up, we fell back into bed together a month ago, but only twice. I called that off, quick. We defriended each other on Facebook, and he continues to block/unblock me. He posted our songs, hate songs, songs that said he didn't care about me... Everything he could do. We stopped talking to each other - official NC - about 2 weeks ago. He had me blocked until about 3 nights ago. Where you can put your mobile number, he posted his number like this: 102-212-1234 102-212-1234 102-212-1234 102-212-1234 He just got a new phone... and I only took that as if it's his way of saying, "HEY! Call me/text me, something!!" - I have not shown any emotion whatsoever about any of his postings. He does not know I even look. I don't want you all to think I have no life, and haven't been doing things to keep myself busy. It was just one of those lonely -once in a while- nights I noticed this stuff. Anyway - he unblocked me about 3 nights ago, and now he still posts abstract things, but you can tell that he's hurting; but he's never on FB anymore. I am just wondering if this is his way of giving up? What do you guys think? I know that he wants me back, but he is not taking any real action to show it. What should I do? P.S. If you think I need to let him go, tell me how. Not that I do. lol. <3
tommy.is.my.name Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I think the ball is in your court. I mean you broke up with him. Has he reached out to you and stated that he wants another chance? If not, perhaps he is afraid he will push you away by doing so. Do you still love him? Are there any actions that you need him to take to show he loves you and wants you back? I would say call him and tell him what you want and expect from him. If he lives you he will do his damndest to make you happy.
Johnny85 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I am kind of in the same situation as your ex boyfriend and have had my ex contact me after a few weeks of NC through text. She was very sweet, but then seemed to have changed her mind within a few days. I do not want to push her away by contacting her anymore. So I told her that the ball is in her court and when she feels that she is ready to talk, she can call me. If I were you, I would make up my mind about what you really want. If you feel that he is willing to change, I propose therapy. If you want him back, just talk to him and tell him how you feel. No games, just be straight forward with him. It will make the process a lot easier for the both of you, and you will know what to expect in the future without walking around wondering what could have been.
Author ally21 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 I appreciate the replies. I should add that this is not the first time we have broken up. We broke up 6 months ago, but got back together. That time I did everything I could for us to get back together - begged, pleaded, apologized, took the blame, drove to see him, etc. When we got back together after about a month of that, he took full advantage of the control he had over me. He basically knew he could get away with whatever he wanted, and became emotionally abusive. I left not wanting to be over, or done, but just to see if he missed/cared about me. I realize this is a control issue, now. I guess I feel I am in limbo. I know I want him back, but I feel like I left to know if he cared about me - that if I go back pleading again, it will just keep being this vicious loop. Are there any cues I should pick up on, or anything? Any cues I can give him? It just seems he's finally given up, which might be the case. I just want to know, without giving him the power to control me, anymore. =/
heartshaped Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Are there any cues I should pick up on, or anything? Any cues I can give him? It just seems he's finally given up, which might be the case. I just want to know, without giving him the power to control me, anymore. =/ Telling him how you feel does not give him the power to control you. Someone can control you only if you let them and honestly, this relationship sounds toxic. The two of you have broken up twice now, he was emotionally abusive, and you feel that you have to fight for control in this relationship. I don't understand what is even worth going back to. I think you should do him and yourself a favor and continue with NC and move on with your life.
Author ally21 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 I agree with you, heart... Everything rational in me knows to tap out, and call it... Too bad your heart isn't rational, it's reactive. I'm trying to let go. It's just really hard.
tommy.is.my.name Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 It is hard letting go whether you're the dumper or dumped. My ex, before this one, I dumped. It took me a good six months to get over it. I couldn't stop thinking about her. But the relationship was toxic. She was great, but way too possessive and controlling. I tried to work it out but my heart was divided. Funny thing is, my current ex pretty much dumped me the same way I dumper the previous one. What goes around... I didn't realize that your ex played with your emotions like that. I dunno, I still say if you love him and think he is capable of being the man you want and need, then go out on a limb and give him another chance. But make clear the standards that you want and deserve.
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