810 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) I recently encountered in this situation and I have to say, it scares me down to the very core right now. What is wrong with him? This is sick. I knew him for a long time and I guess I didn't really know him then. We were friends. The past couple of months I was bombarded with emails and messages from him. I told him I was too busy to reply to them. But then he was being pushy in his messages so I decided to ask him to leave me alone. And yet he kept sending me emails and IMs. He knew when I was online after I blocked him on the IM. What set him off was the morning he found out I blocked him from fb. That morning, I received text messages from him, to which I ignored, and then I saw him sitting in his car in front of my house when I was leaving for work so I knew I can't ignore him anymore. I called him out on his action and told him one last time to leave me alone. Good thing is I don't see him sitting in his car in front of my house anymore after that but he did send the last email saying that I shouldn't be punishing him for caring too much and that he wishes my luck in life even if I don't want him as a friend. It was just three days ago from the last contact but I have to scan my environment twice before I enter or leave my house/car/work because we used to work together too. I plan to report to the police if and when I receive any forms of contact from him again. And what is wrong with me that I attract people like that? As if I have not had enough stress in my life, people like him have to add more to it. This has made me sick to my stomach. I think that I got a little paranoid right now when I'm in a public place. I'm afraid to bump into him now. I even get scared to check my texts every time my phone dings because I'm afraid it might be from him. Why do people do that to people? Seriously, I think I might need to see a counselor for this sort of thing now. It is not healthy. I so do not need things like this happening in my life. It ain't no love nor friendship if you scare people the way he did to me. ....me just venting.. Edited February 28, 2011 by 810
ShatteredReality Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 So my ex BIL did that sort of stuff to my sister after she left. We shared an apt for a time while she was getting on her feet and such...we would decide we wanted ice cream or pop corn or something and I would leave to go to the store and catch him outside of our (bottom floor) apt in the bushes or trying to run away when he heard the door and go around the corner to his car. A few times I spoke with him briefly when he realized it was me and not her - he would ask what we were doing and how was she and was she wearing red? He thought he saw red through the blinds...we kept everything closed off pretty much and I was not walking around naked when I was home alone just in case...it was kinda creepy. I told her a bit about it, but she was so stressed I didn't tell her every time I caught him. It would have been just one more thing. He stopped, though, after awhile. Mostly I think for him it was a control thing...he controlled her their entire R and when he didn't have that any more he went a little nuts. Hopefully your guy is just being like that - harmless and a little nutty - but it will die with the feelings....once he has a new obsession you'll be fine.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 NOW what you describe in these threads that is stalking. Here's what real cyberstalking is like. There are people on the internet I disagreed with on Wikipedia. For my not going along with their ideas about a certain subject the collected nude images of me, posted false information about me, and have had a concerted effort to make sure that said "information" was Googleable by using my real name. The police say that nothing can be done about it because it does not involve "unwanted contact". All of that without sending any text, emails or anything else.
glimmer Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I recently encountered in this situation and I have to say, it scares me down to the very core right now. What is wrong with him? This is sick. I knew him for a long time and I guess I didn't really know him then. We were friends. The past couple of months I was bombarded with emails and messages from him. I told him I was too busy to reply to them. But then he was being pushy in his messages so I decided to ask him to leave me alone. And yet he kept sending me emails and IMs. He knew when I was online after I blocked him on the IM. What set him off was the morning he found out I blocked him from fb. That morning, I received text messages from him, to which I ignored, and then I saw him sitting in his car in front of my house when I was leaving for work so I knew I can't ignore him anymore. I called him out on his action and told him one last time to leave me alone. Good thing is I don't see him sitting in his car in front of my house anymore after that but he did send the last email saying that I shouldn't be punishing him for caring too much and that he wishes my luck in life even if I don't want him as a friend. It was just three days ago from the last contact but I have to scan my environment twice before I enter or leave my house/car/work because we used to work together too. I plan to report to the police if and when I receive any forms of contact from him again. And what is wrong with me that I attract people like that? As if I have not had enough stress in my life, people like him have to add more to it. This has made me sick to my stomach. I think that I got a little paranoid right now when I'm in a public place. I'm afraid to bump into him now. I even get scared to check my texts every time my phone dings because I'm afraid it might be from him. Why do people do that to people? Seriously, I think I might need to see a counselor for this sort of thing now. It is not healthy. I so do not need things like this happening in my life. It ain't no love nor friendship if you scare people the way he did to me. ....me just venting.. he did send the last email saying that I shouldn't be punishing him for caring too much and that he wishes my luck in life even if I don't want him as a friend. I had a stalker once who said that same thing. It's an attempt to manipulate you into thinking that it must be okay to let them plow your boundaries down. That's not normal behavior. He's mentally unstable. The BEST thing you can do is ignore, ignore, ignore. Pretend he nor anything he does exists. He will eventually go away. I know it feels scary. I use to get panic attacks because I was so alarmed. He wants you to freak and give in even just to yell at him (he would even like that not caring what youre actually requesting of him). Just ignore.
Lovelybird Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Nothing wrong with you, I understand how you feel. Let many people know this situation, accompany people when he appears. A stalker in real life cannot see your fear and feeling of being depressed, he only sees his bruised ego.
Author 810 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm sorry but I'm so upset right now that I want to cry. I just received another text from him saying "sorry to bug you but i have the information that might help you on ____. do you want to give it a shot? please (my name)" I'm going to ignore him. ignore him and ignore him. this is too much. I'm going to go home, go to my closet and scream in there. I'll let more people know about this for security purposes and my sanity.
GooseChaser Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Last year I took a Psychology course, and my professor gave my class advice on how to deal with stalkers. I'm going to list a few things that I learned there. In the case that you have to go to the authorities about it, it is important to keep evidence of the stalking: letters, text messages, emails, etc. You should also send a "clear, polite, brief message" (quoted from my notes) to the person, telling them to stop and that their communications are unwelcome. If the stalker persists, the next place to go is the police. If that doesn't work, the next step is court. If all else fails, you have the option to move away from the stalker. While this option is a last resort, of course, this option is effective most of the time because most people aren't willing to make the effort to move to stalk someone.
cerridwen Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 This is scary. I wonder if there's an expert on stalking you can consult with??? Or, is what GooseChaser suggests the extent of it.
Author 810 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 In the case that you have to go to the authorities about it, it is important to keep evidence of the stalking: letters, text messages, emails, etc. You should also send a "clear, polite, brief message" (quoted from my notes) to the person, telling them to stop and that their communications are unwelcome. I sent him a text right after I saw him that morning. It was after him requesting to call me and before his last email. I wrote: "I thought I saw you in your car sitting across from my house. don't do that anymore. and no, do not contact me. I've told you 2x that I'd like to be alone so please, leave me alone." Please tell me that my text/message was clear of requesting to have no contacts from him. Since past week, I saved his text messages and sent to my email and his last email. I will do again with this recent text. He knows where I work, should I change job as well? This is bull. No caring person do crap like this to people they care about.
GooseChaser Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Sounds very clear to me! Good job! I'm glad to hear that you are saving the messages. That is good too! To be honest, I am not sure whether or not you should quit your job; that decision is up to you and how you're feeling about the situation. However, I would recommend that you go to the police first, bring your evidence to show to them, and get help from them. They are the professionals, and can advise you about the choices available to you better than I can. They may suggest seeking a restraining order to force him to keep his distance.
lilymore Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Nothing wrong with you, I understand how you feel. Let many people know this situation, accompany people when he appears. A stalker in real life cannot see your fear and feeling of being depressed, he only sees his bruised ego. cannt agree more,I dont like stalker
Author 810 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 i just got off the phone with the police department and they said if i want to, they can send an officer to my house to have the harassment paperwork filed. he will be notified. and if i want, i can take it to court and have the restraining order in place. i asked if i should change my phone number and file the report but i fear that it will elevate the situation more. they said that he already elevated it by showing up at my house and continued to contact me after i specifically asked him not to. this is wearing me out mentally and emotionally. i wonder i should send him one last text saying: "this is the last time: stop contacting me." before i change my number and file the report.
glimmer Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 NO You ALREADY told him. By continuing to engage him you are showing him that he has control. You already told him. All you do now is ignore him. You MEANT IT. When you mean something, you only need to say it once. You meant it. DO NOT ENGAGE THIS MAN ANY FURTHER. If you do, you're actually just asking for further communication BECAUSE you are communicating. Don't you understand that!? Do not engage him.
glimmer Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 One more thing, you should definitely file the police report. BUT in all fairness, you need to wait until YOU have not communicated with the freak for several days. Give the creep time for it to soak in. "It" being how you really are NOT in contact with him. THEN if he keeps on harassing and stalking you, file the report. At that point, you just file it. You don't first contact freak to tell him you're filing it. You need to understand your role in this situation. STOP contacting the freak if you REALLY don't want to be in contact with him. That takes YOUR willpower to IGNORE him. You have already told him to stop contacting you. Now you just give it a few days.
Author 810 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 you're right, glimmer. i will not text him or have any communications with him. i have had enough. i'll tell my boss tomorrow in case he shows up unexpected and acts like just visiting the company out of the blue. my last contact to him was on thursday. i thought last i heard from him would be friday last week since his email. he is smart tho, by using two different medias to contact me and saying two different things in each. maybe i'm being paranoid but just the flash back of seeing him sitting in his car gives me chills running down my spine. feels like i'm going crazy. argh. i don't like this a bit but i will continue to save all the contacts he made so i have evidence for the police.
Author 810 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 today, i received a present from him. i sent it back. he sent two texts today also. anyways, thanks guys for your support and inputs on my situation. i really appreciate them.
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