DeadDreams Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Hi! I discovered these forums a few days ago and got the courage to post after reading a lot of stories. I'll try to keep my story as short as possible. Met a girl, we fell in love (I know it was real for me but I'm not sure about her), and had an 8 month relationship of which the last 4 months was long distance because she had to finish off a last term of school, we had plans on being together after that. We had a 10 year age gap between us, for me age doesn't matter and she was adamant that it didn't matter to her either. This was my first real relationship of any significance. I played rescuer and fell for her because she had a lot of baggage and I can't stand seeing girls cry. She was also going through the process of breaking up with her BF of 2 years at the time she met me, she didn't like him or the way he treated her but stayed with him because of low self esteem issues. She broke up with him shortly after she started seeing me. Things went downhill once her school started back up. She started giving me a lot of mixed signals, she would be hot/cold. We went on a vacation together for a week during fall break. When we first met she was kind of cold and told me she thought I wouldn't show up because she was being a bitch. She starts crying and saying how she wants to be single because she always thinks she's doing the right thing by being in a relationship but it ends badly for her and gave me the useless excuse of it all being her and that I'm perfect. I was really sad and heartbroken but I stayed quiet. Towards the end of the vacation she starts using emotional hooks again and saying I want to talk to you forever, you're the only one who has really ever cared for me, promise me you'll not leave, I don't want to lose you, etc. We both go our own way and communications really falter after that so I email her saying that I'm moving on because it's obvious you're not into me any longer and I wish you the best. I get another emotional email saying how she can't live without me and really wants to talk and her intent wasn't to break things off completely and she can't survive without me. When we finally talk it's quite confusing and she says things like she doesn't know if it will work out years down the road and she imagines I'm as confused as she is and she'll feel guilty for wasting years of my life if it doesn't work out. We talk some more and the regular message of I love you, etc. are there but she feels a bit more distant. Another few weeks go by and I send her a small email to see how thing are going with school, no response. At this point I've had enough, she obviously doesn't value me and no longer has any desires to make time for me and I can't take the emotional abuse. I send her an email explaining her actions and that I'm moving on. She responds the next day with a pretty weak email, in my opinion, saying she had no idea I was taking not talking so hard and that she was going to end it anyways because I'm too old and that she really wants to talk and explain things. I didn't bother responding and she then deleted me from all online sites. A few weeks after that I get another small email where she says that she understands if I don't want to talk to her ever again and wishes me the best with everything. I also believe she started seeing someone pretty soon after I sent my last email, perhaps it's a rebound for her. Roughly about 3 months after I last spoke to her I sent her an email just sharing all my feelings and telling her exactly what she did and why I couldn't carry on. I wasn't going to but I really needed to get a lot off my chest and wasn't really expecting any response back as I imagined she had moved on rather quickly. She wants to talk on the phone to go over things to better understand each other if I'm willing to. I know I have to stop playing rescuer and I'm at a point now where her emotional hooks would not work on me. Just curious as to what her reason could be for wanting to talk? I think it's just to relieve herself of guilt? I will say that the 4 months we were initially together were blissful, she was really working on herself and we would spend hours together just talking about everything. I loved the fact that money didn't matter to her at all (I have a lot of it) and she didn't demand any expensive gifts, in fact she hardly asked for anything ever. She would actually feel awkward when I would buy her something because she said no one had done anything for her before she didn't know how to react to acts of kindness. This girl hadn't even been taken out to a restaurant before where she didn't have to pay for herself. I've come to realize that a lot of my mistakes with her revolved around me being too emotionally available and letting her have her way because I am so alone so any form of company, regardless of how hurtful, was a welcome relief for me. At the same time I hate playing games and share feelings very openly. People that know me say that I'm too nice and because of that I have no friends/relationships and I need to play games. I'm still working on myself but I despise not being honest and sharing openly. I also have a very difficult time being cold hearted and have too much empathy, but I've realized I can be empathetic without having sympathy. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era. Thanks for reading!
Recommended Posts