sabrina12 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 So my boyfriend broke up with me 6 days ago. He says it was because of distance, his social life was effected, his friends thought he was going mad cos they've never met me, he thinks there might be family issues... He bought up a lot of excuses, but when we spoke about it, it narrowed down to two things. One, the distance was the big deal. It had been 4/5 months since we last met. We tried to arrange to meet numerous times but one of us could never make it. He said he had lost the enthusiasm to carry on with this. He said he still loves me and cares for me deeply, and it would kill him to not have contact with me, but he thinks we should be friends and move on. Yet he said that he wouldn't dismiss a chance for us to work in the future if I move to London (which I've been planning to for about 2 months). What I don't understand is that he's saying he loves me, wants us to work again at some point, but then that he wants us both to move on but still be friends. We've still been speaking, and I said i'll be friends, and just like him keep the prospect of us developing a relationship again. He said when I move to London he will 100% meet up and hang out with me. I'm confused! Two, his social life is effected. He said he wants to speak to other girls without having me on the back of his mind, which to me says that he's bored of me, and wants to meet others. I see that he has another girl he's close to. I've noticed this since last month. She flirts with him a lot, is good looking, confident, and they hang out a lot too. After we split I did say that he and the girl seem good for each other, she seems much like his type, all he could say that they're friends. I can see something else developing. I see mine and his relationship at the beginning happening all over again with them two, except he gets to see her more than he saw me (they work together too). Maybe I'm paranoid, or maybe I'm right, but I do see her as a threat. He's been enjoying the last two days, "had some great and fun times the last two days" as he said on twitter, and I'm sure he was with her. He seems like he's moving on, yet he's holding on to me too? We've still been texting and messaging each other, so we're in contact. He's mentioned things from the past, like little sayings and jokes we've had, he even changes topic to carry on the conversation between up after I say something random... Does that show that he's still interested? Last night I ended our texts by saying I'm going out and that we'll speak later. Soon after that he updated his twitter saying that he's "mustered the strength to go to the Salsa Bar" (He's ill). Is he doing that to make himself feel better cos he thinks I'm dealing with it?? Or is it cos he thinks I'm dealing with it that he's moving on too. He's updating his twitter a lot, mentioning that he's tired and going to bed, that he's enjoyed himself, etc. Is that so I can read it? I'm getting so many mixed signals but I'm keeping cool (well, to him I seem like I am, but I'm hurting! ). Do I have a chance of getting back with him? We have arranged to see each other at some point just to catch up, chill out and "go with the flow", is that a good idea? I know i'll remain calm when I see him. I want to see how he acts though. Any advice to get him back please and also whether you think there's a chance. I know it's soon, I'm not expecting him back to me for a few months, but I want to know whether there is a chance! One more thing! He didn't text me all day today after going out with the other girl last night and possibly this morning. Is that out of guilt? Or maybe he was just busy with her... I don't know By the way, he's NOT sleeping with her. He's living the life that he said he wanted to live with me (he told me after splitting up about all the things he wants to do with me but can't cos i'm too far). I've wanted to move to London before I even met him (2 years ago, but we've been a couple for 10 months). I generally LOVE London, I want to work there anyway, in the fashion side of things Another thing he told me was that "my heart may explode for you when I see you, who knows?" and that he wont change his mind about the long distance relationship even if he's smitten by me again when he sees me next, he can only fully be confident about it once i'm in London. He tells me that he wants me to try and move on, yet he doesn't want to know if I ever do. And his friend was flirting with me on facebook the other night, he found out and went mad. Deleted his friend and got extremely jealous. I've now deleted him off facebook, unfollowed him on twitter. He knows about it cos I told him I want some space and he was upset about it, but said he'd support me. Only thing is I want him to block me on twitter so I can't access his page and he says he doesn't have the heart to do that. Eugh! I need him to do it, I've avoided checking it for 2 days until now. and it's a load of posts to his new interest, Camila (spanish girl). He also said he'll try and post less on there to help me. But this morning I text him saying i'm moving on and I agree with the break up, said we should forgive and forget and that I'm fine. I think he's taken it seriously, cos he's posting lots to Camila and announcing how he's excited to hang out with her later today. I don't understand, he says if I ever go to London he wants to hang out for drinks and stuff and thinks we may have a chance, but then he's progressing with her. I feel as if she's being played as a bit of a rebound. He's doing the things we did together and the things we planned to do, but with her. Really feel replaced. Another thing is that if they do go further, she would hate it if he met up with me, "the ex". I don't understand! I'm acting so strong for him right now. The only weakness I showed was asking him to block me on twitter again, after all he did say he'll support me. How do you all think my progress is going? I'm NOT hanging on to him, just to clarify. I will meet other people, and I will let him hang about, not giving myself up so easily once I'm in London. The new girl reminds me a lot of myself... Just shows he's not really moving on all that much. Thank you (and sorry it's so long!) From a Sad heartbroken girl
purplesalad Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I think your ex does not know what he wants... He seems quite confused. It is good that you don't hang on to him, because he may be one of those people that start something new but really don't want their exes to move on. If there is another girl in his life, i agree that the best thing you could do is dissapear completely, without another word. If he really wants to be with you he will get rid of her and try hard to get you back. Only time will tell... It is hard, I know... You need to continue being strong. You are already making a good statement.
Author sabrina12 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 It is unbelievable just how hard it is. I would be able to get over it so much more easier if he locked me off twitter. That is all I need him to do. That one thing. I text messaged him not long ago and asked if he'll do it for me. He asnt replied... He's probably out with Camila right now seeing as they're planning on hanging out today. I hate this!!! I need to move on so badly. I've been getting a lot of attention from old male friends and guys in general buy it's so hard I want to progress so badly and do myself some good by focusing on my career aspirations, which I am. But once I get i'n a bad mood and anxiety kicks in, I stop trying. I don't want him ruining my life! I'll pull through, I know I will. But it's SO HARD cos he's moving on and having fun and I'm not :'(
Author sabrina12 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 And the other thing is that I don't actually miss him too much. When I reminisce I think "oh well" afterwards. Cos I know I can't do anything about it now. I've accepted we're not together. It's just that he'a moving on and so fine about it all. Although I saw on Facebook when I was friends with him that he's depressed and upset, his mum was giving him advice on there. I don't understand how he can't give me up totally, bit can give me up as a girlfriend. I hate this. If I was there in London a few months back then we could have been ok. But it's not meant to be. I would like us to try things again in the future, I just hope there's no one in the way.
Author sabrina12 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 I want James to block me off twitter so bad but when i asked him first he said "I dont have it in me to do that to you", as if it's a terrible thing? What he's done is a million times worse as it is. He said he'll support me in order to make this easier for me yet he can't do that one little thing?! He's been tweeting to Camila all day, and posting about how he can't wait to see her later. I don't want to stalk him. I went a day without doing it but I cracked this morning. When I said I want him to block me he also said "I can't. I'll try my best to post less on there" and he agreed to post less to her on there and write less sweet and flirty things too. And he did that for 1 day. It was this morning that he ended up posting to her again, and I think it was all due to the text I sent him saying how I want to move on to other people too, i've accepted our break up, i'll forgive and forget and I also have all these career aspirations I want to follow through. And it was the truth, that's how I feel, I felt that 100% this morning. And I think where he saw that I'm moving on, he decided to go back to posting by thinking "she's over me". But I'm not. I just text him earlier asking for him to block me, again. I think he'a out with Camila so he hasn't replied. He really needs to do that one little thing in order to keep me going strong. And if he loves me and cares for me like he says, he'll do it (I take his "love" in a different sense now). * This is what I wish I could to say to him, it's playing in my mind. I wont actually say it of course but i need someone to tell me i'm thinking the right thing and that she's just a rebound...* "It's hit me. You and her are like me and you when we started off, except she's closer. She's a college student, she's got nice eyes and hair and similar features to me, she's intelligent, she's funny, she takes the mick out of you while being sweet too, she wants to go to concerts and out to bars, cinemas, and hang out with you, only this is she can do it and I couldn't. Why are you doing this? And why are you giving us a chance in the future when you've got it all right now in front of you? Do you miss me? Are you trying to replace me with someone similar so you feel like you did the right thing? Are you stopping yourself from feeling lonely?"* I don't understand it. If he's moving on yet wants to try us out again, what's the point in him moving on to someone else, and someone like me? Plus if he'a still with her when I move to London and James an I meet for drinks, she'll go mad. She'll hate it if he met up with the ex that he still "loves".*
betterdeal Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Look, stop trying to second guess what he's thinking and his motivations. Only he can know that. Work out what you want, and work for that. If you want to be his fallback, safety net, the ex who he can have some fun with if he's short of things to do, fine. If you don't, lose contact. Block him from twitter / facebook / your phone etc. If you have to say something, say "leave me alone, I have nothing to say to you" Now, you're a free agent and he's off with someone else, go out and find yourself someone you can have fun with now.
Author sabrina12 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Look, stop trying to second guess what he's thinking and his motivations. Only he can know that. Work out what you want, and work for that. If you want to be his fallback, safety net, the ex who he can have some fun with if he's short of things to do, fine. If you don't, lose contact. Block him from twitter / facebook / your phone etc. If you have to say something, say "leave me alone, I have nothing to say to you" Now, you're a free agent and he's off with someone else, go out and find yourself someone you can have fun with now. Oh I'm trying! I'll tell you that. I just have my moments of insecurities like now. Yesterday I was PERFECT. And the today within the last half hour, boom. Gone. If I block him on twitter I can still see his profile but he can't see mine. I need him to block me! If he does that I know I'll be fine. And I don't want to be his back up. I do want him to realise what he's missing though. I've promised myself that I'll tell him that I live in London about a month or two after I get my job and do move there. That way he'll see I wasn't wanting to chase after him as soon as I got to London, after all, I'm only moving there cos my job anyway, not cos of him. Then I want to see how he reacts. I want to be the one i'n control now, not him.
purplesalad Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 this situation of "missing him" is like a circle.. with time the circle will become bigger and bigger, until you totally do not give a sh*t believe me
Author sabrina12 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 this situation of "missing him" is like a circle.. with time the circle will become bigger and bigger, until you totally do not give a sh*t believe me You're right... It'll take time and a lot of patience. Even now I'm feeling a million times better than before. Emotions are messed up things
HeavenOrHell Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Have some pride and block him on Twitter yourself, you don't need him to do it, that will come across to him like you have no self respect if you're asking him to do it, and like you have no control about watching what he's doing, he'll probably feel like someone important knowing you're watching what he's up to. He wants to date other women and doesn't want you cramping his style, you're worth way more than that. It is unbelievable just how hard it is. I would be able to get over it so much more easier if he locked me off twitter. That is all I need him to do. That one thing. I text messaged him not long ago and asked if he'll do it for me. He asnt replied... He's probably out with Camila right now seeing as they're planning on hanging out today. I hate this!!! I need to move on so badly. I've been getting a lot of attention from old male friends and guys in general buy it's so hard I want to progress so badly and do myself some good by focusing on my career aspirations, which I am. But once I get i'n a bad mood and anxiety kicks in, I stop trying. I don't want him ruining my life! I'll pull through, I know I will. But it's SO HARD cos he's moving on and having fun and I'm not :'(
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 he wants you to pause your life while he's having fun with Camilia. and when you are ready to throw your life to move with him, that's the only time he can give you 100% attention...well, that's what he says...
Author sabrina12 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 he wants you to pause your life while he's having fun with Camilia. and when you are ready to throw your life to move with him, that's the only time he can give you 100% attention...well, that's what he says... That is pretty much it. I was speaking to his ferns about it last night who's been through the same thing. I'm fine now. No more holding on but I do now know that this thing with Camila is just a rebound and that he's still holding on to me. Not that it's got my hopes up. I'm just going to live me life and do what's best for myself. As for the twitter thing I thought he had to block me to stop me from rewind his tweets coss when I blocked him I could still see his tweets. Found out from a friend that blocking makes no difference, pages can still be accessed, you just can't speak to each other. Lol. I'm over it though
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