lostdad Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Greetings, Well, my wife and I are separated and on the route to divorce. My wife fell out of love with me, had an affair, and here we are. We have two great kids that I love, ages 5 and 7. Here's the problem. I work at home and we've lived in a town near her family, where there is very little going on. Most people I know know about her affair and the situation and I get the pity look from everyone. Meeting someone else around here is pretty unlikely. Part of me feels strongly that I should move 2 hours away to a town that has more going on. But, how do I stay close with the kids? Has anyone else here been through this dilemma? Any advice or real experiences welcome. Thanks in advance.
Yasuandio Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) Firstly, i am very sorry. But you have come tto the right place. Can you answer questions below: Is there any chance, on your side, for reconcilation? How long has affair been going on? HAve you sought legal advice? Are you resigned to moving out any giving her full custody? Or would you expect %50 or more custody? Are kids boys, girls? Edited February 28, 2011 by Yasuandio
Author lostdad Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Apparently, there appears no chance for reconciliation. I've been open to it, but she does not seem to want it. The affair started about 6 months before we separated. I did get some legal advice in general. We will maintain shared custody. It's one boy and one girl.
Yasuandio Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Yes, I did just a quick scan of your old posts, looks you've been here done that. The first thing I would do before I left those premises would be to have outstanding documentation of the affair (photos, emails, cell phone records, whatever you can afford to get). Second, I would hire an attorney in the town two hours away (so the word doesn't get round). Have your evidence of adultry and a financials for first meeting its at that time you'll get an idea of where you stand. Don't count on any promises wife has made. She has broken the ultimate trust - she can no longer be trusted. Many cases of reconcilation begin as yours. Your wife is in a huge fog with this affair. Just like a honeymoon phase. If you wanna know you tried every possible thing to save it, and you are a forgiving man that can take responsibility for his part in not meeting her emotional needs (if indeed that's the case) then there are strategies out there that can offer you hope. Today, perhaps start looking at them on the net. Marriage Builders and Divorce Busting (180 strategy, no contact rule). Wrap your head around these resouces especially "the last resort" by Michille Weiner-Davis (divorce Busters). Don't do anything. Till you get the perspectives. Of more experienced members on this forum! OK? Let me know what you think of those readings.
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