TylerDurden12 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Let me start by saying thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this. My situation is quite complex, but I will try to curtail i as much as possible. For those of you that have seen the movie Fight Club, you'll understand why I picked my screen name and how that movie, I feel, is the exact representation of my situation. I was married about a year and a half ago. My wife and I met on a Catholic retreat in college in about six years ago. It was a life changing event, where I met my wife and was where I was "re-born" in my Catholic faith again (I was born Catholic, baptized, the whole bit, but was never really active or thought about it much). I cannot seem to state enough how much my life focused around the Catholic Church at that time. (As you can see, it was quite an incredible retreat). I gained a large group of friends who are devout Catholics, and I am still friends with them today. In my last two years of my undergraduate study I was involved with the Newman Center at school nearly every day. This retreat even led me to successfully lead family members who had become "lukewarm" in their faith back into the Church (my dad, mom, sister, grandmother, brother in law (after my wife and I were married of course). The reason why all this is important is because now, six years later, I want almost nothing to do with the Catholic Church. There is obviously much more to this story as to how I came to the situation that I'm in today, but I will leave you with this: That the Catholic Church supports Natural Family Planning, which having sex without protection during designated times of the month (I won't go into the details) Since we've been married, we have not had sex. She wants to remain a devout Catholic, and I don't. I've always been a kind of nerdy guy who always wanted to meet a girl. I never dated in high school, and my wife is the only person who I ever actually dated. I know that I married her because she was the only girl I could get to fall in love with me. The problem is that she is still madly in love with me, and to boot, I adore her parents/family, and my parents/family adore her too. I feel like Edward Norton's character in the Fight Club, where I've created this world that everybody loves and believes in, but now, as the creator I want out. My wife and I have gotten into fights over this, and we've even gotten to the point where she's asked if I still want to be married, and while in my heart I want to say "no," I just can't seem to say that to her. I know this is all very complex, but I would appreciate some, any advise on what I should do. Thank you.
2.50 a gallon Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Sorry, I haven't seen the movie I have several questions How long have you felt this way? Have you lost your faith? And could it be that you are wanting to try the open market and try the dating scene, something that you have never experienced? From the little that I read, it sounds as if you were a true believer, but when the rules of the church got in the way of your sex life, you decided to change and are turning away from your religion. I would suggest that you seek counseling, as in a way your are turning away from yourself.
willowthewisp Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I would suggest that you seek counseling, as in a way your are turning away from yourself. I agree. You said yourself you still love her, you adore her! You don't want a divorce you want sex! Understandable, so you and your wife need to find a way to make that possible. Why have you not had sex? Is it because she does not want to use contraception but she does not want to risk a pregnancy using the rythum method?
imagine Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Do you want to be divorced? Do you want more sex? Are you unhappy with the Church doctrine? Do you feel guilty for your thoughts? We will try help you with the right questions. This is the beauty of anonymous posts...
Author TylerDurden12 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Thank you to everyone who responded. Maybe I didn't do the greatest job explaining my situation. To sum it up, she seemed like she was the only girl I could get, not the girl I really want. What makes this difficult is that were married, and our marriage is built upon our involvement with the Catholic Church. Sex (or lack thereof) is ancillary to my whole situation. Basically I feel trapped in this world I've created. She is still very much in love with me, but I don't feel the same about her, actually, I really doubt if i ever saw her as more than a really good friend.
fooled once Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 So you and she have never consumated the marriage? My mom is a devout Catholic. I was raised Catholic, married in the Catholic Church (my first marriage). I am not a practicing Catholic now though. But even devout Catholics have sex! I suggest talking to a priest or doing some couples counseling.
Author TylerDurden12 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 No, we have not consummated the marriage. Non-consummated marriages can be dissolved by a tribunal in Rome (and only Rome, as it is technically being dissolved by the Pope himself through the tribunal, this is different than an annulment. Annulments are for marriages that have been consummated, and do not require that the tribunal be in Rome). Anyways, the point that I'm trying to make is that my wife is still in love with me, and that I am no longer in love with her. I am essentially looking for an "exit strategy" from both my marriage, and the life that I've created.
IfiKnewThen Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 ok i know about the whole family planning thing with the catholic church. so i know they believe or go by the rhythm method..dates of cycles , etc. so why hasnt the marriage been consummated. what is the reason for this. it says when you marry 2 join as one. so please maybe explain why this hasnt occurred. is she young? is she scared? do you not want to be with her because you feel guilty and dont want to be married anymore and dont want to get further "involved"? confused.
Tayla Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Exit- stage right. My instincts are inclined to be hesitant...something is not right about this posters remarks and the picture being painted....
Author TylerDurden12 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Please let me know what I can clear up, I know I'm not the best story-teller.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Do you want kids with her? Do you want kids at all?
heartshaped Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 At one point, you say you are no longer in love with her and at another you say you never loved her at all just saw her as a good friend? Which is it because the answer to that question is extremely important. I'd also like to know if the reason the marriage hasn't been consummated is because you don't want children and you are afraid that obeying the rules of the church (what your wife wants to do) would lead you to having children. I think I am starting to get a sense of what is going on, but I can't be entirely sure without the answers to those questions.
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