Confusion or Love?

[IntrospectiveLeft]

Im a junior psychology and sociology double major in college right now. Ive been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for about 2.5 years now. We both go to the same college and met freshmen year. We started off as friends with benefits and then decided to date after a month. It just made sense to me since she was someone I considered my best friend and I really enjoyed making love to her. Our relationship has been a little rocky throughout our 2.5 years because she is struggling with several emotional and psychological disorders. Social Anxiety, diagnosed major depressive disorder, comorbid minor bulimia and masochistic tendencies (she used to cut herself to relieve anxiety). We have worked together to get her on a good medication that works quite well and to stop her compulsive behaviors of bulimia and masochistic disorders. She is now only anxious and depressed occasionally, usually relieved by minor cuddling and emotional reassurance. I believe myself, as much as any 20 year old could reasonably believe, to be in love with her. She matches my humor style and is generally agreeable. When she is gone for long periods of time I feel a little empty, like something is missing. I have told her I love her and she has said the same many times during our 2 years. Lately however I have been having serious doubts about what it is I want. I find myself thinking that I could be happier with anther woman but I do care for her ALOT. I want to experience other women, both emotionally and physically but I dont want her to feel the the pain and lonliness that I know will come from me leaving(she has little to no friends outside of my friend group). Things aren't bad in our relationship, I laugh and have fun and enjoy her company and enjoy all the things she brings to my life. I say I love her but I find myself asking whether I really do. I want to be sure. I want to be able to say "yep! I truly love this woman and shes the one for me". But is she? Am I just after sexual gratification with other women or am I seeking a better emotional connection? I hate that occasionally I look at her and find her unattractive. It makes me angry and sad that I could think that way about someone I claim to love. I just dont know what to do. The conclusion I reach at times is that the only way to know for sure that I have found the woman for me is to date other women and then come back to her. A sort of "taking a break". But really, who "takes a break" and gets back together? Isn't "taking a break" realistically pretty much like breaking up? I find myself asking these ultimate questions about what I desire and want and it confuses and frustrates me. I welcome anyone's thoughts or questions.

Edited February 28, 2011 by IntrospectiveLeft

[utterer of lies]

I know exactly what you feel, I went through the same when I was your age. It's not something you can solve without a lot of pain. You will not be happy if you stay, and breaking up will take a toll on you both. But the spark is gone and you are too young to settle.