purplesalad Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Hello I am in a long distance relationship since September. We live in different countries of Europe, we tried to break up because of the distance but we ended up reconciling again. We did not meet other people during our breakup. We hadn't made love for 3 months. He came to visit me for 10 days, and we had a very good time overall. Anyway, the first 3 days he came we made love all the time (the first day we didn't do anything else, it was rather crazy) and he could not get his hands off of me. The next days we were walking a lot around my city getting quite tired. The problem is that he was distant when I was kissing him, and when I was touching him. He said he was tired. In one of these nights even he said he was tired I was very provocative and in the end he absolutely wanted to make love to me, and also the morning after he woke up in a very sensual mood. But after this, we did not make love for 2 days. Then he left. The other times we met were again for 10 days, being very active, and never had such a situation. Does the frequency of sex decrease after some months even in LDR?
Author purplesalad Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 I should also mention that he did not ejaculate in none of the times we had sex (he controls himself a lot)
madjac74 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I got blue balls just reading this! Why in the world would he control his ejaculations? That is all part of the fun of sex with your partner. That could be why he is becoming increasingly disinterested in sex. That would drive me more bonkers than not having sex. Release the tadpoles!
mitchell Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Bizarre behavior. I'd dump that guy if I were you. You deserve someone who ejaculates.
Author purplesalad Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 So, that gradual absence of sex does not happen usually in a LDR, right? Oof, deep inside I also feel that the absence of ejaculation plays a role in that. He can ejaculate for sure, i can feel it many times (it is not hard to tell when someone is about to do that), but he stops himself all the time by going out and doing some other techniques related with breathing. I do not want to seem pushy, although I remind him that I would absolutely like it if he ejaculated whenever he feels like. He has been the same with all his relationships. It is very hard for me to leave him, I like him too much, and when the sex happens it is really amazing. I don't know how I could talk with him about it though, it is a rather sensitive topic. He is also 10 years older than me and I do not want to give him any insecurities. But more and more I can feel that it would be a good idea to talk about it if it happens again in the next visit.
creighton0123 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Bizarre behavior. I'd dump that guy if I were you. You deserve someone who ejaculates. This. It's very odd for a sexually active man who can ejaculate to decide not to... unless the two of you have been misled into believing you can't get pregnant if he doesn't ejaculate... Do the two of you use protection? If you don't, you do realize that pregnancy AND STD's/HIV are a concern, right? Gradual "absence" of sex aside, you two humped like bunnies for the first two days and then tapered out. That's perfectly acceptable. I'm surprised that after the first day, there wasn't any chafing involved. Have you asked him why he doesn't ejaculate during sex? Like... ever?
folieadeux Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I would definitely ask him why he doesn't finish...perhaps he has a good reason like wanting to last longer for you, etc. But yeah, I'd be more concerned with that than the amount of sex you're having. It's perfectly normal to need a bit of rest after going at it for days on end, but the other part is not.
wild_urge Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 My bf always tells me that if you don't cum you don't know what sex is about. I can't imagine why he would do that. You should talk to him, could be something religious or something? This is I would say extremely weird, to do it once or a few times, would be ok I guess, but every time. . . What for? You should do some research on the internet, may be there's other cases like that, but it certainly seems to me that there is something very wrong and you should be careful !
Author purplesalad Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Thanks for your replies guys! You put me into some good thinking. Some facts: 1) We are using condoms, so there is no worry about pregnancy. He does not mind using it, we choose the very very thin ones that feel like you don't use them. 2) He has done a circumcision, so he is not too sensitive to touch. 3) The situation is called delayed ejaculation and it is not very uncommon. 4) We have talked about the ejaculation. He just says that ejaculation cuts the fun in the middle and rarely lets himself come. Then I told him that it is natural to ejaculate, and also healthy for him, and he agreed that maybe he should do it from time to time. It didn't happen though. He is always too concerned about granting pleasure to me. I think he is very worried that I will judge him if he has an orgasm. I've made it very clear that it is something I would like to see though. 5) I am a woman, but the funny thing is that I had the same with my first relationships; I had the "stress" of pleasing them, and I was forgetting about my self. I did not discuss it with my couples, and this slowly brought frustration and tension. Slowly I got over that and now I feel totally free to enjoy the sex, from the beggining to the very end. I feel that it is a similar situation, and suddenly I feel it is neseccary to talk about it when we meet again, before it gets worse.
creighton0123 Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 In point 3, you mentioned delayed ejaculation In point 4, you described premature ejaculation The two are fundamentally different medical conditions. One is the inability to have an ejaculation and the second is arriving at ejaculation very quickly. Either way, it isn't necessary for both partners to have an orgasm EVERY time you have sex, but if he's able to even before you have an orgasm, why not go for it every once in a while? Sex should be ultimately pleasurable for both partners.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 i think you will get a better response if you ask a(n) (health) expert about this... but from your last post i am guessing it's performance anxiety that was causing the delayed ejaculation. there are lot of factors that could affect it, medical condition, depression, age (you mentioned 10 years older), etc... you have to talk to him about it in a casual manner, cuz it might add to his anxiety and insecurity. does he masturbate and can ejaculate through masturbation? maybe you can ask him that if he is willing to discuss it further. some men do get this delayed ejaculation after a long time of not having sex. maybe you can tell him one time that he needs to sit back and relax and you do all the work. see if he will be able to orgasm cuz maybe he's also too concentrated on how to please you.
East7 Posted March 3, 2011 Posted March 3, 2011 So, that gradual absence of sex does not happen usually in a LDR, right? Oof, deep inside I also feel that the absence of ejaculation plays a role in that. He can ejaculate for sure, i can feel it many times (it is not hard to tell when someone is about to do that), but he stops himself all the time by going out and doing some other techniques related with breathing. I do not want to seem pushy, although I remind him that I would absolutely like it if he ejaculated whenever he feels like. He has been the same with all his relationships. I have heard in a radio program about this problem and it seems to happen mostly in LDRs. There are some factors that can provoke delayed ejaculation even for someone absolutely healthy : - Emotional charge (not relaxed). - Lack of sex for extended periods of time. - Frequent masturbation and porn watching. - Self pressure to "perform" in bed. The best you can do is to reassure him that he is "performing good" and you are enjoying it. That will help him to feel more secure and to relax more, thus helping with ejaculation.
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